I was wandering through life.
Looking around me I watch as I see faces transformed.  
Smiles and bright eyes
Now cracked lips and salted cheeks;
Unmasked.
As I wandered through life,
I yearned to touch every soul with my earnest, trembling fingers,
And bring the sweet smiles and eyes of laughter back
Into the faces of those I love.
But I had forgotten the reasons behind my trembling fingers.
My own face, warped by the never ending confusion that is this life.
I ignored my pain and shoved it aside.
I made a fragile wish,
But my denial and staggering steps through the sea of faces
Would only drown me.

Today I became a tree huger,
because yesterday's random hug
ended with the red and blue blinking lights,
a frontal shot, two side photos,
and my new roommate
who has claimed the top bunk.

Everything in my universe keeps tells me to erase you.
Like an interception, in the form of a phone call
From a minister just before I began writing this.
And I've considered it, tried to...but I keep getting rid of it, that idea.
I could never erase you...even if the desire were truly there.
I have been so dedicated to God lately, every second has been
like open dialogue. Where I'm babbling on to Him like I used
to do to you. I wonder if I haven't been using Him as a distraction,
like I also used to do to you. But that is neither real nor a bad thing. Just a thing I think, I guess.

So they keep telling me to erase you. Teachers, mentors, pastors,
friends, spiritual mothers, and sometimes strangers.
It just makes me feel alone mostly. How could they understand at all
if that's their conclusion? But I guess they see things through better eyes
than mine. After all, my eyes are what caused all this trouble for you and I. I mull what they say over. I really have had a good time, I promise...But there is always this thing. Snapping me back into the world that I exist in...the world you no longer exist in...Like a parachute giving me whiplash when I was floating along beautifully without it.
It's a thing like the sheet music to "What A Wonderful World" appearing out of thin air. Or pulling in to church to find you right there. And I run from these things! Hold them close...shove them in the closet under piles of things I no longer use. But they always surface.
Like someone telling me the first time I meet them about Rebecca's cheek bones. Or Don Draper's face, which I swear will be yours in about ten years or so. Even a dinner with friends can't make you disappear because inevitably they'll ask me about you at some point. Or someone won't know you've gone away. Or I'll walk through the woods...after traveling by boat, after smiling until my heart explodes to hear a whisper on the wind...of your voice. But I can't complain.
Twould be far worse a fate to suffer never hearing, seeing, thinking, or dreaming of you again.

He wore a velvet vest in a sharp side of town,
her crimson lips were enough to get him aroused,
it was her corset that would bring him down.
with **** and hips that over fill her gown
she wants to dance she wants to get down,
she walks so elegantly through the ruff parts of town
You want so much for her to know you now
but its something your insecurities wont allow

I gathered the courage maybe a bit to soon
giving me your soul in a dark candle light room
as you smell the rose peddles all around you
and all the other flowers in brought you in bloom
I never knew this time my words would swoon
I was wrapped around your finger like string in the loom
telling each other secrets, of all our fears and our doom
like the horror of your womb, and the life it once knew

my finger prints on your body, and on you immaculate gown
I made you dripping wet, even though I played the clown
smile on your face, joy on your body. leaving me in wow
I may not be stable, yet I thought we were on solid ground
our days growing numbered, and the love is winding down  
strong love can still slumber, even if its world renown
you find solace in the heart of your possessions now  
I ask you many things, such as to wear my crown

safe mental state left behind,remembering our vows
it made you feel so high to tell me I was low brow
we shared each others toa,yet we walk different paths now
truth should always be found, even if it causes pain somehow

I realized it was a dream within my mind
dreams become reality, if your not so blind  
dreams can become nightmares if given time
you were my promise of perfection, souls intertwined
but true perfection can only live within ones mind

I saw such wisdom when I looked into your eyes
you said you saw it in me too, but it may have been a lie
I guess we wont see each other old and wrinkled as we die
horrible thoughts multiply in a morbid mind

I still have that velvet vest, and wear it now and then
press it to my chest, close to my heart, like a friend
I tried to leave you, there was many messages to send
you tried to leave me, and my ignorance I defend

I tried to leave you satisfied, tried to leave you satisfied
the pledges that were made, and the hate we hide behind
thought I never heard the things you said as you softly cried
you never thought id listen well I even read between the lines

I am so vexed we never think of the wages of ***
the chains you fasten to me slowly broke me down
your hands hastened down, and you still want a slave now
I hope you get what you want, on the way to the next now

You may not recognize me
     'til you hear the music playing,
  capriccio of a mellifluous heart
      dancing upon destiny's moons,
  speechless neath euphonical clouds'
              yearning euphoric poetry