I board a public bus
A graying bus driver is a woman and then morphs into a man
A normal experience within a dream

My eyes glaze over as I assume a state of aloofness
As I tend to do when surrounded by unfamiliar people
As some sort of defense mechanism
As if the otherworldly look in my eyes
Will thwart the formation of an ill intention forming in the mind of a stranger that occupies the bus with me
Just in case

Two older men are on the bus
I don't validate their existence
When I am aloof
It feels like I am the only person truly alive
Everything gradually grows dimmer
As my inner world roars as loudly as an amphitheater.

The bus drives for hours
I've never been on this bus before and I've never been to the town I am traveling to
I'm going there to check out a church
Even though I'm not a Christian
Hours pass...
I start falling asleep in my dream
The bus has no stops

Finally, the bus reaches the end of its route
I am dropped off in front of a CVS along with the other two male passengers
One scruffy old man leers at me and smiles at me
But I act as if I didn't see him
I have no idea how to get to the church
It's getting dark
All that is around is the CVS, the bus stop, and a road with an onslaught of cars driving in either direction
Why did I make this hours long trip if I didn't even know exactly where I was going?
If only I could cross the wide street to get to the other side where the bus stop for the bus back home is
But I can't
The cars were driving at fast speeds and their was a constant flow of them
So I stood in that nakedness of uncertainty and abounding possibility
Stuck and calculating
As the sun set over this foreign place I ended up in
All because I was seeking some purpose
And yet, it brought me so far away from home,
the comforts and luxuries and certainties of home
Yet, when I awoke, something deep and vital within me knew
That I will never find my purpose within the comfort of my home.

Lure you in with a false promise

I swear to always be honest

Never leave you behind

Oh Darling, you'll learn im anything but kind

Say one thing, I'll do the other

If there was a next time you'd be careful when choosing a lover

I'm agony disguised as lust

Oh love, if only you'd been wise when deciding who to trust

Now come to me my one and only

A white lie won't hurt the lonely

By the time I finish my game

You will know nothing but pain

Manipulative is what they call me

They say that woman is just in it for money

It's not true my love. I'm in it for you

I bring companionship and a promise to stay true

Promise is for a short time

But still it brings you peace of mind

As I watch you smile at me and begin to tire

I smile back then light the match to my fire

As I watch smoke fill the air I feel no shame

Oh how I enjoy playing the husband game

Walking away with my winnings and a map

I send thanks to the devil for helping with my trap

Music has started
To physically move me
In ways
I never knew
Could be.

I had a dream where you didn't leave

Held you close, tight, right next to me

Your eyes did shine and my heart wasn't sore

Looking at me with love like you did before

Told me you'd be here till the end of time

Kissing you close not recognizing a lie

Go
Just go
Fade away like this dream
Nothing is ever what it seems
We will never be

When I wake reality is harsh to a dreamer

Dose of cold air delivered by a schemer

Showed me the side of him that made me fall

Left me with the side of him he never showed at all

Though he's gone, he stays

Showing up in my dreams day after day

Go
Just go
Fade away from my mind
If only I could turn back time
Then you'd be mine

I need you gone, need you to leave

For once I just beg for peace

Stop smiling at me at night

Just stop making my heart want something that isn't right

It's unhealthy to ache for something that can't be fixed

Tired of missing someone that shouldn't be missed

So go
Please go
Fade away from my heart
I can't take this constant reminder that we are apart
I need a new start

Raise the weapons high

Smoke fill the sky

Prepare to be consumed by my wrath

Welcome to my bloodbath

Men resume your battle stance

Tonight many will fall in this bitter dance

Peace doesn't exist as I fire the first shot

Fighting for a cause that many forgot

I feed off their greed

It is a substance that I need

Rage makes me stronger

I have lived for many years, now I live longer

Humans are weak, easy to manipulate

They stand no chance against Fate

Sometimes
I catch my eye
In the mirror.

I catch myself
Looking at me
And I give a wink
And a smile.

I ask me
How I'm getting along
And
If I'm doing well.

And then I part ways
With my mirror self
Because for some reason
All I can get
From mirror me
Is responses
That are made up
Of the very same
Questions
That I had asked myself.

And I just cannot handle
The kind of pressure
That those loaded questions
Hold.

Her movements
Are so fluid
There is no reason
To alter the specifics
To make them more appealing
When transferring them to words.

No need for analogies
Or symbolism.

She dips her head back
And lets it slip from
One shoulder
To the other.
Resting on each one
Ever so slightly
To greet them both
The same.

Her hand
Puppeteers her arm upward
To swipe her fingers
Across her brow.
A gentle kiss of reassurance
That morning has at last
Arrived.

Her thumbs lead the way
For her hands to follow
As they slip behind her ears
And make their way down to the ends
Of her hair.
But before they finish their descent,
They meet together
Her smooth hair stops them from making
Total impact.
The right stays put, creating ******* for the hair that is left behind.
The left guides the remaining strands around her shoulder
To rest there
As her hand continues down her chest.
Something that she only allows her own kind
To do.

Her actions alone are pure poetry.
From turning her head,
To stretching her arms,
To simply putting up her hair.
It is all poetic
To witness
To experience
To love.

Tears are worthless
What will they get me?
I'll still feel the pain
I'll still remain empty.
I'll still wake up in this place
I'll still have these memories
So just tell me please,
Where will crying get me?

I'll still be the same person
That you always have seen
It will have no life changing effect
On the person that I will be.
The process of crying
Won't make me happy
And the sorrow will return
It always does eventually.

So it seems as though
Your release is a useless hobby
That isn't very helpful
In maintaining reality.
So if you know the answer
Then you can resolve my questioning
Tears are worthless
What will crying gain me?

You made so many promises that you didn't keep
You bought me this promise ring
It used to fit so perfectly.
And it used to shine, just like your promises
I find it funny now that we're finished,
This ring no longer fits.

What a funny thing.

I want to show you
That I care,
Though I am here
And you are there.

We've made a mess
Of what we've been
Yet we both know
We cannot win.

I'd isolate myself and sit for hours if I could
Paying little mind to the things I know I should.
I'm slowly losing interest,
I feel misunderstood.
If I could fix these problems in a heartbeat then I would.

Sickly sweet
The taste of another's defeat
Something you shouldn't be proud of
Yet you are
That sickly sweet smell
The pleading look in their eyes
Their relief when you spare them
It's addicting consuming
Even though it's wrong
Even though it's horrible and cruel