It is 3am
And I lay in bed
The rain is singing me to sleep once again
Thunder rolling against the summer heat
Lightning blinking against the pale purple walls of my childhood bedroom
I came home yesterday
And tonight
I lay in bed
Listening to the rain
For a moment it stops
And I sense myself restless
I have always found comfort in storm
The sudden halt of it stirs me
The clouds have cleared into empty
And I sit, longing
I want the rain to come back to me like a forgotten lover
Want it to soothe me to sleep like it always does
But I know
That the sky
Isn't going to cry
Because I want it to
I know
That the sky will not be angry
Just because I am
I cannot expect nature
To take on the responsibility of lullaby
Cannot expect the weather
To try and match emotion
I want nothing more
Than to watch the downpour caress my windowsill
Watch the drops race against glass
I want
To hear the music that is torrent
But it is 3am
And I lay in bed
Knowing that the sky isn't going to cry
Because I want it to
Knowing
That things do not occur
Because I want them to
Life just happens
Ignorant of want
And the sky will only cry
When it feels like it.

Remember when you promised me
All your soul and body
And that I'd never slip
Below the crashing waves.

Just when it was calmest
You left me for the future
A future with no love or lust
At least not involving me.

To be happy, they say,
Live in the now.
I suppose I live in your past
So I hope your now is the happiest now
(You're the reason our now could never last.).

I like spending time alone
With the right person.

The problem is that
I found the right person.

I know it doesn’t make sense
To enjoy solitude
With someone else.

And I also know
I’m not his right person.
I know he doesn’t think about me.

And I know he won’t think about how my hair glows a goldish-bronze in the sunset.
He won’t dream about my blue eyes peering over his chest after we make love.

And I know he won’t rant about how I don’t love him with the same passion he loves me,
Because it’s the other way around.

I know he likes spending time alone,
Maybe with the right person.

The problem is that
I wasn’t the right person.