when someone tells you that they want you,
you don't really feel anything
but when someone tells you that they don't want you anymore
you feel every ounce of it

you re read it over and over again
trying to figure out what you did or said wrong in the past 24 hours
you analyze all your moves from the start of the relationship
and when you find out that you didn't **** up
you just don't understand why
you don't understand what went wrong
that "don't" and "anymore" in that sentence weigh down on your heart
you can't stop thinking about it
you think,
"hey I'm okay, not worth my time anyway to be stressing over someone who is not stressing over me"
but that only helps for 5 minutes
and then you're back at it
trying to figure out what went wrong
and it's just a cycle
every **** hour
you're not okay
but oh you want to be
you want to be

We swore to ourselves
That we were our own heartache
Our own architect,
Author,
Artist,
But the story we wrote for ourselves
Didn't reflect our freedom
Our freedom that we enjoyed in our eyes

And we collected our souvenirs
Our bruises and broken bones
Our cuts we washed in salt
So that their comfort could never leave us
Like an over protective mother
Whose presence we would start to be repulsed by
Once we realised we were not children anymore.
And we would scrub at the scars
With sandpaper
And try to burn them from our skin
With nail varnish and our smouldering cigarette ends.

Life comes and goes.
        Our days get shorter.
                 Our lives more cluttered.

But I am thankful.
         In this odd familiar blur of sadness,
                    I am satisfied.

As satisfied as compromise with your troubles will get you.

-m.c.

Coffee stains and cigarette burns
I don't know how to feel, my head kinda hurts
Sweet seventeen and the pain has just began
Drown yourself in alcohol, it'll help you feel numb
Your body is so *****, the night is far from done
Everybody can come over, my mom and dad are gone