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  Dec 2015 Christina Cox
Emma
I tell you it’s dark inside 

You say turn on a light

I say it hurts my eyes

I’ve gotten use to the dark 

I can feel my way to my heart 

And lay down on its surface

I can tiptoe my way

Around hopelessness 

Slip on a few things 

But not fall

But you’re still new to it 

You still trip on my

Newly discovered fears

Still drown in my overwhelming 

Sea of sadness 

You've gotten bruises

From slipping on my silence 

You have fallen on my weariness

And I’m sorry 
I never meant for it 

To swallow you too 

Loving you makes a difference 

But you can't fix a ****
With nothing but a twig 

You can take a horse to a spring 

But you can't make it drink 

You can love me all you want 

But I have to learn 

To love myself 

Enough to turn on the light 

I will try to ease my eyes
to the light 
But fire eventually burns out
Even candles know that

I’m sorry I’m not okay 

I wish I was

If only it were 

To be well enough 

To look into your eyes 

And not feel like I’m drowning

To be able to feel 

The trace of your hands on mine

And not wish you didn’t have to

Feel the scars 

I’m sorry I’m not okay 

I really wish I was 

If only to be able to tell you
How much I love you 

Enough to not die for you

Enough to live with you
I choose you.
Christina Cox Dec 2015
I’m a ghost who walks the halls
of my mind.
I’m a ghost who visits the mansions
of my body.
I’m a ghost who haunts the attics
of my soul.
I’m the ghost of the monster
who controls my body.
I’m the ghost of the girl
who wants control.
I’m a ghost of myself
and who I want to be.
  Dec 2015 Christina Cox
S
I...

Still
Earn
Love,
Find

Hope
And
­
Recover
More
Every
D
*ay
We can recover, someday.
  Dec 2015 Christina Cox
xmxrgxncy
RED
my cheeks
my eyes
my emotions
my life

RED. ALL RED.

my poems
my music
my stress
my fingers

But then there is another.
"read."

He read the RED of my soul that I bled out without a care, completely forgetting that he is but a click away from reading me like a bloodstained magazine.
How could I?

I suppose it's nothing of consequence.
I mean, I tell him, don't I?

I try, at least.

It's not easy to put it into words, the RED that I feel.

It's not adoration. NO. It's something much stronger, much more substantial.

But I don't think it's love, not quite yet. So what is this RED that he gives me in the form of words and kisses, of warmth and walls?

It's up for me to scribe my own description, yet I cannot even begin to tell myself what I am feeling, never mind telling him.

I can't embarrass myself and turn RED
As I try to explain my RED
To the RED
that makes my life
whole.
He read my poetry last night. I wish I could tell him how i feel but adore isn't strong enough and love is too strong...for now. RED is the only word that fits at the moment.
  Dec 2015 Christina Cox
Sky
I was looking up,
gazing up at the stars
from a deep black pit,
almost missing
the rope that came
tumbling into the darkness.
I was startled by the sound
of frayed threads smacking against the wall.
I looked up again,
looking to the top of the hole
but couldn’t make out
the face at the top, silhouetted by the moon.
I wrapped my hands around the rope,
took a deep breath to calm my panicked heartbeat,
and began to climb
out of the maw of darkness.
I climbed up, and up,
my feet slipping on the smooth obsidian walls,
but finally
I reached the top.

I found myself face-to-face
with a pair of eyes, colored like mahogany wood,
like the most decadent chocolate,
and they sat above a sunshine smile that melted away
the icy demons that tried to follow me.
The moon and stars were suddenly swamped
by the bright warmth of the sun,
and color filled the world.
My heartbeat was faster than a mouse’s
as I gazed into those eyes
and I realized
that they belonged to my savior.
I found that I’d lost my voice
after sitting silently in that pit for so long,
so I took my pen from my pocket
and wrote my gratitude on my hand,
“Thank you.”

The smile widened,
and the chocolate eyes were melting in the sunshine,
so beautiful, so captivating.
I suddenly found myself in a warm embrace,
and while I would have normally pulled away,
I stayed in those arms.
I didn’t want to leave,
and I was safe, protected, warm.
I sighed and sank into the warmth,
and my soul suddenly grew,
straining against the cage of my ribs.
I felt the hole in my chest,
I felt it as it was filled,
and then it was empty no more.

The songbirds twittered in my ear,
telling me,
“You found it, you found it! You found the other half of your soul.”
I looked up again,
looked back into those eyes,
and watched the sunshine smile lift again,
provoking a sunbeam to grow on my own lips.
Then the sun rays collided in a kiss,
and a fire sprang to life.
And I knew, I knew
I would never be cold again.
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