Coke holiday commercials got me drinkin',
New Years day, expect to pass a kidney stone.

Santa got us workin' in the cold,
not a single fireplace in that **** factory.

He don't even feed us:
we eats polar bear leftovers,
penguin flesh and such.

Ask for a break and get stomped
by reindeers and such.
not a day of vacation, not a one.

The houses be made o' candy
but we ain't got no dental either,
so eatin' that would **** us.

This fat white ape is a bad bad man,
lord ain't that the truth,
ol' Saint Nick is a total ****.

There's a mouse in my room,
she's silver and white,
mom's chased it with a broom
and the fella's put on a fight.

From the kitchen KABOOM
did shout one cold Christmas night,
dad was the bringer of doom,
he and his shotgun's great might.

Turns out our little mouse
slept in our house

with her husband and kid
but hungry they came unhid

by father's twitchy right eye
so they met his gun and goodbye,

our mouse friend is forever now
a lonely Christmas night widow.

Another bowl of chili!
Another!
Hit me!
Oh.

Tongue burnin' belly shriekin'!
Don't stop now.
Hit me.
Oh.

........what happened, doll face? Chili?
I fainted?
Spicy?
Oh.

There's very little to do
on a morning like this
except perhaps complain
about everything around.

How:

The sun is too bright,
the sky is too blue.

Newspaper says Congress
isn't doing much for the country
but it's the President's fault.

How:

the clouds are so bloated,
the birds are so loud.

And where are those **** glasses?
And where are those papers?
And where is the pen?

The pen is out of ink.

Step on a Lego.
Yell at the wife.

80 killed in bombings across
far away desert land but no worry,
they were most likely terrorists.
Most likely.

Mail's here and the dog is barking
at a guy earning minimum wage.
Why care? He brought bills.

Who will save the world?
No one. Not this morning.

Son is graduating high school soon.
University costs more than a Ferrari.
Costs rising. More bills. More debt.

Breakfast is ready.

How:

the eggs are bland,
the toasts are cold.

The bacon is greasy,
the hashbrown is burnt.

How:
How:
How:

Maybe in the evening a bomb will drop.

"Did you hear about the neighbors?"
"No, hon."
"It's bad. They -"

How:

the tree is bending,
the wind is howling,

somewhere else.

...Because if somehow, somewhen,
magic pixie dust fell,
covering you from head to toe,
and you began rising up up up,
off to Neverland,
the first thing I'd grab onto,
is the ****.
And you'd be saved.
We'd be happy forever and ever,
or until our love grows cold,
we stop:
sleeping together, kissing, hugging, touching,
and the signature curves all over
on divorce papers at a balding lawyer's office.