The world today is a massive stage
We're all two-bit actors with parts to play
Some better than others along the way
I see an Oscar in your future but not today

Some people act like they don't have enough
And they could better pretend if they had more stuff
With talent out the window they rely on luck
But if luck is all you've got you'll never have enough

Some act like they're on permanent holiday
Party all night and sleep all day
Don't take any advice that comes their way
You'll never get that Oscar if you act that way

While some are naturally born to play the lead
Others suffer daily to even be seen
In the part that they play in their B-movies
Where before the end credits roll the crowds up and leave

And those that do play the lead
Always seem to be envied
But do we really see what it is they see
And don't we all have the same basic needs

With so many actors out there you've got to stay on top
Play your part with all your heart give it all you've got
People are always watching whether you know it or not
Life's light is always shining, you just need to stand in its spot

As daily we take to this worlds massive stage
Playing with all of our hearts the parts that we play
Some better than others along the way
Where that Oscar is looming but not today

I wanted her to live. I wanted to escape reality with her. To go somewhere peaceful. To find solace outside of the usual myriad of sounds and sights.
I wanted to take those little pills and find freedom like I always did, and so did she. So did she. So did she.
But there is no freedom, only a lack of personal imprisonment. It is ironic that our vision of "freedom" was enough to **** us. Poison. Pills. Little white pills. And a bottle of liquor to wash them down. To drown them.
So together we "escaped" reality's "prison" into the vast expanses of our hallucinations.
One more. Last one. Promise. **** that doubt and replace it with a little white pill.
Take a swig. Take a gulp. Take another. Let's make this crazy.
One more pill. Last one. I swear. Laugh with me. Drink with me.
Laugh with me.
Hey, hey, it will be fine, we're done. We're done. We're done so just relax. Float and fly, feel that high. Lay down and rest.
We should have stopped earlier.
We should have stopped earlier.
You know, we should have stopped earlier.
I am sorry. My bad.

So later comes and goes. She sits on the porch, smoking a cigarette. Smiles, all smiles. She is high, but she operates well.
I light a cigarette of my own.
I breathe in the smoke, let it coat my lungs. Watch it disappear as I exhale. She says something funny, and I laugh. She laughs, I laugh. It's hilarious.
She lives.
She lives.
She lives.
Unfortunately, that is a false reality. I give you the fake version to staunch the bleeding of insecurities and emotional detriment.
You see, I have mislead you. Fake. Fake. So fake, and how I wish it were not.
She never smoked that last cigarette. I guess to her, life was unimportant. Worthless. She was not seeking attention this time. She intentionally overdosed. She convulsed and died in front of me. I watched her swallow white after white and I didn't stop her. Her small framed body of innocence turned into an animal. Neglected, starved of love.
She is dead.
She is dead.
She is dead.
She will never exist beyond my memories. Beyond my dreams. Beyond her phantom visits to my vision. I am being followed. Stalked. Haunted. Chased. Hunted for a guilt trip.
Later, it's blade to flesh. Bottle to lips. Bleeding, regretting, wishing, screaming.
Anger, self pity, despair, depression, descent.
Cornered, frightened, spiraling into madness.
Welcome. It is with great pleasure that I invite you into my life.

today i had a day
no valleys, no mountains
....just walking, across
the plains.
grass waving, gently to either side of the dusty,
not oft used track.
sometimes, a single great,
old oak,
or a stand of birch,or gum.
a pond or creek,
but mostly, grass green, through to dry, fawn.
as i walk along...
but still,
i stumble at the end of the day .
a misplaced foot,
on a tuft of  adventurous, exploring grass....
and then i look, to the endless, blue,umbrella
of the sky,
and pray, for gentle vale
or hummocky hill.
as i ,
walk this path,
of the not,so straight,
but definitely narrow.

I am not the girl you marry
I am the girl who 10 years from now
Will out of nowhere cross your mind
In the midst of contentedness
And have you wondering
What happened to her
I am not the girl you swear forever to
I am the girl who you'll think of
When you ***** your finger on the diamond ring
You bought for the one you plan on spending your life with
I am not the girl you have to try to forget
I am not memorable
In any particular way
But one day you will think of me
When you're sitting in a bar
And the short blonde girl next to you
Orders a glass
Of whisky.

The digs prove the existence of eternity.
Lucy joined millions of years ago.
Thats a long time to be in eternity,
But that's hardly eternity.
Her relations don't bring flowers,
Or trim the grass.
They stopped mourning years ago.
Perhaps hours after she died.
Eternity is a long time not to talk.

Love doesn't really stay in your heart forever.
Forever? Too Romantic a notion.
My eternity began at conception,
And I'm in no hurry to continue.
Neither should you.
It's a long time.

Will someone or something
Find forty percent of my bones down the road.
There's not enough time to fill eternity.
Remove it from famous sayings
And we have no comparison
For love, duty, time and beauty.
Can we really see it
In a blade of grass
Or in an hour.
Digs don't prove reincarnation, resurrection or spooky stuff.
Just eternity.
Silent. Non-existent.
Imagine a dove swooping down and brushing our world
With one wing
Every thousand years.
A soft or palatable swipe.
It's all the same.
Every thousand years.
After a period our world eventually vanishes.
Every mountain and ocean – gone.
Skyscrapers and swimming pools – gone.
Boulders and grains of sand – gone.
And the animals of ground, wind and water,
And earth itself – gone.
Eternity begins with the last brush
Of its wing.
That's a long time to be dead.
A long time being quiet.

I read endless poems about eternal love
And self-destruction,
Only one theme defines eternity.
Death.
The digs have proven it.
Lucy was found alone,
No lovers' bones.
Death wins out in the eternity theme.
Constant and sure.
And that's a long, long time.
Don't dwell on it.

You once asked me why I love you.

The mascara of curiosity outlined the questioning glare of your eyes, and your fruity scented lipgloss covered your worrisome words with a hint of doubt – and  strawberries.

And just as I was about to pluck the ripest answer from the back of my mind you interrupted me and planted seeds of insecurity you so desperately try to force under the earth – away from the eyes of those who live above it.

You remind me of the way you push me away whenever the going gets tough, even though together we're tougher than anything rough, pushing back harder than any kind of force that you apply on me whenever I'd ask, "What's wrong?"

You remind me of the way you cling to me like magnets on a fridge,

of the way you can't hold much of a conversation because you're awfully shy,

Of the way your interests differ from mine,

Of the way your smile lacks luster compared to other girls' smiles.

So I remind you, that whenever you'd push me away I'd pull you in even closer,

that my hands cling on to your waist, like magnets on a fridge,
and that we'd stand there with me embracing you, and silence embracing us, because worrying about words to say would only get in the way of me appreciating what's in my arms,

I remind you that my interest in kissing you, differs in your interest in kissing me.
And that your interest in my smile differs from my interest in your smile, unique and perfect on you and simply only you,
Never will it fit better on anyone else.

So you ask, and I reply,

The answer is quite simple love,
My heart is forever yours, because all of the above.