I never blamed you.
Not now, not then, not ever.
You lifted me,
Brought me higher.
How could I lay blame on that?
The heart that ticks within my cavity,
It only ticks for you.
The searing pain that splits open my head,
When you tell me that I deserve better.
It is not a matter of "deserve".
It's what I "want".
It's what I "desire".
You have held that place since I ever told you those three words.
Now I'm being killed inside.
To have love-loss would almost ease the burdened pain I feel.
But the love is still there,
I know it is,
I can feel it!
But love was
Never the problem...
And now,
When I look at you,
Nothing has changed.
You're still the one that I love,
As I am still the one you do.
But this pain,
That explodes to the tips of my fingers,
Rings out to me,
For the hand of this love is one I can no longer hold.
My heart has sunk,
And I have no expectations of finding it.
I feel the faint murmurs,
A muffled beat here and there.
Only your presence makes the trace visible;
Makes the echo grow louder.
Even as I lay these words to page,
I stammer over the keys.
I know you will not read them,
Nor will you even know
Of their existence.
But they do,
I feel them every day that I draw breath.
And soon the days where I don't.
Time is the only remedy I have.
The cure to washing away all the **** that has collected,
Tearing away at me bit by bit.
Only when the last scrap of uncertainty has been wiped,
Will I be able to build anew.
You did what was needed,
You should feel no shame in that.
You did what I had done before,
And vowed to never do unto another again.
Not anger,
Hatred,
Betrayal,
Or vengeance seek claim in my mind.
You did what was best for us,
And in time I know we will rekindle what was put on hold.
And still yet,
Through all of this,
I always remember what you had told me.
"Tears are just returning water to the sea".