I never blamed you.
Not now, not then, not ever.
You lifted me,
Brought me higher.
How could I lay blame on that?
The heart that ticks within my cavity,
It only ticks for you.
The searing pain that splits open my head,
When you tell me that I deserve better.
It is not a matter of "deserve".
It's what I "want".
It's what I "desire".
You have held that place since I ever told you those three words.
Now I'm being killed inside.
To have love-loss would almost ease the burdened pain I feel.
But the love is still there,
I know it is,
I can feel it!
But love was
Never the problem...
When I look at you,
Nothing has changed.
You're still the one that I love,
As I am still the one you do.
But this pain,
That explodes to the tips of my fingers,
Rings out to me,
For the hand of this love is one I can no longer hold.
My heart has sunk,
And I have no expectations of finding it.
I feel the faint murmurs,
A muffled beat here and there.
Only your presence makes the trace visible;
Makes the echo grow louder.
Even as I lay these words to page,
I stammer over the keys.
I know you will not read them,
Nor will you even know
Of their existence.
But they do,
I feel them every day that I draw breath.
And soon the days where I don't.
Time is the only remedy I have.
The cure to washing away all the **** that has collected,
Tearing away at me bit by bit.
Only when the last scrap of uncertainty has been wiped,
Will I be able to build anew.
You did what was needed,
You should feel no shame in that.
You did what I had done before,
And vowed to never do unto another again.
Or vengeance seek claim in my mind.
You did what was best for us,
And in time I know we will rekindle what was put on hold.
And still yet,
Through all of this,
I always remember what you had told me.
"Tears are just returning water to the sea".