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Charlie Oct 2020
That crippling loneliness with which I am well acquainted

Waiting as a silent observer

While I sit here and write

Sat here decaying waiting for that call

That vicious lump within my mother's womb

Is it what we fear the most?

That cruel diseases that took my grandmother from us too soon?

Every second drenched in fear and terror

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock
Tick
.
.
Charlie Oct 2020
Yaknow, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel anymore.

I know that I no longer pine for you like i once did nor hold the seething resentment that used to be so deeply entwined within my very soul at the mere suggestion of your existence.

I know that no matter what I would never want you back, and that I barely think about you anymore.

And yet-

There's still something stopping me moving on, being able to live my life truly apart from you.

Is there still an unfilled maw inside of me from all the pain you put me through?

Why can I simply not trust a man with my body or my soul anymore?

Why can't i just forget you ever burrowed your way into my life?
Charlie Jul 2020
That little ****** in my head
That little itch at the back of my mind
I thought I could ignore it at first but the longer I go on the louder and more prominent in my psyche he is.

It started with whispers
Quiet
Ignorable
But the more I ignored him the louder and angrier he got.

He wouldn't let me ignore him
He couldn't handle not being the center of my attention
So he started screaming.

Those screams
Those dreadful screams
I cannot sleep
I cannot escape him
I can only see
One
Way
Out
Charlie Feb 2019
To my dearest demons,
How have you been?
It's been a while since we've seen each-other
Yet here you are again.

Those weekly sessions of talking and crying to get you to disappear
seems futile now
Those dark feelings, those intrusive thoughts
of pain, of death and destruction,
Here you are again.

The unwelcomed guest, the evil within
how do I vanquish you once and for all?
Why does nothing work?
Why are you back to taunt me once again?
Charlie Apr 2018
That intense pain we caused Eachother
Not of flesh but
Soul
Day after day
Night after night
Fighting
Arguing
Loving
Hating
Loving
Hating
Then it stopped.
No more arguing
No more fighting
No more hating
And yet somehow I miss it?
How?
How can I miss the awful times we went through?
Charlie Nov 2017
I hate you
Truly
From the bottom of my heart
Because I loved you
With it all

I hate you
Truly
From the bottom of my heart
So why
Why do I miss you?

I hate you
Truly
From the bottom of my heart
So why can't I
Stop thinking about you?

I hate you
Truly
From the bottom of my heart
So why
Why can't I live without you?
Charlie Mar 2017
Your scratches and bites excited me at first
The gentle clawing and nibbling my neck
But you didn't stop there.

You got harder and harder until I bled
I asked you to stop
You bit harder.

It didn't take long for me
to enjoy the pain again
Because it was you
Ours bodies embraced.

That wasn't enough for you

You saw my enjoyment
and had to change it
You saw my pleasure
from your genetic violence
You wanted to hurt me, irreparably.

You attacked my body first, then moved to my brain, heart, soul
Your words burnt like fire
Your tongue lacerated my soul like a whip
Constant agony.

Unrequited love disguised with manipulation
You were pretending all along
And yet I stayed
Now, I am gone.

Forever yours in body, your little *******.
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