I am a closed book
My cover, only a silhouette
The contents, an infinite number of words
I could never speak out loud

I am an open vessel
Bottomless, rarely full
My lid is broken
Yet, you tip me upside down
I will not spill

There are no limits for my consumption
Though there are plenty for my exposure
Like music without lyrics,
I comfort those around me
Without making them feel anything in particular
Not great, nor terrible
A beautiful medium
Whose absence could well go unnoticed,
Eventually replaced

I am several mistakes,
A few secrets,
A couple of regrets
And one hidden heart

A messy mind
Inside and out
Reminders of the past
Earthquakes , car crashes,
Physical fights and emotional abuse

Like a sneaky bite
From a mosquito or an ant
You don’t see it happen
It hurts as soon as you realise
But it soon disappears
Never to be thought of again
Unless you scratch it too much,
Make it bleed and enlarge

It’s the trauma
I try not to scratch
Pretend it never happened
So I don’t tell others
As soon as I speak out loud
It’s as if I’m bitten again
The poison rises up
To the surface of my skin
And I scratch so hard
At something that is not there
Yet it still hurts
And bleeds, grows
Bigger and bigger
Eventually maturing
Into a visible scar

Then all secrets are lost
No longer concealed
Festering upon the mess
An absolute abomination
Inside this mind
Of mine

constantly regretting
never sorry

rarely happy
always smiling

never alone
yet forever lonely

often hungry
but barely eating

- eternally broken

I am here,
this is me,
this is me giving up
now.

I do not love you
(or me)
I never have
I do not love
I never could

For myself,
I am weak
this will never change

This is me
giving up, truly, this time
it will be better
tomorrow
we forget

lose me now
I am already lost
I am gone

An overwhelming wave of fear
hit me last night before bed
an understanding, a realization
of how it really feels
to have happiness taken away,
love, torn from my grasp

You are no longer here
with me, near me, inside of me
who would have thought
that I would need you so much?
I cannot let go
even though you are already gone

We were separated too soon
I need time to love you more
though, those were not my intentions
at the beginning
you were fun, we had fun
and now
all I want is more of you

I need more of you

so very alone
yet high in demand
I think often
of trees standing strong
over people holding hands
I wonder sometimes
about how tall we may grow

These people
they pull me tight
I resist, then regret
as a storm of emotions
knocks me to the ground

It's those feelings
of love, of fear
that make the crippling leaves
fall slowly to the ground
some are happy, now is their time

I have been loved
and I have been left behind
there is no hope
when these hands hold nothing
but empty hearts

A beautiful thing
we once had
has now shrunken
making room for more
from these people
who all want me
they will get me
and I will be lost

four times
in one day
she will say to me
she will say
I am lovable
then, she will go
and not come back

I ask her once
why can I not
love her

I found a letter
she had wrote
for another girl
it was beautiful

I want her
to make me happy
help me feel
nice feelings again

Why do they leave me
and why do I stay?

Stop them, please
I need to love
she needs to know
I cannot speak for my heart
when nobody is around
to listen, anymore