I care
I care so much it hurts
I care about the little things
The way his eyes light up when he talks about something he loves
The way he tells jokes and stories
Laughing so much he can't get the words out
The way he smiles when we hold hands and dance together
Even if it's just for show
I care so much about things most people don't even notice
But I care about the big things too
Things most everyone sees, but fails to address
The way his eyes are now, dull and void of life
The way he jokes about hating himself and wanting death
In a way that makes me think he really means it
The way his face is permanently frozen in the same weary expression, now that I can't make him laugh
Or even smile
I care about all these things, and they scare me
Because what if I'm right
About the way he feels
Because I don't know how to fix it, how to make him smile again
How to make his eyes light up the world like they used to
Because what if there's suddenly nothing more to notice, nothing more to care about
Because it's all gone
Because he's all gone
And nothing I did made a difference

If self-love was an ocean
Would you be willing to drown in it

Others die loving their lovers
but live hating themselves
so tell me is it worth it to give your love while you don’t even value its worth  

Because I see empty oceans
And many broken hearts
Beautiful pieces of art
that have been torn apart
By lovers that are millions of oceans apart

I can't sleep
Everytime I remember your words
They snap and recoil
And hurt me awake
Next time when someone
Promises me forever
I'll just smile
Look them in the eyes and ask
How long is forever to you.

I miss her, yet I cannot forget her.
Like echoes of a time long gone.
Silence is my reality.
Try as I might she still holds my mind tight.
Is it her fault for being so captivating?
Maybe it is my own doing, for loving her too deeply.
I feel lost in a lake of dreams.
Dreams haunted with her presence, and nightmares filled with her absence.
She has forgotten me.
Now I am the only scribe left to keep our memory alive. So I write on.
I will not forget these memories, nor will I stop dreaming of a fantasy no longer attainable.
I will forever chase these memories of a dream long gone.

If this were a movie
The sky would be painted grey
I'd run outside, my bare feet splashing rainwater
I'd chase her, screaming for her to stop
I'd pull her into my arms
Tell her I'm sorry, my tears mixing with rainwater
We'd hug in the downpour
She would love me again
But this was no movie
And she is gone