One reason I'm so scared to be with you
Is because often i think about how much I love you
And how If I ever lost you,
I would lose myself...

currently, stuck in this altered reality
of what is and what could of been

been holding onto feelings way too long
the way u treat me cant go on
hurts to think of how thing use to be
now drowning out these memories
with melodies
my remedies
consist of new bad tendencies
and the energy
I've wasted cant be reimbursed
in the end i think loving you was just a curse

love is hell

give it the chance
it'll show you well


so overwhelmed
by the constant swell
of emotion and i cant tell
if i will ever be well
from the heartbreak
they say time will tell
but can you please tell me..
how much more time
how many more empty feelings inside
how much more crying to sleep at night
how much more will i have to fight
with my mind
to let you go

these scars run deep
even though..
they don't quite show
hidden beneath
stored down below
but when unleashed
they overflow
and then its hard
to act normal
looking like crazy
crying phsyco
because it hurts
just like before
everytime fresh
the pain galore
it gushes out
then leaves me sore

looking for something
that could mean more
to fill the empty
to ease the mourn
dont know that its out there
can only hope
in times like these
can only hope

as she moves that cancer stick
so numbly to her lips
as if her movements are without purpose
while she's remembering his
she cries and she tries to stop the breaths so quick
they start to make her light headed
she says that she don't give a ****
but just don't wanna ******* admit it
just wants the ******* pain inside to subside
decides to take her slow drive in silence tonight
another  breath of nicotine in hopes to feel alright
closes her eyes.. just close your eyes

so lonely but it seems seeking attention makes it worse
its nights like these when love is just a ******* curse

maybe ill never really figure it out
but hope for turnabout
hope i get my **** together
learn to live without
whatever could have been
cant help but remember him
try to hide the memory from my mind
but its still seeping in

im not good at change
and wish i never knew your name
yea i grew as a person
but the pains here just the same
an im ****** up again
an I'm still doing things
i should learn to exchange
but bad habits hard to break

think I'm gonna cry soon

good thing i got some tissues

wishing you were here now

yea i known got some issues

but the tears just keep on falling
because i know you won't be calling
its just about accepting fate now
'round u the world just aint revolving
     so big, i feel so small in
  still so heavily involved in
 crazy how we get ****** into problems
when they're just not worth all the falling

n i don't know what to do to help
wishing it could be somebody else
who deals with these constant struggles
that my mind inflicts upon itself

another day another dollar
some more sad sounds
tho why i bother-
  entertaining all my demons
cant give an answer
cause id stutter

  been lost in all the madness
and cant keep track of all the sadness
i guess I'm crying for a reason
but outta no where it just happens

freak of nature
creature of habit
i try to change me
theres too much damage
look for another, easy solution
guess i just need, another bandage

then ill look as if I'm good as new
till the pain inside starts seeping thru

I'm broken and empty
Alone and i feel lost
With no one beside me
What does love cost
I don't want to keep living
Im scared of going on without you
This world is cruel and unforgiving
Tho something I already knew..

I don't know what we're doing
can't help the attraction
I see your face
can't help the reaction
I want you in my arms
can't help but pull you close
I see your lips and start
to lean in before I know
what I'm doing
but i don't know what I'm doing
Just that when you're near me
I need to feel your body moving
and I crave you when your gone
Even though I see you moving on
and I want to keep you here with me
But thats not fair
I want to set you free
but what if you leave me here...

Today the sun didn't come out
I'm getting use to the rain
Can't help but catch myself dawdling
and wishing you were here to fill the pain.

No one will ever care about me the way he does..
But he doesn't care about me the way I need him to..

lost girl with a lotta problems
doing all the wrong things to solve um
but it makes her feel better so
she don't feel she can live without um

helps with the empty feeling
help with  the reminiscing
helps with the distant feeling
that something always seems to be missing

helps when she alone at night
helps when she aint feeling right
helps but she's scared it might
lead her down a path that cant see the light

the drugs help but only for so long
**** it,.. keep the party going on
people always say that she so strong
.. but what if they're wrong

I'm just dancing, drinking, till it, stops the thinking
tryna stay up but i feel I'm sinking
splash some cold water from the sink n
let the last couple of shots sink in
i feel like I'm trying but i don't know
nothing seems clear to me no more
try hard not to let the pain show
but **** man, sometimes it just explode


I'm drinking for all the wrong reasons
right now i don't give a ****
just glad it helps numb the feelings
feels like i cant get enough

I long to feel love in life
and i strive to for a sense of secure
winding through the wide well of emotion
my mind masks silent ******

confusion constantly crowds
and judgment shifts in weight
back n forth between extremes
like picking pedals; deciding fate

ill wait for you, for now
i pray to find a pleasant place
and take you with me if you'll go
could always use friendly face..

I feel sick every ******* time I think of you
My heart pounds in my throat
I don't want to remember
I don't want to feel alone
At times like this I really wonder
Was it worth the lessons learned
Im not sure if i will survive this
or if my sanity will ever return
Because you were all I new
Aside from a life time of pain
and I thought that when I met you
The pain had finally gone away..
But we've grown apart
And it hurts everyday
I wish so badly that something could take this pain away..

Im a stranger to myself without you
You were half of me and now you're gone
I will never let someone so close again

I never knew how much pain
a single drop of water could contain..

It leaves it's trail on my face,
like you left yours on my heart..

I want to fix what is broken,
but I have no idea where to start..

I'm so defeated and so sad,
We're just falling apart..

You say I'm crazy for crying everyday but I don't know how to handle a life with so much pain..

People are obtuse to my insecurities
and blissfully ignorant to my mind
never being bothered by the depression
or pestering anxiety that lies inside..