I wonder whose arms I would run and fall into if I were drunk in a room with everyone I have ever loved

Do not wash my hair
dress me up
or close my eyes
I am what I am
a husk, a shell discarded
and turning up at my own funeral in a bow tie
all shampooed and combed hair
with my eyes shut as if napping through it all
would never be my idea of acceptable.

Up to the looking glass
you can see
none too clear

A pink hazed unreality
beckoning your touch

A myriad of music notes
pulling your hand

Your own voice covers you
in a blanket of warmth
humming to you
still, still, still

Inside the looking glass
you can see
none too clear

A gray clouded fantasy
begging for your taste

A shattered vanity
sinking into your teeth

Your own voice covers you
in a blanket of warmth
humming to you
shh, shh, shh

In conscious hours the mask I wear,
Of indifference to cares,
Becomes more than a mere facade.
I too don't know it's there.

But in the night when darkness takes
The mask from off my face
I close my eyes and my dreams start.
Like torches to my heart.

I made my choice, I had to say
I didn't have a care.
But when the eve had ended day,
My mind's eye saw you there.

Your smile your lips your hair your eyes.
I played my humble part.
And while I lived my life of lies
Another took your heart.

At first it was all just a game
To watch the drama fly.
The ups and downs and go-arounds.
I really rolled my eyes.

When did it change? I couldn't say,
Cause I don't really know.
When did the cynic in me die?
When did my love start growth?

And here I am, trapped in myself.
My true feelings to hide.
As love evolved between you both
Myself I do despise.

You'll never know the pain I felt
To watch you two converse.
You smile at him, he smiles at you,
I feel my heartstrings burst.

I dealt with it the best I could,
The cruel punishment.
To be the third wheel of it all
When you two came or went.

I think the hardest part for me
Was when he asked advice.
He'd ask of me "What would you do?"
I tried to steer him right.

I helped him word his letters,
Advised him what to say.
I coached him as he talked to you
And silently I prayed:

"Oh Lord when will my time here end?
I can't take it anymore.
Emotionally beaten.
Inside my heart is torn."

Now here am I, defenseless.
My mask in shatters lies.
I can no more deceive myself,
As tears spring to my eyes.

I won't lie, I tried and tried
To lock away my heart.
But in the end I stood no chance
Against your beauty's charms.

As you now prepare to leave
Your family and your home
A part of me will go with you.
I'll feel very alone.

I'll miss the stars within your eyes,
The sunshine in your smile.
The way you laughed and talked with me.
The way you dressed with style.

I wish you both the best of luck.
You'll both be leaving me.
I hope you have fun in the States
While I'm across the sea.

To me you're the most beautiful
Girl that I've seen
While I've lived my time on earth,
And wherever else I've been.

I know that you and him
Really have a thing.
I won't get between you two,
Just let the love birds sing.

But if he ever breaks your heart,
Or if things don't work right,
You'll always have a friend in me
Through all the trials of life.

Thank you, Princess, for everything,
for letting us be friends.
I love you, and I bid farewell.
Until we meet again.

Doing wrong things
in the right way
while following reasons
only you'd know yourself.

A crisp and solemn early autumn
with fallen leaves,
shivering hands,
deathly quiet.
Then heavy breathes,
searching for some kind of warmth.

Yet it has gone,
the warmth of summer,
yes it has fallen away with the leaves,
and he has breathed his last.

Shivered hands do quake under this cold,
deathly quiet,
darkness.

Yet he has gone,
his life,
fallen with the leaves,
another death in this crisp and solemn early autumn.