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I suffocated myself with the words I didn't say.
I closed the door.
Falling to my knees,
head in my hands
and I wept.
I shook.
And I rocked.
And I wept.

The world fell silent,
and dark.
The blood seeped through my clothes.
Burning scarlet.

The arrows embedded so deep.
Deep into my flesh.
Piercing flesh and organs.
Each a death blow.
And I wept..

The arrows stood out from me,
proud and valiant.
Poison tipped.
Bringing about my demise.
And I wept..

And in this silent world,
the voices came.
And one by one
the arrows were taken from me.
Tearing skin from flesh,
flesh from bone.
And in my agony,
I wept..

The ground,
a pool of my blood.
Pouring carmine.

But the voices remained.
Whispering prayers.
Words to heal.
Songs of kindness and hope.
Lullabies of peace.

And in time,
there became a comforting stillness,
and a moment of light.
An ember.
Blew upon
with the breath of kind hearts.

And in that moment,
I had hope.
I felt loved.
And I will remain.

My wounds will heal.
My skin will be marred for all time.
But I will remain.
I will stand up and smile once more.
I will be happy for my time.

Opening the door,
to do battle once again.
Sometimes life kicks your ****.
But that's when you put on your happy face
and kick it's **** right back.
Deep breaths
I n  y o u r  n o s e
O u t  y o u r  m o u t h
Count to 10
And over again.
Settle your nerves,
Set up barriers,
And fall into welcoming numbness
It's just a cycle, a routine,
I get to his house and he starts to yell.
He shouts and he calls me names
As my tears burn my cheeks.
He taunts me for letting myself be bullied in the 4th grade
He insults my mother for going through 2 boyfriends in 10 years
He leaves the room and gets high
And comes back later as angry as ever.
He yells some more,
Threatens to hit me,
Sometimes he does.
Then he leaves and comes back later
All happy and bubbly and sweet.
He apologizes and I accept, although I know I shouldn't.
I know I should stand up
I know I should take charge
I know I should put my foot down,
Say "enough is enough" and call my mom,
But a part of me chooses not to
A part of me feels guilty
A part of me feels bad for even considering leaving.
I know he can't help it, he snaps so easily.
Let me tell you,
Living with a drunk bipolar man with anger issues when he smokes ***
Is utter hell sometimes
my dad has been emotionally and verbally abusive but i've been too scared to leave and go to my mom's more because he tends to guilt-trip people
i should be asleep but instead I'm up
i have been painting and drawing
i am happy
that word sounds strange in my mouth
i havent spoken it in so long
things do get better
you just have to hold on
i wanted it all to stop
and i almost did
but now I'm happy
you can do it too
i know its hard
gods do i know
but i believe in you
and if you ever need somebody to talk to
and to listen to you
I'm here
so just hold on
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