after you've mix two souls
combine the brightest blues
with the deepest reds
but it becomes all too heavy
and you're ready to go
lace up your shoes and turn off the light
how can you tell which bits are yours
and which are theirs?
is it ever possible to be entirely untangled
or do you leave holding pieces that don't match?
left with gaps that feel hollow
can you get them back?
can you grow anew?
the feat truly feels unfathomable
it seems as though
when you walk away from love
you’ll always be carrying too little
or carrying too much

he smiled, "that's the star I wished for you"

"how can you tell?"

"it's the same one that shines in your eyes"

the memories they came in waves

at first the tide rushed in all the bad
the nights we'd sit in silence
the times you forgot to hold my hand
all the times you shut me out
from seeing into your soul
and the way you assumed i knew all about
the feelings you never told

i wish you would have told me
i wish i would have know

maybe you could have been the one

it's a shame we'll never know

Get a start, get a life,
Go get you a pretty wife,
Go to school, pay your bills,
Don't forgot to write your will,
Smile more, worry less,
Look, you're making progress!
Buy car, take a trip,
Try to keep it young and hip,
Watch your weight, doll it up,
You really need to fill your cup,
Give it in, Cede to God,
In his power, you are awed,
And though I try, I can't believe,
The lies that I, myself, conceive,
To fight the cold, impending sound,
Of it all crumbling all around,
And myself being put into the ground

I don't want flowers or jewelry
I don't want to remember you through material objects that will wilt or get lost
I don't want temporary.
I crave something meaningful
Something permanent

So
Show me your deepest fears
Bear to me your soul
Complete with every
Crack
fracture
And microscopic imperfection
Tell me about
Your weirdest obsessions
Your favorite stories
Explain  your scars
Both visceral
And visual
Tell me everything
wishes and dreams
Anxieties
qualities about yourself
that make you wonder
if you could ever be loved.
the quirks that you fear others will deem bothersome.

And I swear to you, with every pure intention in my heart.

There's no possible way I won't think it's beautiful.

one time he and i were sitting in bed and i said "where do you feel stuff?" and he said "what do you mean?" and i said "here is anxiety," and i pointed to my bottom ribs where the glass in my body starts.

he pointed to his throat "it's here for me."
i keep anger in my calves, he holds it in his hands.
i feel sadness in my lungs, he feels it in his stomach. we play this game until we come to love and i realize i'm terrified (jugular) of what might come.
what if it's not the same, what if he feels it somewhere else. what if it's just a flash fire not a slow burn, what if it's congealing in one place instead of radiating.

i try to change topics (flight response: jaw) and he takes my hands and puts them over his ribs.
"i feel love everywhere. like the sun is trying to escape me, like i'm being consumed and it's filling up all the parts where i used to be empty."

i say "don't be ridiculous, humans are 99% empty space." i nervous laugh (my glass ribs break) and I shift awkwardly, like i always do when i'm uncomfortable (legs)

"everywhere" he repeats and he holds his gaze with mine.

Mercury,
We came in close and so fast
I wondered who was
In orbit around who
When in actuality
We encircled each other.
You wore copper eyeshadow
And I still think it's the most beautiful thing you've ever worn

Venus,
Your hair was so lovely
You claimed you never needed to brush it
Because I would always run my hands through it anyways.
You had dimples and reminded me
Of some forgotten lullaby.
I wish you sang me to sleep.

Earth,
Down to it and practical
I don't know how we ever fit,
Seeing as I'm in the clouds
And you're firm in the ground.
We can't reach each other
The distance is sometimes too much.

Mars,
You loved me before you knew me
And that was a mistake
Because I was in a bad place
And I only brought you
Further down
I'm sorry honey.

Jupiter,
So I chucked plans and list
Out the window for you,

Threw my
heart

Into your
Hands.
Did you even want it?
Or did you want my tally marked heart?

Saturn,
'Marry me
We can live
Together far away
From all these disappointments."
But I didn't want to leave,
Because if I left, I'd never stop drifting.
You didn't like my answer.

Uranus,
Things with you were so so backwards
I asked you to be mine
I bought you flowers
I kissed first
I tried
To stop
But I love
Too much
Too fast
Too pure

Neptune,
We're constellations
I could look at the star streaked sky
While you pushed the swing higher
And higher,
And see
Us
Holding hands
But I left
Because your permanence scared me
I apologize for disappearing

Pluto,*
We haven't met yet
In this romantic dance
But I hope you have a wonderful heart
If you're reading this
Or if you read it one day
I would just like to hold your hand
And tell you how beautiful you are
I don't need much
Just a chance