We pose for a photo
Your hand
On the small of my back
Smile, click, flash,
And you forge a path down and away
And I am wide wide awake
We pose for a photo
Your hand
On my arm
Smile, click, flash,
And you trace your fingers down and away
And I am wide wide awake
These shocks you give me
Could power Tokyo
But they're all mine
And I can only stand and be electrocuted by your little touches
While you find energy elsewhere
I need you like an artificial heart needs a charge
You need me like a light switch in a thunderstorm

Last night I dreamed the world was ending
Screams of fear only broke the glass that kept our lives together
Everyone was falling through the sky into nothing
It was a beautiful day
And I reached for you
Even though it was all over for us
I needed you still
I couldn't quite stretch
Far enough before the sky cracked
And we were falling
And my tears dried in the wind
And you were smiling
Telling me even now
That it was going to be okay

I've stepped out of myself
Looking from above all my
Problems are small!
Big letters mean big hearts
Mean big LOVE!
Look at the pretty sweaty
Windowsill
Look at the things moving but still
There is no normal 'cause no one's
Sure if anyone else is here
At this cloud look at me
Move as if through jello
All is calm, all is soft
Look at all the pretty little things
All of them seem so small
Everything's in order and I can see
The order
Which song leads to a sour note?
I can read the music
I can breathe a sigh of absolute
Relief
Because now I know what
To do
Just to stay in the path
Or forge my own
The first breath tasted
The sweetest
Everything is exactly as
It should be

This
All of this
This browsing in Walgreens when I have no ******* money to spend on makeup or pencils or tampons or iPod chargers or candles or diapers or juice or valentines or matches or tissues or anything
I have no ******* money to spend on anything
I have no ******* money to spend on food or water or air or freedom
And they touch me when I scream DON'T ******* TOUCH ME
And they feed me when I scream DON'T ******* FEED ME
DON'T ******* TOUCH ME
DON'T ******* FEED ME
I'M GOING OUTSIDE INTO THE PRISON YARD THAT STRETCHES ON FOR MILES AND MILES AND MILES
I'M GOING OUTSIDE INTO THE PRISON YARD THAT GOES ON FOR MILES AND MILES AND MILES AND IT NEVER ******* ENDS
I have no choice but to let them touch me
I have no choice but to let them feed me
Because they can
Because they can
And I am nothing
And I AM NOTHING
GET ME OUT OF HERE
OPEN THIS ******* DOOR
LET ME OUT
DO YOU ******* HEAR ME
LET
ME
OUT

She sees a friend
I pray for more
And in her hands
Her cold cross cuts
Her gift to me
Her faith that guides
And in her hands
Her cold cross cuts
Our hands connect
Hers cool, mine fire
And in our hands
Her cold cross cuts
Her eyes on mine
I stammer thanks
And in our hands
Her cold cross cuts
She walks away
Into the night
And in my hands
Her cold cross cuts

I can see into the 5 minute future
It's not even six o'clock
Music defines time
I'm furious for not knowing this before
Your name sobers
Me in a different
Way than getting
Sober
Does
Different from this control freak
I am compelled to write this for you
I love you I LOVE YOU
more than Germany
Loves you more than anyone
Loves you falling
Razor sides moves to the
Rings there's still liquid
In it I don't know
All I know is
I shouldn't be this sorry

It's not worth it
This front flip
You're safe
You're talking
I am miles awake
Curbing habits
You're safe
You are
I know this as sober
I know this guitar hero
Earth ****** flat
A song controls my
Life I am
Pulling this
Family apart

I feel like a murderer
Put me down
Bullet
Head
I'm dead
Don't tell anyone or
I'll **** you
Stop shaking or she'll
Find you
Don't look or she'll
**** you
Death
Now

It's been two years since the first burning
There are still scars to remember me by
And new ones to cover them up
I've been carved up like the pumpkins they had
Preparing for the season of spices
And masks
I wore no mask
My face was raw
From the fire I'd walked right into
It still shines from time to time
Glistening with effort, fear
And tears of despair
At night when the world goes quiet
My mind is loudest
All I've done wrong
Everything I've ****** up
Conversations I shouldn't have had
Words I shouldn't have said
I can't take them back
So die
So die
So sleep
Wake up and everything's okay again
Pop my ProZac
Step into the sun
Be strong
But for how long?

I see red
Of course she is red

                                                                A fire I do not dare to grasp
                                                                But oh, do I dream

Not mine
Of course not mine

                                                                This much is customary
                                                                 I'm used to that

Beautiful, and full of joy
                                                                It's always this way
                                                                Why is it always this way?
                                                                She must not know
                                                                I have to tell her
                                                                But do I?
That sweetness
I will never have

You don't realize how important someone is
Until you can never hear his smile again
Until you can reach through the space he has left
In your chest
That emptiness
That's where he was
That's what you're missing
You don't understand how much you love someone
Until you can't tell him anymore
Until no matter how loudly you scream it
He just won't hear you
For tonight and tomorrow and forever
He sleeps peacefully
While you toss and turn in tears
Why
why
why

We watched the fire burn until it died
Kicked dust upon the embers then and sighed
We watched the moon retreat into the sky
We watched the lightning strike and wondered why
And when you took me home I tried to smile
Because at least I'd seen you for a while
But then you left and so my heart went south
I'm left with naught but ashes in my mouth

Little bird
I wish to keep you safe
under my wing
tucked away
out of the storm
I wish to shelter you
let no rain touch your feathers
let no pain touch your heart
I wish to be your sun
to warm you from the winter's chill
I wish to be the spring

I have no middle
I am not empty
If there was nothing to fill in the first place
My fingers dance
Where there is no music
There will be no music
Never again
I was born to die
Never to smile
Never to feel the joy
of togetherness
Of light
No tears
Only space
Drifting away from the shores of
Sanity
The shadows have gone and I am alone
in the grey

Your ice touched the fire
it was I who got burned
You held tight to the flames
for which I always yearned
You were given her soul
and you gave it no thought
While I'll never have
what I desperately sought
I am broken, I've shriveled
I'm shattered, bereft
I had no hope to start with
now I have nothing left

I want to light a fire inside you
To stoke your flames
And make your body melt
I want to see your eyes ablaze
To feel the smoke
Rise off your body
I want you to beg me to
Satisfy this unbearable heat
I want to bring you to a boil
And breathe in the steam that you gasp out
I want to burn my fingers when I touch you
As I make your temperature soar higher
I want to scald my tongue when I taste you
And when you burn out beautifully
I want to cradle your glowing embers
And keep you warm
For next time

Who decided
fire
was the word to describe this?
He has made me into
water
with only his words

She whispers my name
but I can hear her
clear as day
I turn
and she's there
she smiles and laughs
and tilts her head
just so
And together we close the distance between us
and my mind sighs
and she sighs
as I run my fingers through her hair
just so
and the moment is perfection
and it is just as I dream
as I dream
I dream
and my eyes drift open
and I sleep

She simply
wants me to
stay
asleep
stay
with her
In my dreams
forever
or at least
until
she's through with me

Icy pitch
No warmth in her tone
all is cold
she frosts glass with her breath
her nose almost touching the mirror
glaring coldly into her own eyes
tears freeze
in the middle of their
descent
down her stony face
but the blue blood that drips down
into the sink
makes her arms feel warm
and fills her with
fire

Everything stops when I see the            blur
hear the low, vibrating                                 buzz
                                                       RIGHT IN MY EAR
Flinch
spasm
FREEZE

My muscles
every last one
tense and rigid

                                         Don't
                                          Move
        ­                                    An
                        ­                         Inch
My head snaps to my shoulder
My hands fly to my neck
                                   my signature tic
protect my ears protect my head
or the monster
the horror
                               the bee
will fly into my skull and-


I feel its legs                covered in short fibrous tendrils oh god no

scuttling inside my head an itch I can't scratch

a whimper lodges in my throat
                               threatens to turn into a

SCREAM

-into my brain

the blur flashes by
as sweat     r
                      o
                          l
           ­                 l
                              s
down my back
MY SKIN IS BURNING EVERYTHING IS BURNING
the wasp in my head is
STINGING ME EVERYWHERE AT ONCE
Tears sting
Arms sting
everything stings

***** this phobia!

Burn, freeze, sanitize
my hands
So they'll forget how yours feel
Cleanse my skin again and again
And maybe I won't remember
How soft you were in my arms
Lobotomize my brain, please
So I can forget who you are to me
Then maybe a smile
will appear on my cracked lips
And I will
lose you
to that beautiful new world

I'm so tired
Everything is so heavy
                                            Who am I?
I'm so tired
Everything is so blurry
Around the edges
                                            Keep walking
                                           Keep breathing
To the beat of a drum
                                           Keep living
I'm so tired
Don't shut down
They tell me
But deep down I know
                                           it's only a matter of time


Everybody dies
The world stops for
No one

Every step is heavy
Her legs are made of lead
Her eyes are cast down, weary
of the shadows in her head

*high school student killed in car accident...

With cries of
he is risen
and the broken necks bent skyward
and the chorus of the spring
and the empty gaze of millions
Friends lost to the flood
of a following

Again I falter
For the arrow
Who would remain so and break (hearts)
Than bend or curve
The contours of her body
Sharp, so sharp
Her hair bleeds
And her voice
and her eyes
and her heart
So sweet
I ache for her again
Though I know
'Tis in vain
For the woman who loves the arrow ends up split in twain.

Wars and weapons
Dreams destroyed
Lives cut short
A-bombs, H-bombs, F-bombs dropped
And all around you bodies lie
Defeat is inevitable
Just depends what you're fighting for
You can't wage war to keep peace
You can't stand by and watch your home burn to the ground
Verbal assault runs rampant
And the dove with the olive branch
Was just brought down
By the weapons of mass destruction
We keep on our tongues
And in our hearts

It doesn't feel that way to me
Right now
It feels like hell burst free to claw at my heart
A cold fire burns me
One that makes me
Despise humanity (but never you)
I don't want to see the sky above
Because the light that radiates from you
Is blinding even as it fades
And now it melts away my eyes
And now it chars my lips
Gasoline! You are gasoline
And I drank you up
And you'll burn me down.

Ugly, she moaned
as her eyes cloud
and she looks in the mirror at
the horrible monster that isn't her
She sees it
I cannot
I see an angel with golden wings
sigh and preen again
but I long to tell her
You cannot tend to one who is already perfect

Dream knelt beside Reality
And
Brought her back to life
and Reality opened her eyes
and looked into Dream's
And suddenly
Dream came true
and Reality loved Dream
and Dream loved Reality
and they became heaven.

I never knew how hard it was to die
It's tougher than I thought it was
The end so close
and yet so far
and the more I want it the farther it gets
How much blood must I shed to reach that shore
the end of a sea of pain?
How far must I go to find the grave
and be happy?
How hard can it be
to achieve the last great indulgence?

She is her own island
A porcelain memory with
tendrils twisting through the brutally
polite obsession of her few inhabitants
She fancies herself abandoned-laughable!
Doomed daffodils embroider themselves into her hair and
frame her cold hands, pale arms
(mortared, mistranslated) scars
fingernails like moons slaughter foreigners
and petrify
the flea ridden.

It gets better
he said soothingly
And he wasn't the first to say it
nor-I think-will he be the last
but it was the first time
I believed it if only for a moment
Take your time, he assured me
And in a world of
rush rush rush
Those words alone made sense to me
and as we stood and smiled I felt hope flicker to life
at least for a moment