here's the thing:

there are days when i lose my rhythm of life
my legs stumble across walking flat pavement
i lose my balance on the stable ends of the road
i jump headfirst in manholes meant for excavation
and i refuse to exit the darkness
there are days like these

there are days when i run dry
my mouth becomes a desert crawling with prayers
my flesh is a wasteland of golden opportunity
my vision is a disfigured specter in shades of grey
and every sound translates into white noise
there are days like these

there are days when words do not help
every apology and thank you leaves me raw
i bleed and hurt and bleed and hurt
and every word still leaves me ******
i will allow myself to be empty on days like these
there will always be days like these

these days do not end in salvation
these are the horsemen of my apocalypse
and on the backs of every stallion
is a part of me that tramples over
the greatest dimensions of who i am
they leave prints not easily covered
they leave me a little more scarred
they leave me a little more tired

here's the thing:

these are the days that become my muses
these are the days of great wreckage
and someday these days will be myths
great stories meant for the taking
but for now
this is the truth.

You can hear silence, if you listen.
        Stop your breathe and tap
          into the empty.

Oh chalice of hope, too often
        left unfilled, drain
          the resistance.

Lie back, close the thoughts
        and open your eyes.
Believing does not
        require seeing.

Allow sentence after sentence
        to remain unanswered.
Be unrestricted enough
        to not be alarmed.

Fountain of ice, melt away
        and liquefy into sharp
          pencils of vision.

Sighing in peace, letting
        the lace curtains of
          contentment to rise.

Skin to be stroked
        with the developing
        essence of being
        in contemplative mode.

You can hear silence, if you listen.
        Listen now.

This is Eighteen the size of thirteen,
with the ego of twenty something stupid
"we are young heartache..."
to heart ache we stand - love and life
and the streets
we breathe and eat
everything seems like "a battle field"
still I look for myself
asking who dat? --inside
the mirror and the heart
who am I ?
Love is rain, life's battlefield
my thirst
droplets on the window pane
thunder outside
rolls hollow from inside mine...

On the other side of my bedroom door
opposite George Michael's poster
faithfully ****
a married couple argue
about money, about fidelity, about anything
that leaves the blame
on the one who feels more empty
but somehow
momma's too smart of a mouth
wakes the Kraken
and a drunken man is not a man
when he loses sight
as his manly fists lands an eye
a cheek, a lower lip

This is eighteen the size of thirteen
defense against a wall of baller height of 6'6''
I crash against wood and tile
in a haze of screams and electric sting of pain
the smell of beer
and falling purple rain
from the iron blow of fathers
drowning his demons
inflicting pain
rather than feeling himself
his jealousy has morphed into a vicious wolf,
blind with red hate...

From the floor I grip her hand
our eyes speak with one another
as we wept and I vowed this - the last
time he hurt my mother
or any other...

Prince on the FM, a deeper rain
with a perfect anthem
for those darker days

When our tears were so deep
they stung
our hearts in its flood
purple rain and blood

this was Eighteen
the size of two hearts growing up
Gettin'
strong...

We attempt rescue, unable to bear
the stardust-coated dragonfly
beat, beat, beating
frantic on the glass.

We entice him to perch
on our extended lifeline-broom
nurse him in a box, where he flutters
quivers, lies quietly blue.

My son cries bitterly
as we place a minute cross
upon the dragonfly grave
while intoning our final goodbyes:

We honor those who have fallen victim
to this fatal architectural trap, lured
by skylights of enticing white-light death
and the paned illusion of freedom.

In admiration of winged determination
and perseverance in the face of futility
we carefully tend the fragile, curved bodies
lay them here to rest under the mock orange.

years of gauze-weighted detritus
swept beneath these ponderous shrubs
a reminder - what seems like freedom
                                                         ­           often isn’t.

Blossoms are the
Hopes and dreams
Attached to the thorny
Stems of life
We all have to climb
To smell the roses