The night watchman lights his lantern
From his balcony in the sky,
Shining his light on lovers each night,
And when they kiss, you'll hear him sigh

But tonight the moon is worried,
Frantic calls of anguish arise,
And as his light spills on darkened hills,
He starts searching with anxious eyes

The moon scatters beams north and south,
Fearing for the troubled lovers,
Feeling distressed, he looks east and west,
Then weeps for what he discovers

In the dark, a heart-wrenching scene ....
A woman,  alone with her tears,
And while she cries, the moon denies
The sad truth that her heart most fears

Her dearest love has gone missing,
He has not been heard from in weeks,
No word from him, her hope grows dim,
To her heart a fearful voice speaks

O, careless moon, what have you done,
She lost him when you looked away,
Slowly she dies, pain blurs her eyes,
What fate befell him, can you say?

Can you shed no light on her woe?
Please try, send her spirits flying!
He must be found soon, please, dear moon,
Little by little .....  she is dying

your love letters used to make me feel
love
and then hate
but now
they are just words on paper
and all they make me feel is
free.

E,

The dusty book of matches rests innocently on my bed-side table, beside a book and a clock. On the wall hangs an old photograph, of a time better forgotten. I sold the truck because I couldn't deal with the memories. My school diploma sits desolate in a forgotten drawer. These objects all have one thing in common. You. But you don't even know the madness you caused me. I got you through breakup after breakup. We graduated together. You told me you loved me. Then you left me lifeless in a heap upon the floor. Know this...
She's everything you could never be. And I'm happy with her. Maybe someday I'll explain, but I doubt it. Because though I may not do much to spare people's feelings, I pity you for being so ******* short-sighted.

Hypothetically,
From me to you.

M.

The world is a heavy burden
a place that builds you up
with broken bits of brick,
rage, and pain.

The wind carries the names
of those who are to silent
to ever really blame me
for all that we lost.

I rush to write this
memory of truth I found
before it slips my grip
and drips down into
the crypt that carried the few
who left me behind to brood.

I am angry and sad
to see my granddad
discarded at a nursing home.
A diabetic left to die alone
not because he was not loved
but because we all had lives to live.
I forgive all of them
but deny myself that mercy.
On the last day he was alive
he said goodbye
in his own way.
When I said “I loved him”
he weakly replied “thank you.”
Though it was not his intent to,
he made me I feel like I had failed him.
My familial affections
must have seemed like rain
on the desert wind,
brief and rare.
I left him there
and he died.
Frequently,
I wake day or night
with tears in my eye

I am angry and sad
that I saw my grandma wither,
looking like
some small sickly goblin
at the end of her life
because her loved ones
would not let her
let herself die.
They forced her to eat
when she could not leave
that bed where she slept.
While death crept
I kept to myself
to lazy and afraid
to deal with the tension
of arguing with her
about my lack of
her religion.
So, she died
and my anger
simmered inside
as the tears flowed
outside.

I am angry and sad
that I treated my brother so bad.
I was struggling at nineteen
and did not want to see
the mother who hurt me.
So, I avoided him
left him trapped
alone with an abusive
patriarch
to break his heart
and his pain broke mine.
Though he has forgiven me
I cannot let go so easily
and my rage keeps boiling.

I am angry and sad,
made to feel bad,
left seething mad
because I saw
living loved ones
exit my life
beyond the stage lights.
It was their right
but it feels like
their leaving
was saying
that I was not good enough
to keep the ones I loved
in my life.
Black haired girl
left for the Army.
Black haired girl
left our online friendship.
Blond girl
left for her original lover.
One friend gone
then time takes another.
Brown haired girl
moved on to someone better.
How could I not,
I had to let her.
Here my heart breaks again
thought I made a beautiful friend
but it is her turn to leave.

In being left again
I turn my pain and rage within
to disintegrate the one I hate.
I despise those mirror eyes
whom are not good enough
to keep the ones I love.
I long for the day
gray hairs, false teeth,
and wrinkles take me
to a place where no one
can ever leave me again.

Pull your hair out, pull your ******* hair out.
Punch yourself in the face you ******* deserve it.
Can't breathe again.
Weights pressing down on your chest.
**** not again, no not again.
Gonna say something you regret-
Don't ******* text him, don't do it.
******* did it.
Great, now your relationship will probably be over.
Everything feels over, everything is ending.
I want everything to end...

The tears stream down my face
the lungs I use to breathe are the only things holding me back
these hands I use to write are gripping the pavement again
because I don't think I've ever felt so low.
But just yesterday I was on such an endorphin high
I was running in the rain until my socks were
just puddles below my feet
the sky was just an outline of the child I used to be
and now everything feels so ******* temporary-
you can't catch your breath long enough to tell yourself
everything will be okay and somehow earlier today
you were doing just fine.
But these hand clutch your skull again
as you pull your hair-
hoping you are ripped to shreds
because you are trapped inside yourself
a prisoner of your own body and it will never leave
everyday you fight harder to survive
but it seems like each ******* episode gets worse.
Every mistake makes you feel worse-
every mis-autocorrected word on your phone is like
someone punching you in the throat
and you somehow let that control you and you breakdown-
throw your phone and it crashes at the wall again.
You hate yourself for these things you can't control.
Everyday is a battle you can't win
and everything falls to the ground again-
including yourself.
There is a city upon your shoulders now
and it seems your mind is only building it even higher-
you wished you could throw it off but it's getting too heavy now.
All you can do is sit and wait for it to crush you from the inside out-
slowing breaking you down one missed phone call
and un-replied text message at a time
you are breaking down.
All the help you once searched for has gone out of business
and the man on the inside ran away because it was too much to handle-
you've always been to much to handle.
But those days when everything seems wonderful come-
those days when the hands you possess seem like shooting stars
making your every wish come true again-
you are invincible.
Nights spent laughing at four walls encased with your sense of humor
and indulging yourself because everything seems so good again.
But you remember this won't last too long and your back-
back to agitation inside your bones and the war inside your head,
city on your shoulders you are crushed under the weight.

Some days it feels as if all I need is myself to make me happy-
some days it's this same self that brings me so much misery.
Other days I'm just myself, getting by like everyone else.
Then on the worst days, they all hold hands and become friends
they all form a clique and I become a target for misplaced aggression.
My manic depression is a bully, 6pm traffic jams-
and spills on your new t-shirt.
My manic depression is a sugar high, 3pm mid day naps
and waking up just in time for McDonald's breakfast.  
My manic depressions is nirvana and insanity
it holds my hand across busy streets-
but will also never let go of me.

Cigarette smoke and **** colored beer
Family is a suckerpunch epiphany
For people who’ve spent so much time
Saying they no longer had one

I swore forever
Mine was missing parts
This heart carved shells
Let’s swap odd shapes
Re-sew them and **** up our beats forever
Together

If the world is ending and you find me here
Kicking up the earth
Dirt scatter to the wind
Brown blood spatter
That’s just me trying to escape faster

Join me or leave me
But I got this beef with gravity
Like a severed head tetherball
This face senseless

You make me senseless

Numb to all the bad parts
In the same way salt makes everything sweeter
You make everything sweeter
Your salty skin
Sweet mouth
Sweet speak
Sweet laughter

Make me feel a little less stupid
About giving in to the movement
This mouth
This body
Like a knee-buckle kick to the gas pedal
And I peel out by accident

And you can still love me
Like family
I’ve slept in so many beds
And on so many floors
All so much more comfortable than my own

I swear I have bed bugs
Drinking my blood as I sleep
Getting drunk most nights
Them and me
Wake up itchy and fatigued
Like an allergy

But you
You smile like a hammock
Held up by strings hanging from your eye squint
To your dimples

Without speaking
“you can rest here tonight”

This is for the beds
For the people who say ouch when I hug them
For the family I thought I never had

For the appreciation that
Every moment of sadness
Means I’ve known so much joy
To feel that way

I’ve known so much joy
Thank you

I have so many things I want to tell you. I want you to know that I still love you with everything I have. I also want you to know I miss you so much it makes me sick. it's been so hard without you. I would say anything to make you love me again. but I know you don't care about me anymore so it's useless. I still feel you pulsing through my veins so I tear my skin open most nights to get you out. my body is littered with cuts of your remnants, but that's okay. you have made me so numb. I can't move on and I can't love anybody else because they aren't you. I will die alone just because I feel you are the only one for me. I wish you could read all my poems, cause every single one of them is about you. I really just want you to know that I am lost and cold and bitter and broken and screaming on the inside without you. I just wish I knew how to live without you. cause what I'm doing right now is not living. do you remember all the good times we had? talking on the phone at 5 am with no intention of going to bed soon. listening to the best music in your car with the volume all the way up. when you traced my veins with your fingertips and I felt fireworks go off inside of me. I miss your eyes. they read me like a book, but I guess you didn't like reading. your eyes, along with your arms were home to me. I could look in your eyes and know that I had a place in this world, and knew that it was with you. and they were so beautiful. they were my favorite color. I miss the energy your skin gave off. when I was near you, I automatically smiled, like how your hair stands when lightening strikes nearby. I miss your hands. some nights, I wake up cause I swear I felt them on the small of my back again. my hand in yours was one of my favorite feelings. but I just miss you in general. you were my best friend. when you left me, I was completely alone. I was to used to turning towards you when I was alone, scared, sad, angry, happy or just wanted to talk. I was used to the "good morning babe" and "goodnight angel" texts. I was used to you calling me cute names. I lost so much when I lost you. you ruined my life. and what ***** me up the most is that you have no clue, and if you did, you wouldn't care at all. to you, I guess I was just another girl; just another doll to collect and add onto your shelf. but you were the most perfect guy in the world. do you realize I look for you in every single guy I talk to now? I can't get rid of you. everything reminds me of you and I hate it. I'm not sure if I hate you or love you or a combination of both. you confuse me. but honestly, I hope you are completely happy. even though you ruined me, you are so amazing and beautiful and you deserve the best. better than me. I guess I deserved you to leave me. whatever. I don't even know. all I know is that I love you and miss you and I want to fix whatever happened and I want to hear you tell me that you love me again. because I love you so much and that will never change.