She was a stranger to limitations
She held in her agile mind a vast wealth of information
But there was nothing she knew better, nothing that came more naturally to her
Than disguising her existence, slipping a veil over the entirety of her spirit
She pressed herself into the background like smoothing the glued edges of a cutout to the paper
It came so naturally to her,
This stepping back and allowing the darkness beyond the spotlight to absorb her.
In her heart she loved to shine, but her sparkle was naturally a subtle one,
Just a nod to the brightness that lay in her eyes. And- oh- those eyes!
By all accounts they were lovely.
But she never used them, some said.
She was not the girl to meet your eye. And naturally so, for there was something about her eyes
Something, you see, that made her… the stuff of legends. Dangerous, mysterious, ethereal.
And so her sparkle came only to those who really and truly looked
But that select few was said to be wonderfully lucky.
Because the natural beauty she possessed was something else indeed if one were to behold it
Not that too many were there to behold her
They were in the center, or at least as close to it as they could get
But she, naturally, had fastened herself to the wall
She was a natural flower,
Made to be naturally set aside and let be, she said.
So she slipped her proverbial veil over the natural beauty of her spirit
And let herself fade to near-nothingness. To everyone but her, that is.
But her natural beauty was still evident, not just to her, but to me.

My body pressed down by stacks of dictionaries and thesauruses
And people desperate to iron out my creases before they need to use me,
I lay flat against the map of the town, my cheek brushing a tree’s branches.
The paper town is pretty to perfection, all done down in diffused pastels
It’s long and tall, but it has zero broadness to its name-
A perfect match for me in those days leading up to a stint in rehab
But SHHHHH!! We’re aren’t allowed to talk about rehab.
The river that flows unassumingly through town traces a line across my thighs,
Covering up with its blue murk the lil red scratches that paint my skin
But SHHHHH!! We’re aren’t allowed to talk about those problems either.
The paper town is quiet and quaint on the face,
Which is good given there’s not much else to see here.
The infinities wasted here linger below like the taste of peanut butter
But anyone could see from a glance the lives frozen in one serene moment
What they can’t see, the part that’s hidden under the soil, the second layer of paper
Is that the moment is surely fading into a photograph
And slowly, slowly, slowly… the paper town is home only to pathetic paper people.
Picture perfect. Perfect picture.
I can feel my heart disintegrating with each passing day I can’t give it any meaning
And I can feel my blood boiling with each day the powers that be control me and I don’t know why
I can’t find any rhyme or reason that works for me, I can’t find a meaning to be me, or being this
I’m made of paper, blowing in the wind wherever it wants to take me
I’m a powerless slip of paper with a painted on smile fading in the brilliant sunlight I’m driving into.
I fade. I’m not even a fresh paper anymore.
But I feel doomed to be a paper forever. So I fade.

Let me love you, her luscious lips whispered.
Let me leave you, her bedroom eyes bellowed.
Let me own you, she insinuated to me.
Let me run you.
Let me break you.
I should have listened.
I should have loved her.

Let
Me
Love
You.
"Are you drunk?"
She hangs up.

Eyes roaming the room of riches
Like a tiny dancer bouncing on the air.
Eyes roaming round and round and round
Like the florid horse on a beach-town carousel.
Eyes roaming round the room of riches
Like someone getting ready for a takedown.

And those took me down.

I want to know you like the path to the Heavens that pulls me toward all things good and bright
I want to feel you like the kind of passion that burns and devours soul after soul in all-consuming fire
I want to touch you like these shaking fingers have never experienced anything from your world
I want to hold you like that breath that will remain with me even when it’s long gone like you
I want to have you like we can make ourselves believe there is nothing to life but you and me
I want to breathe you like my lungs are giving out but holding on all at once
I want to do you like a narcotic I’ll overdose on before anyone even knows I’m over my head
I want to love you in that indescribable way everyone calls ‘true’, a way I’ve never known love before
I want you.

You are desperate,
More broken than you ever thought it was a possible for a human to be
And you just need a hope that you’ll survive the hour
So you pop a pill
But it doesn’t have nearly the power you need
Not nearly enough of a kick to save you
So before you know it you’re taking two to get through the night, every night
And then three, four
But then a small handful
(well as small as you can get; because no one ever needs to know you forced yourself to squeeze some of those large handfuls back in the bottle)
And then six, eight
But then you don’t even want to bother counting anymore
Because it’s 4:00 in the morning and you’re grappling with a bottle
Knowing you’re two hours away from facing your mom
And four from seeing your friends
But part of you has been pulling away from them, to cover up your…  situation
But part of you is hoping they’ll follow, and see that you’re different, that you need help
And, all in all, you don’t know if you started out better than this or worse
You only know a few things:
You need as many pills as you can get but you need to make everything seem normal
You are desperate.