Ruheen

Ruheen Aug 2019

~

Let there be light.
Let there be blood.
No black or white,
Just a heavy thud,

From your crown
Hitting the ground.
Cause you couldn't
Bear the weight of it.

Let there be light.
Let there be blood.
Can I survive?
Or should I run?

From your secret.
I'd never keep it,
Cause I couldn't
Bear the weight of it.

Let there be light.
Red as the dawn.
I will rise,
Thicker than blood.

No black or white.
The crown is gone.
Colours unite,
Gray lives on.

Let there be light
Because there will be blood.

~

I read a book. Red Queen. Interesting.
Why not?

#red #queen

Ruheen Aug 2019

Expectations

I can't fake it
Even though they want me to

I can't help but be myself
I can't pretend
That pretending helps

Dress like you're perfect
Ignore if it's hurting
Smile like you understand

Expectations
So many reasons
None that make sense to me

Look the other away
Hope no one notices
Hide the tremble in your hand

Expectations
Still, have to face them
I'm stuck being their trophies

The pain gets too much
The edges get too rough
But you still have to stand

I can't see the light that leads
The end of the tunnel
Is too dark for me

I can't make it
Even though I want to

We all have them. Doesn't mean we should.

#expectations

Ruheen Aug 2019

Chess - The King

A lost king alone in his palace.
A king who made mistakes,
And lives in debt.
He drove them away.
Ruined his home,
Soon to be killed,
Old and frail.
Repays day by day,
By remaining lonely.
It's a small price to pay,
For all he's caused.
The games he's played.

He drove away his Queen, now. Didn't he?
Don't they?
Let her fight for him.

#chess #king #controlled

Ruheen Aug 2019

Just a Kid

I know I'm growing.
I know I'm evolving.
I'm changing.
And that's not really the problem.
There actually isn't one.
It's just something I don't like.
I'm a kid.
I don't understand the real world.
And all it's problems.
I mean, that's what I'm told.
But what they don't know,
What they can't see,
Is that I do understand.
I'm a kid, but that doesn't mean,
I'm small.
That doesn't mean
I can't see past the dashboard.
I can see the causes, the effects,
I see the people.
But what I don't like,
Is when I feel like they're right.
I don't like it when I feel small.
When I can't see anything.
When I don't understand.
Because I'm just a kid.

I don't know anything.

That's what they say. Sometimes I believe it. I try very hard not to.
I don't have the experience they do. I haven't gone through what they have. But they won't go through what I will. They won't know the world that I do. Because my world is not their world. I'm not them. What they understand, is not what I understand. It never will be.
The world's different, so am I.

#im #*** #kid

Ruheen Aug 2019

Panic!

A heavy feeling on my chest,
Almost like the pressure of water.
The pressure of sinking.
Then I'm drowning.
In my anxiety.
I begin breathing rapidly.
Short breaths.
Uneven.
Because I can't take it in.
I can't take in the oxygen.
It feels like it just bounces,
Back up.
I feel something.
Something like fear,
But not really.
It takes a while,
But then it hits.
I'm panicking.
Panic.
That's what I feel.

And it scares the crap out of me.

Ironic. I'm scared of panicking.
I get panic attacks. They aren't so bad, don't leave too much damage, but I was also told to not ignore them.

#panic #not #at #the #disco

Ruheen Aug 2019

Happy Endings

I don't like happy endings,
Because in real life
Not many people have them.

But I also always want
A happy ending,
Because then I get to live
Someone else's life
And their happy ending.
I get to be happy
Even if only for a while.

I don't like happy endings
As that is all we can think of.
There is more to life than
Just riding off into the sunset.

I like happy endings.
As I am reminded
That there is a world
Of characters who are happy,
Even though we are not.

But I don't like happy endings.
Because they give people hope.
But it can't just be a happy ending.
Something has to come after.

More comes after the 'ending'.
Good, bad and ugly.
And then sometime after that.
Life really does end.

You don't have to like the ending.
You could love it.
You could hate it.
But at least then,
You'd know what it's like.
You would actually get to live it.

Finally remembered what I forgot...
But I don't like the ending.

#notso #happy #endings

Ruheen Aug 2019

The Trolley Problem

I asked my friend.
"Me or five strangers?"
She would **** me.
My friend asked me.
"Her or five strangers?"
I wouldn't **** her.

I asked her why.
"The greater good."
She asked me why.
I just smiled.
And walked away.

Sad, isn't it?

What would you do?

#trolley #problem