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Alyssa Gregory Oct 2018
Why am I a mess?
Why am I suicidal?
What made him leave me fearlessly?
Let me tell you about my day, he started dating a girl who hates my guts. He treats me like **** and ******* hates me.
Pieces of me
thrown away
like trash
Never consulted
Never asked
The direct result
of another’s conviction
or more commonly seen
consequences
from blind ambition

Paranoid
The fix is in
But no invitation
for me,
former me
or forever me
and all of my imitations
beset by my
limitations

Forwardly I lean
step in between
lines upon lines
hidden;
can’t be seen
Falling ill
Now trapped
by its machine
And from my vein;
My blood I spill

A still surface
with sticky sheen
amber tones
from which
I glean
a reason
Thrilled
What it might mean
A hunger
that
can not be filled

Nothing but lies
giving me chills
A shell
with values
not instilled
Instead
it’s dread
Their words
I’m fed
"Nutrients"
to fill my head

My outer skin
Its layer
thin
Not to attacks
No single act
or prayer
could patch
and fill it in
A hole
that’s black
is my first sin

A game
in which
no way to win
and no ending
once it
begins
With opened eyes
commence to see
The dorsal fins
surrounding me

Head starts
to spin
What could have been?
It doesn't matter
in the end
because
there's nothing
here for me
A demon-like reality

Where what you seek
Placed at your feet
The icing; sweet
Choices; not three
Have cake or eat
One choice not two
But want to eat
and have it too

All efforts
to retrieve the treat;
An outcome that
ends in defeat
A princess swept
off of her feat
But this feature
princess;
a creature
Spirit of
a soulless seeker

Deceitful speaker
Flames;
he’ll eat ya
Offers pain
Can’t heal;
life drained
Then reaching out
to use
life-line
but with each ring
hope further wanes

An answered call
done just in time
The chills
running all down my spine
Stand tall
just like Douglas-fir pine
With racing thoughts
filling my mind
I will be saved
Free from it all
God must exist
No time to stall
In battle
warriors
may fall
but no man's ever left behind

Only to find
With said spent dime
A dynamite kind of answer
-
A type
that might
cause strife
Can't plan for
Needed answer
Plight
like cancer
New chance to live
Worldly romancer
On planet Earth
A tiny dancer

A romantic thought
to think
fight fought
Instead a sinking ship
just dropped
This life?
If could
an ‘OUT’
would opt
No more
can take
Just make
it stop
Written: April 17, 2018

All rights reserved.
As my thoughts wander,
after a night drunk on you,
I realize I can't remember a time where I didn't love you.

Not since that first conversation
seeing you shimmer
in the movie like snow
that stuck to us as we waited.

I was waiting,
I guess part of me always will be,
For that moment,
when I know it's safe to tell you,
You're the only person in the world,
I'd spend the rest of my life waiting for.

But my fear gets the best of me every time.

So I talk in questions
Sometimes just stay silent
Live in my head,
Swimming in the thoughts you inspire,
Wishing I had notation at the ready,
to get everything down,
but I only get pieces of it,
like you.

Just enough to keep wanting more
but never enough to satiate my need.

I wonder what it would feel like to take the dive,
headlong into you,
to throw caution to the wind
and stop caring what happens to me after.
Simply live in the now.

In the tangible current
that surges between us.
The feel of your lips on mine.
The fear that the world might catch fire,
through flaws in its structure,
or flaws in our structure,
in our inability to follow any rules.
"**** the Man. save The Empire."

I'm too tired to function,
but my brain is on auto you.

I wish I could shut it off.
Alyssa Gregory Sep 2018
He loves her... She loves him
What if her family finds out they had ***...
Her dad screams, her mom dies inside...
His aunt cries...
She and he get torn apart...
But what if he completes her?
parents will be parents but what if it's not just parents it friends too?
they will forever be apart til death do they come together...
Just some insight on what's happening inside my brain and in my life :(
Alyssa Gregory Sep 2018
I would like to just say if you are thinking suicidal thoughts I am here to listen or call 1-800-273-8255. I am here to show things that goes on inside my mind. I hope to inspire people to live and learn. No matter what don't give up your fight. Be a fighter and live on, if you think that you want to die please reach out to someone or talk to an adult or SOMEONE who will help, I would love to hear feedback if anyone wants to talk :) As for myself I hide things and silently die inside but I am here to live for others and to find happiness. I may have already who knows but I want to show you that at least someone cares. Don't give up on school, work, love, friends, etc. because you never know what will help you. For me, I love to write so I don't implode.
Alyssa Gregory Sep 2018
Her boyfriend makes her smile...
Her boyfriend makes her laugh...
Her boyfriend makes her sad...
He loves her...
She loves him...
But lies and trust breaks...
What happens???
They fall in love with each other knowing nothing can break them apart
it's adorable their friends say...
Alyssa Gregory Sep 2018
Drip... Drop... Drip... Drop...
A sound that every teenager seems to hear
As the sound rings in their ears, they seem to break down more and more
The sound of their blood dropping on the counter or floor
The pain feels good for a moment then slowly and slowly becoming worse
Drip... Drop... Drip... Drop...
idk ;)
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