When you're name lights up my phone
I answer as quick as I can,
Even though you want nothing to do with me.

Clearly
You chose him after all.
I find myself wanting to scream at you.
Shout at you, hurt you.
I want to say

I HATE YOU!!

But everytime it's just,

I love you.

But not anymore,
Now I fight to stop myself screaming.

WHAT THE **** WAS I TO YOU?

Do you wanna know something?
You don't get to be a ******* memory

My head is a mess but I can't write.
I'm wide awake in the middle of night,
Just trying to sort things out, work things through.
But I keep coming back to you.
I write if I can gather the will,
I wonder, do you read them still?

Just send me a message I'm not far away, I know we argued the other day.
I'm not sorry for the things I've said,
It should've been kept inside of my head.
But they were true,
And just a few.
I could've said more but,
I hate our wars.

We're not friends,
That was the end.
I guess,
We gave it our best,
Did better than rest.
We took our time,
Should've been fine.

My head is a mess but I've managed to write.
I'm still wide awake in the middle of night,
Just trying to sort things out, work things through.
But I keep coming back to you.

I write if I can gather the will,
I wonder darling, do you read them still?

Sometimes at night

asleep by the firelight

I dream about them

how they died

some are singing

and others saying what

they no longer see

walking fencelines

limping as if in pain

some of them handsome

and some mysterious

silent but not

for long they tell you

men scarcely know

how beautiful fire is

and old stories

they can't remember

unless you can

still look them in the eye.

Sometimes I'm good
But now I'm even better
I can't control my feelings
When I break out into sweaters

And colors stand out so much
And then also I wear some collars
People think I have it made
But I feel jealous of ballers

And people who live with others
And people who live with brothers
And sisters and then their covers
Hide all of their different lovers

But hiding is not one way
They take them and then here's what hurts
There's one thing and then another
And I might just be a pervert

But I can't avert my thoughts
I would love to be in a circle
Spinning a bottle hotly
And making my face turn purple

It turns red! And white
But I want more social pressure
Not the keep-me-up-at-night one
But the one that seems much better

But it can't be fabricated
And it can't quite be sought out
And it won't happen to me
Because I have too many doubts

And shrouded beneath my mouth
Is a superego completely
Controlling my every move
So how could someone ever read me

And be comfortable or open
When my mind is like the ocean?
I go with the flow but know this
I can take you on a gross trip

And by that I mean a lame one
Where your boat is somewhat closed in
And you're trapped with me and feel some
Unappetizing emotions

That's the mood that people's faces
Take on when my mouth is open
And then I go out and chase them
But my heart just feels quite broken

And I used to think it was them
which is odd since I often blame me
But then my new realization
Made me wake up to the new key

See part of me loves all people
And part of me holds myself back
So if I could just now solve that
Could I live how I want real bad?

Some days,
I feel like I’m the only one left here,
a sound of anxiety is too clear,
whispering in my ear,
floating softly in rays,
helplessly dreary days,
perfectly lost in trance,
ferocious beasts collide to dance,
escape no chance
obsolescence,
broken pieces of me reminiscence.


Some days,
sadness is magically beckoning,
voluntarily pursuing,
constantly succeeding,
dust particles sparkling
like tiny specs of glitter
galaxies of terrors shiver,
storms ignite with chaos
insecurities wondrous
creating puzzle
in a muzzle.

Some days,
oh most of the days
are falling apart
and I can’t help it,
the habit
of endlessly dwelling
the warmth
of whiffing my soul.

-**d.t