every now and then
i see glimpses of them
and i can feel my soul
reaching out to

tiny fingers filtering sand
on long-distant shores

my mother's voice
in a tongue i do not speak

the heat on my face
as the sun finally rises

the pain of defeat
washed away by the tide

i long to know them once more
but perhaps one day
ill learn to be at peace
with lives i once lived

ive called your name for years
but the silence is still all that calls back
those three words i long to hear
are little more than shadows in the past
i wish i could shred them and tear them apart
but they still hang around ******* with my heart

my heart pulses to the beat
of the low fire burning in my chest

it's taken months to stoke this flame
and yet still it is little more than heated stones

through rain and wind i fought
               my arms and soul are weary
but the fight won't be taken from me yet

pour the gold of your heart over mine,
shining rivulets filling up the cracks
left by other burdens
of another time

a trade:
id offer you warmth
and the iron in my blood
to keep you strong through it all

with the universe sprawling above
starlight dances, shimmering, across your body
anointing your skin with the smell of moonlight

to reach out, to touch would be unthinkable -
but your light rings holy and pure
and i find myself on my knees in prayer

your feathers are lovely
blue and white and black
stark against the hues
of the desert sunset

your song is as pure
as the summer is warm
although the words you sing
are echoes of another day

i want to fly with you
my sweet little bird
take to my own wings
and make your song a duet

id live for you
my tears mean nothing
when met with your light

even now
when nothing seems okay
you are still my everything

Once upon a frozen land,
pity weigt upon your soul.
You saw it fit to take me, then,
and offer me a home.

Seems I was never in the right,
though He was never wrong --
what fool was I to never question
where I, true, belonged.

Years drifted past us quietly,
dripped from both our hands,
but you had always known the truth
despite your careful dance.

Now that I've seen your clever ruse,
and I, your son no more..
Ragnarok, one day, shall come --
your crimes, you'll answer for.

is this how it's supposed to be?
am i supposed to be this mad?
i tell you over and over
you DONT

i get it i really do but love
we dont have a CHOICE

we'll settle down
in a small house
in a friendly neighborhood
on the outskirts of the city
and things will be good
as we watch the ocean
from our hilltop

i came to you
bright eyed and hopeful
looking to a future that you could never see

//

i leave you now
with my heart more steady
to find the future in myself instead of other people

the universe
vast and unyielding
has place for a few souls
to wander back to each other
and to bask in each others warmth
even if only for a moment
because that moment
makes other lives
worth living

the strings that tie our fate are not red
they shift from dark to light
and never stop seeking.. searching

but your heart is red
redder than the deep hues of a sunset
and it drip. drip. drips

the color of our fate is red
but not randomly

our fate is painted
and we can pretend

it was with love too
                        sudden
                             too
                               new
                           too
                    shiny
that a heart
sudden heavy
felt as a curse:
something
to fear & mourn

but
acceptance
rang
through the ranks
as a war cry:

bright
and queer
and pure
and he —

who knew
      my pieces
and just
      how they
all
fit
together

— spoke:
       “ a heart is indeed a heavy burden -
          but we can surely offer you a hand. “

i scream in all caps

my words are lost
in a sea of rage

is this the country
that men have died for
a country divided
a country broken

are we to pass this on
is this our legacy
are we falling apart
is this our downfall

life has suddenly become too short
to worry about things like money
this time is broken and fractured
and it will not heal itself

we are fire and smoke
and lightning and thunder
we have become the beginning
of a bitter end

lately living has been weighing on me
even as it lifts me up high

weights wrapped around my ankles
but my head in the clouds

maybe the world's just doing its best
to tear me clean in half

take
me
home

before all my bones split apart and slip through the cracks
do this one thing
for me

watch the wonder drain from my eyes as this world
this beautiful, horrible world
burns EVERYTHING ive worked for to the ground

take me HOME

give me back the days where I could sit and not have to worry
about whether or not I have the right to even exist in this melting *** of
faces and bodies
constantly shifting
while I remain static
because I am what I am and nobody can take that from me but YOU

TAKE ME HOME

let me sing myself to sleep while you frolic about in your castle built of marble and ignorance
where every note falls on deaf ears and every cry is silenced by a bullet
you can HAVE all your power
make every person COWER in your wake
but despite all that
none of us are yours

bite chucks out of my chest
burn through me like im nothing
we all melt someday

i want
to hold your hand
to kiss your face
to tell you you're beautiful

i want
to take you to an art museum
to use cheesy pickup lines
to laugh with you

i want
to get coffee with you
to feel the chill of autumn
to offer you my scarf

i want
to take you out to the desert
to trace the stars in the sky
to trace the stars on your skin

boom boom boom

i hear it echoing
in the back of my skull

boom boom boom

it hurts too much
for the world to break through

boom boom boom

im fading away
i want to leave this

boom boom boom

there is nothing
but the pounding in my head

your days are for the past
for childhood memories
of adventures by moonlight
the way your eyes sparkled
under our streetlight

those days are for longing
for wishing that you had stayed
that maybe things would be-
but that's just wishful thinking
those days aren't today

i used to think about sunrises being ours
but now i cant help but call the day mine
im angry im happy but maybe it's just
another phase

happiness is
a living being
a fragile thing
i hold so gently

some days it gets sick
some days it breaks
some days it gets lost

if i don't
have
the
tools
to put it back together

i will find them
in the little things

anxiety feels like
a wild animal
trapped in my chest
fighting for dear life

a rabbit, cornered
just under my heart

this body is haunted
with the memory
of the universe
bursting at the seams
with things too big
to comprehend

one day i will be
back in the stars
and maybe then
i will understand
why

were made to be
gnashing teeth
scathing words.

it isn't love, not really.
but this routine
is our own
and somehow
we will survive it.

flitting through my mind on dragonfly wings
small enough to keep in my pocket
big enough to take up every inch of my mind

let me hold your hand
just for a moment

i want to know if you feel
as safe in my arms as i do in yours

you are flawless
a diamond in a world of coal
more precious than any rock could be

you are strong
steeled in the face of the flood
more durable than any dam could be

you are beautiful
a meadow of flowers in spring
more lovely than any bouquet could be

you are cherished
far beyond some worldly possession
more important than anything imaginable

you are loved
with all
of my being

through daunting nights
and carefree days,
through raging storms
and encroaching haze;

through miles of land
and hours of time,
through the early sun
through the darkened sky;

wherever i may be,
wherever you go,
as long as you love me,
i'll be home.