Bring me back my love
Whom god hath torn asunder
Bring me back my love
I can stand the solitude no longer

Darling come to me
Darling please
Don’t leave me alone

Wherever you may be
Is where my spirit longs to be
Talk to me, darling
I’m still me
I may not be with you
On Earth anymore
I know we said goodbye in one way
That night on that floor
But darling I love you
Always and true
Nothing could take me away from you
Daily and nightly I shall persevere
Until the right day that you find me here
And then we shall continue
The work we began
For the seventh generation
To make its stand
All is well here on Earth
For just one more day
Let us fly off together briefly
Like the pair of
Monarchs we are

“It is our duty to fight for our freedom. It is our duty to win. We must love one another and support one another. We have nothing to lose but our chains.”
-Assata Shakur

Between that first moment
Of giddying dizzying
Infatuation and
Anticipation
And this one of
Debilitating disappointing
Despair and
Isolation
When did you flip
The switch?

Was my hand on it, too?

I don’t want to
Stay here in the dark
So I turn on
My own Light

C’mon now
We both know
This doesn’t make
Anything
Alright

You never lost me
As you like to say
You gave me up.
You drove away.
Now, you want to touch me
Even from afar
See me shining like a star -
Well , touch yourself
Come and come again
But I'm not yours
And you will not
Ride me
Or come inside me
Or chide me
For I am more powerful
Than you think
More beautiful!
And I don't shrink
From True Responsibility
On that, you could learn
From me -still.
If you take on this
Burden (first, admit it
Is one), you will see
The dissipation of anger
In my starry sea
Of sparkling emotion -
Passion -
Love -
All within me.
There is love for you there, and
With or without your devotion.
I have ocean and I have sea --

You can always come to see this and be happy.

But only the most
Horrible death
Would gIve you
Your dream, and
I fear there would
Not be much left of
'Us', you'd just be
Part of
My team.
What does that mean?

The fourty-four diamonds
In my ring
Should explain
Just about
Everything.

She empties carts one by one
Daylight comes when her
Horse stands so peaceful, quiet

Spin me like a top
I'm already dizzy so why not
Whichever way
I end up facing
I'll be looking at you
There's not a single vsta
On the horizon
Without you in it
But no matter
I can't see five feet
In front of me
Past the Qualifiers
You impose
In order for you
To love me

Perhaps more sedatives?
(O pedestal in that candy creme cloud
Sweet silence of soothing sound
Smooth surface silky shroud)

Or - I have an idea -
Self-"discipline"!
(My mate, my enemy, my tormentor
My mentor, my mantra, my memory)

Both, no doubt.
A fine line between tamimg
Amy's weeping and wailing
And enabling her host's power of three!
Her understanding, aligning and conquering!
A feat we have actually seen.
And despite the blinding whir
(A side effect of the action)
This imagery is not merely
In her (or your) dream.

She as this Trinity, it would appear,
Is not so few and far between
As you tell yourself - and me -
Just to be mean.
Then again you're right:
We both supported that
Unsubstantiated "theory"
For a long time
And for bad reasons
Let's be perfectly clear.

Because obviously she is not infallible!  
And when she slips, and Amy
Gets wind (Woe! I can't pull
Myself together - O no! Not again!)
Darkness descends on our lives,
O yes,  yes it does. As farce. Again.

Out come sharp knives.

You and they think she punishes you.
With her Woe, but no.
The simple truth is she does not.
How can she blame you
For her biological weak spots,
Related though they be
To your life here - Please -

Look! Just look next time,
And listen. Believe. 
She punishes herself -
It's a nervous hysterical spell
An energy temped out from hell
The rage is diluted
(She thought you could tell)
In wild senseless pleas
Meaning nothing!
Nothing I tell you.
Nothing in and for
Eternity.

Come you masters of war
You that build all the guns
You that build the death planes
You that build all the bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks.

You that never done nothin'
But build to destroy
You play with my world
Like it's your little toy
You put a gun in my hand
And you hide from my eyes
And you turn and run farther
When the fast bullets fly.

Like Judas of old
You lie and deceive
A world war can be won
You want me to believe
But I see through your eyes
And I see through your brain
Like I see through the water
That runs down my drain.

You fasten all the triggers
For the others to fire
Then you set back and watch
When the death count gets higher
You hide in your mansion
As young people's blood
Flows out of their bodies
And is buried in the mud.

You've thrown the worst fear
That can ever be hurled
Fear to bring children
Into the world
For threatening my baby
Unborn and unnamed
You ain't worth the blood
That runs in your veins.

How much do I know
To talk out of turn
You might say that I'm young
You might say I'm unlearned
But there's one thing I know
Though I'm younger than you
That even Jesus would never
Forgive what you do.

Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could
I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul.

And I hope that you die
And your death'll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand over your grave
'Til I'm sure that you're dead.

Masters of War (Bob Dylan) - 1963

Shame on me!
Between the moon and the sea,
All I want to be
Is calm, luxurious, and free.
Desire, rage and ****** empathy
Threaten the soul's accountability -
It's not strong enough to face
Their torrid embrace,
So banality reigns
With heartbroken disdain -
Please don't allow me
To get excited again.
There is no longer any reason
To imagine anything but pain -
So go now, Go!
We revolt, then comes Death, again.

Mid-life Mom
Singing a plaintive song
There is no pedestal for me
I have too much responsibility.
Pitter-patter of rain on glass
In the sinkback calm I let thoughts pass -
Inevitable swoon then rises from my base -
Heat -wet - pulse! - race...
Weave in and out
Fall up, and down -
Crawl all around
This heart space
While my heart races.

Sexpot sweetness
Breathing a seductive sigh
There is no sated state for me
I have too much excitability
Watching the light change in the sky
I cannot help but pleasure myself
As there is no one standing by -
You're sleeping and far away am I.
Heat - Wet! - Pulse - Race...
I remember how you fed on it, nourishing your strength, and
Winning your glorious race.
*Look me up and down
Pin me to your ground.
Soothe me with immobility
No decisions necessary -
As I watch how much you'll take from me,
Delighting in how it makes you so happy.

Catch you on the
Blindside where your best
Tricks await me to take the wind
Right out of my sails and
Bait me to anger

You must not consider or
Really even think about or care
About my feelings but
You say you do and
Insist it is so
And so this
Makes
Sense in
Your world

That place where I’m searching
For your attention and reeling from
Condescension and the
Rejection created by
You and your priorities
Or is it the delivery
of your goodbyes
I don’t know
Anymore

I swear to God
(Please help me)
I was about to write a
Happy poem about
Signs and Wonders
Summer’s Cauldron and
Other delights — even
This morning with the waning gibbous Moon, as She likes to keep company
With the rising Sun — these few days a month their romance blooms

Like ours — there are moments
Even a ******* foundation, baby
You said so yourself and I
Don’t understand, never
Did get your way of
Negotiating
Connections
And I’m
Heartbroken
Today like a teen-
Aged girl who doesn’t yet
Know that this is the constant
State of Love, no fleeting passage of
Pain and whimsy tantrums like the
Ones well-fed toddlers have —
Those meltdowns the
******* likes of
Which you’ve
Never
Even
*******
Seen

Don’t worry, though, apart from
A few brutal texts to you to threaten
You with my venom and lies
You won’t hear from
Me I can’t dwell
Here in this
Bubble of
Nonsense
And Hurt
I’ll go to
No place
And be
Nobody
Again
Yes, ******* again
For the
Livelong Day

Recurring reversal
Mixed up signals
Anger through the roof

Divergent beliefs
We get no relief
From the battle of me vs you

All alone
Vacant phone
Not a ******* thing to do

You don’t hear me
You don’t believe me
What am I to you?

You stay away
Sabotaging the day
I’m beyond viscerally blue

A long time ago
We thought this would grow
Now we’re just destitute

You’re cruel and biting
Blaming, blaming
Reality blind or elusive

My vision was clear
You are the most dear
Our love most certainly true

Hence this pain so severe
Please help me to breathe —
To become something new

Waiting, worrying
Planning and unplanning
Mountains of things to do

Unable to focus
Unable to care
About anything that isn’t you

What can I cling to?
Please give me the energy
To help this love continue

Days turn to years
I love beyond my fears
The well of pain is deepest for you

I just don't understand
And I won't pretend it doesn't matter
The one thing I thought
We were both living for
Is now just an afterthought
On the floor
Of your cluttered room
I resisted tears for three weeks
I told myself it wasn't as bleak
As it obviously is
Last year I tried to find solace elsewhere
This year no longer cares
There is no elsewhere lurking
In other hearts
Just my own despair that has become
My art

While the children
Play peacefully
Their happy laughs
Ringing in muted tones
Behind thick, safe walls

While white noise
Flows neutrally
Its blandness
Comforting my tremored mind
Dispelling my treacherous fury
I lay naked as the day

Wet in some places
Hardened in others
Waiting so impatiently
Tremored of limb, too
Open as the sea

While the sparseness
Of our house
Is waiting valiantly
Its smooth surfaces and
Soft contours beckoning
My soul to rest on
Its laurels

Your tongue,  hands and eyes
Run deliberately
Down my different pathways
Paving the route
To an exquisite explosion -
The falling debris from which
Bestow such a simple
Salvation

On est là, mais on ne dit rien
On se regarde, on croit savoir un peu plus que les autres
C’est évident - trop, même
C’est flagrant! J’aime mieux ce mot
Quelle pétasse de toute façon
Elle ne m’a jamais aimé
Tu dis cela mais je sais
Ton cœur est brisé
Tu me perces avec tes yeux
J’ai perdu l’usage de mes mains
Le mien aussi, dis-je
Mais je m’en fais assez bien quand même
Tes sourcils te trahissent - j’ai été coquette
Quoi? Je sais, arête de m’embêter
On commence à rigoler
Embrasse-moi et on en parlera plus ****
Ça continue longtemps, longtemps, longtemps
Mais dès qu’on se demande – alors on en fait quoi ?
Allo?
*T’es encore là?

***** can go **** himself
On a *****, dusty floor
I used to think I wanted him
But I'm not that woman
Any more

Out here with the fireflies
And the waning light
I shiver in the cold
Chicago summer night
You want to sit
I need to walk —
I’m anxious, I say
I know, it’s alright,
You say reassuringly
Just go ahead
Go on and hike
I’ll be inside waiting
We’re alone tonight

I love the nighttime
Or at least its onset
All red and purple
Another one - we made it
We are still intact
And I don’t just mean us
I mean the actions
The values
Our purpose

There are so many things
I dread talking about
With you - how did
Such a state of affairs
Ever even start?
At one point talking
Was all that we had
Forgive me if it always
Makes me so sad
Yet I also believe
Despite what some think
I’m growing, and magic
I sparkle, and glisten!

You can’t even contain me
My depth is in fathoms
I dance nightly with Trickster
I rearrange my atoms
I release you, darling from that
Bogus obligation
To complete me —
I cherish my essence
And lack nothing
My way of being
Is unique and powerful
This prevails even when I’m
Mournful and sorrowful

Take heart! It is I!
The Captain at large
I stand ever at the helm
Maneuvering the barge
Don’t worry, fear not
I am studied and quick
I’ll overtake any entity
That ***** with my ****

Right next to the
Sane and rhyming description
Of the things I keep resisting
Is the wailing banshee of doom
Seething stealthily into this room

You don’t want a sad face!
Ah, but nor do I —
Still I sleep and rise alone
Still I have tears to cry
You are just the way you are
There’s naught that I can do
Floating here in the morning light
Feeling it through and through

And then I think of money
And I really start to sob
I just seem to get nowhere
Although I’m glad to have a job
I do good work, cash comes in
I turn around and it all goes out again

Everyone knows the drill
The Man has pockets to fill
Baby needs new shoes
Mama has the all-time blues

When is the moment of my
Great Escape?
Who will pull me from this
Hopeless Outrage?
Obviously, now, and
Obviously, me
The clouds glow softly
As light kisses the city

Longing! How dreary to the soul!
Perpetually wishing for more
Of your essence mixed with mine
Long intervals filled with pining
The minutes meander through my worries
Words spill out in a flurry
Nothing can contain them
Certainly not the fraying
Basket of my wisdom

Go to the source
Says the voice
Back in March
She tapped me right on the shoulder
And I heard her say in my mind
Heal your inner child!
This child so confused
By not-quite abuse
She still lives in me
She wants to be free

I wish so truly to be free
But my beautiful mind
Acts as enemy.
O present moment, just to be!
But now is drowning
In difficulty.
Find the uses of adversity
Wisdom of old says to me -
But like a haystack
Ignoring the needle,
Utility I cannot see -
So even as my smart ***
Keeps quoting Nietzsche...

(More strength may be
The last *******
thing I need)

*I must remain as quiet as can be,
Drifting, drifting - out to sea -
Out here, perhaps the Furies
Will calm their assault -
Finally.

Speak to me not of lovers
Who hold each other close
Time is running short now
Speak to me of woes
Tell me your misfortunes
I’ve had enough of hearts
I’ve had enough of soft looks
And whispers in the dark
I’ve had enough of lying
I’m sick to death of tears
No more sense in trying
To unravel all these years
Speak to me of justice
Should such a thing exist
Speak to me of understanding
Miraculous — a myth
Out here on the launch pad
I’m destitute and lost
Speak to me of endings
Speak to me of cost
One thing is for certain
The wind pierces my sorrow
The water moves me
Forcefully towards
Visions of tomorrow
Whether you are there
Or not
Whether I’m alone
Matters not
It matters not
Up here on my throne
Speak to me of caution
Speak to me of blows
Speak to me not of lovers
Arms linked and moving slow
Speak to me of wisdom
And the courage to break
And grow

How did it come to this
Who are you now to me?
I’m alright in this moment
Accepting to be lonely

Confused about the signs
The only move is to retreat
Again! But it’s deadly
For our love, this heat

Talking about anything —
Anything! A tug of war!
I retreat but you won’t come looking...
Here, near is so far

You don’t want to
Talk to me
Sit with me
Be with me
Grow with me
You won’t even be
Lonely with me
Or so, it seems

Logic says you’re wrong
You hurt me for too long
Love says you’re hurt
Persevere, find the worth
—
Later, the next day
Finding the words to say
You hearing me this time
Forget the past, just be mine

I am, he said, and
Though the tone fills me with dread —
I yank weeds of weakness from my head
I see beyond my familiar dead end

I ignore the hint of disapproval
I fill my voice with love
Sabotaging the sabotage
I make my voice small

Give me something to
Look forward to tonight
I said - and with a smile from you
Felt everything become alright

The thing is you do —
Very much and so do I —
Love is a given
With our children and
Despite it all
Every season

My prayer for you —
My greatest challenge —
My brightest love —
Is for you to always find
Safe Harbor somewhere in
My orbit, you said you hoped not to outlive me, darling that’s exactly—
Exactly!
How you love me and hurt me at the same time

You’ve told me how I do that to you, too.

Let’s not worry
About calling anything even
Lifting each other up
Is how we get to heaven

—

That evening, something I said
Reversed it all in your head —
Again
The tearing up inside has started —
Again
The loneliness you want me to hide —  
Again
Holding my weakness and humanity against me —
Again
Lashing out and then holding back your love!
Again

Help me
Show me a sign
I’m losing faith
Again

What keeps you here?
Shall I let you go?
How do I love beyond my fear
When I’m so very alone?

We are stardust in a unified field
There is no you and me
Even so, I love you

I practice loving myself daily
Though they make it hard
Love, and life itself having been commodified

Transformation is my self-love
Rebirth - it’s Spring!
My least favorite season
Songs of wishes raging

From Love comes constriction and
Pain that leaves no path backwards
Thrusting into the open
New again in the calm radiant silence

I strip the sheets from
My lonely bed
I tremble with anguish
At what remains unsaid
I panic again
The aloneness wins
I can’t seem to bear
Its various sins

Nothing is wrong, yet
Everything’s awry
Beauty surrounds
A Mystery Sky
Please help me, I pray
Help me to be
Alright and steady
Wondrous me

If I’m beautiful
In the forest
And nobody sees me
What happens then,
To my lustrous beauty?
It’s so immaterial
An unneeded question
Beauty is a trick
It’s not the bastion

I’ve been seeking
Nor is Love
Nor is your touch
There’s just only me
Always “too much”
It makes no sense
I swim in these waters
Dead cold fingertips
Lamb to the slaughter
Sickening sinking
Shaking and sweating
You’re no good for me
You are everything

Am I ok in this moment?
Yes, I am whole
Terrible minutes and hours
The dark, dark hole
I sink into when he’s gone
Is useful in a way
It helps me to rise
Again, above the fray
There, I contemplate
The relentless gutting pain
Of this loneliness creation
This hollow empty frame

My angel, my guide
My source, my pride
My energy, my love
Come fill me up, don’t hide
Your energy from me,
I need it so desperately
To set my heart free
To set my heart free

Like the color of water
or the shape of a coastline
moods of the mind
are so ever-shifting as
to remain undefined
except for transient
triangulated amalgams
of perceptions that
are shared yet not
shared between eyes
of observers and the
other infinite
senses of beings
we may never meet.
Sometimes I can
catch a truth or two
despite the
slippery nature of
things...but then
time still passes and
such truths just won't
apply to you.
Somewhere a choice
is made, and it
just happens anyway.

Breathe
Create a Magic Forest and
Walk through it, treading lightly and
Beset upon by fireflies —
In the dark, the blessed dark
I still miss my illusions, but
Thankfully I’ve identified
Yet another of the lies that
I’ve been telling myself
About us

Notice
The splendor of the whiteness that
Exists in the dark blue of night
In the clouds
The way they carry long-gone light
Somehow, these illusions teach us
To be grateful for existence
This can sometimes offer the necessary consolation

Learn
See those lies — you know the ones
It feels like righteous indignation —
You can’t help but recognize it, it’s
A very high horse
Very high indeed
I have long felt so lost about all this, so
Unwilling to take responsibility
For the chaos I created
In the past

Give
A tiny bit or a lot, give what I need
I keep forgetting that, too
Forgetting to be humble — and lest
Anyone worry
Regarding the object of my humility
I haven’t capitulated in the least
I am humble before Creation
Not a man

Shine
In your eyes because I know them,
And you, I know you, it’s just
That I’m afraid of you, yes
That I’m afraid of you is hard to admit
Because sticks and stones, right?
You only ever use words
You love babies, and our baby, and me
You insist the sun shines out of my ***, even, but I don’t have faith
So I barely try
Because I’m afraid!
Of one cutting word
Just one
I don’t need faith in you, darling and
Love of my life
******* soul mate I would never, ever get over, no ******* way, no matter how much I hate you sometimes and I even tell you that but it doesn’t matter it’s still hard
To shine means I have faith in me
Loving you beyond my fear
Requires that I glow

Pray
*I seek strength not to be greater than my Beloved, but to fight my greatest enemy, myself

The debris of a life
stacked up like so many
discarded curbside gems
I close the garage door
Take me, I'm yours
As I let go,
Gratefully

Us and Them
Synchronic and Diachronic
Private and Public
Primitive and Civilized
Love and Hate
Black and White
Cruel and Kind
In your Eyes
Left behind

There is no Noble Savage
There is no Civilized Man
There is only this burning energy
And Desire
And Love
And Dreams

Has anyone
Listened to
Buffalo Springfield
Singing
For what it's worth
Lately?

What was it Marx
Said about history
Repeating itself -
The second time as farce?

What about the third
Time?
And all the times
After?

It's not a farce
When you're dead

So cold, light but
Nothing warm
No cloud but always
Still the storm
No recourse and
Unfortunately
Still alarmed
Wrapped up
In a blanket
Today — unharmed
As of yet, but still
Gravely warned
Even so
Lavender light
Bathes bare arms

Take me away
Calgon or other
No more things
Such a bother
And a waste!
An abominable waste
Why did we ever?
Such a disgrace

Swirling in fear
Chaos is near
Fascists are looming
The West is burning
Rid me of possessions
Learn me a lesson
Practice handling
A trusted weapon

Not now, though!
All is still well
Intact, rat race
Overdue bill
Now see me here
Trembling and free
Have an adventure
With beautiful me
Take me to
That other place
Hold me tight
Fill me up
With your grace
Until it spills
Down my thigh
Lift me high
Hear me sigh
Until the world
Crashes and burns
We can stay here
Just taking turns

So, at least two
intelligent, healthy and sane
adult men - peers -
have told me
I have a fantastic ***
and not to be a brat
but I'm sure others have thought it...
It turns me on to think of
how men see my ***
and imagine ******* me
as I walk down the street -
you! shut the **** up
keep it to yourself but
it turns me on -
saying this is so *******
radical
and could even
get me killed

All so close
Then slipped away
Rip tide please
Carry my weight
No more helping
Not that way
Oh, true love
Circling real pain
It’s alright
It’s okay
You’ve got to save
Your own day

Who you are
To me is vague
I’ve got scars
Emotions like waves
They recede and return
They shape the world
In layers that fade
While the sun burns

Sometimes...

Your lover rejects you
Dishes break
Despair crushes you
Vistas are bleak

The rent check bounces
The cupboard is bare
All that you try
Spectacularly fails

You ask yourself
What the ****’s the point
There’s no connection
It’s all disjointed

Intentions wither weakly
The will falls flat
Nothing is working
And that is simply that

Nobody is coming
The heart swells with grief
It seems **** near impossible
To get any relief

Promises were broken
Grave mistakes were made
Nothing is forgiven
Nothing is repaired

When this time arrives
There is naught to do
Surrender to the flow
Trust the emerging new

Pain is your greatest teacher
Love is your strongest arm
Have Faith in your own heart, darling
Believe in the Sacred all around

Nobody loves me
Everybody hates me
Going to the garden to eat worms

Long thin slimy ones
Short fat grubby ones
Going to the garden to eat worms

girls walking around
free as birds
if not
for the unending
pulse of
Misery, the
sickening buzz
of Reality -
I've worked hard -
and I've Earned
but I hear and fear
it every day
for it looms, my darling,
oh! How it looms

It has been complicated
Loving you
But I can never give you up

You give me everything - absolutely
Then ****** it back and throw it at me
I've been pelted so many times
With my myriad crimes
I can't stand it, I want to flee
Because you see everything
That could be better
About me

I have to forgive you
Your judgments
And your city walls
When you let down the drawbridge
You let me in and absolve me, umoor me,
      devour me, ground me, grind me, soothe
           me and -- [utterly alone!]

You always come back,  though, always...

You feel like home
You made me whole
You gouged a hole
In my soul
Blood and sweat poured out
I screamed
You held me down tight
Your tongue in my mouth
As my body clenches and takes flight
Even with you crushing me
Filling me
Holding me perfectly still
*I take flight

What is death but
nothingness; when my
eyes are open
and my body soldiers on,
such beauty is all
I crave. Colors of the sky,
clean swept floors
and clear corners. I covet
not things just beauty
as a salve against
bleakness and
cruel disorder.

Be not
afraid of work, be
not afraid to start
thinking intricately
again.

I still need him (when the
dancing, lazy protest
ambles through the
lost downtown alley in
my soul where
fun is said
to reside) here, I need
him, always.

Fear shows me nothing
but symbiosis in
crisis a morbid
fixation of instinct
whose wolf-crying has
erased all
reality.

But there is nothing else to believe.

That seems to be the trouble
here with me;
there is no beauty left
in me for you to see.

The sky is orange again
At two ******* a.m.
I wish we could be friends -
There seems to be no end
To the useless emotions,
Possessions and
Obsessions
That mean nothing here
Or when we're dead -
Because one day,
We will be dead.
That **** is not just in my head.

Nothing I've written
Will you admit you've read -
Stop writing me letters
You said,
It goes nowhere.
How about, instead,
You shut the **** up,
And go back to bed.

It's so strange how years after
You've finished
Breastfeeding a child
You can suddenly
Have a phantom milk
Let-down to
Remind you that
It's all over.

I wish you would remember
What made you say
There was no way
You would ever be able to stay
On the couch with me
And not set my nakedness
Free.

It happened once,  recently.
Briefly.
But then I ruined it.

****...the word
will define me
even if you don't
know what it means.
I used to want so many
things from you, your
hands, and your desire.

Rough and tumble,
dominating my humble
trembling flesh; but I
was chasing thrills
you wouldn't catch for me;
I thought I heard
them calling,
then they disappeared in
an empty dawn.

What is needed is so
simple - in love to
be a **** is to open every
door, as walls crumble
noisily down I just open
wider - your energy
never frightened me.
In the least.

A **** knows where the
life force curls, feels it
unfurl and is not afraid.
She doesn't need
games or roles or
inventive play.

Touch me - there is nothing
left to say. You know
how to hold every
part of me as you shudder forth
that prayer.

You said it was a good conversation
I was fighting tears the whole time
We go way back with this
Back & forth you call talking,
To me it’s a battle and
You win, every time

I don’t know who
You think I am
But the me you think you know
Is a YouTube pundit’s scam

I wish you knew the real me
Analytical and accomplished
But also wild and free
It’s lonely in this bubble called “we”
Coming apart at the seams
Feeling understood and respected
Only in my dreams

**** the utter confusedness
of this ten-twenty season,
everything happens for a reason
my *** -
**** happens, rather, and we
find the reasons - whether
our stories have that
sass is ultimately up to us
and our inborn criticisms.

Words are pouring out of this orifice
artifice, I dare you -
so please don't encourage
me now, it is only
for the good of the children
that I shut my mouth
around you,
until then I beg
to the spaces of Hope for
utter mercy -

because I do love you.

There are innumerable
details to string together about
order in/and disturbance
can be abhorrent
with each egregious
sentiment and
decibel mounting.

It doesn't make sense - no
of course not! Orca!
Random and unique
pains to the heart
that plague us like sea-whales
that are neither
fish nor sharks in my dreams,

not that you care.

The muses prowl
me in twos. Fascinate in threes and
disgrace themselves in fours. Like
families, when they
don't succeed.
When they fail to carry
forward what they
breed in some kind
of light for the
(unanimously) distraught soul.

Don't you agree? Raise
your hand and stop
complaining out
there in the stands
you - there - the rabble -
yes, you.

There is no getting it on
in the panopticon.

Are we making ourselves clear?
Have you noticed that
psychosis has taken
BOTH your dear poet
and your fear?
You won't read her lines,
so I doubt you will
care - despite your
undying love
for her.

No! That was not
facetious, not to you,
never on purpose, never
to hurt - there
are dos and don'ts -
when will
we ever learn?

But we have digressed
too many times to worry
now about the what
of what we're trying
to say I and do
believe

that words on the
page prove the
spirit's existence and
whatever "they" call
it matters not an
amoeba's ***.
See this thought?
All the intricacies
in all the universes
could not compensate
the most devastating loss of...

high-riding down
in the easy chair

See that? It's been said before -
and the confusing conclusion,
even though
I agree,
and don't care.

I'm lounging on laurels
for just this purpose,
and so I wallow,
not unpleasantly
considering how I miss
everything about us.

Without your love,
I am nothing
*Please try to remember
Why we are here

In light of this battle
We might wonder
What separates
The enlightened man
From the savage

Is civilization (one hundred years)
An end in itself (is that all it takes)
Or just an advanced state (to romanticize)
Of barbarity (a genocide)

Manifest Destiny

Just two or three words
I’ve not much to say
I’m giving myself up today
I’m putting my life
Between your hands
Do what you want with me

Long ago (one hundred years)
I galloped with the wind (is that all it takes)
Now I’m giving up (to romanticize)
That’s all (a genocide)

Manifest Destiny
From sea to shining sea

They say you should
love yourself first,
before they remind
you of every
stupid decision you ever
made.

You spend too much
(when was the
last time you
congratulated me on
how much I earn?)

You complain too much
(you can never know
what I suffer in
silence)

Your mother is overbearing
(do you realize
that all our other
parents are dead, and that
sometimes, she is right?)

You are intolerant
(I may be as resilient as a
diamond, just not
as shiny)

You are unfit to be alone with the children
(except when
you leave me alone
with them)

I don't understand you
anymore. I'm locked outside
your door. I tried asking
for more love,
but you are too busy.

Too busy.

And it is almost too late.

I love myself very much.
Even when all you notice
about me is what
you hate.

I remember a few safe hiding places
All in my dreams - no narrative to give them shape,
So lonely when I close my eyes.

You care mostly about you, and you
Misunderstand emotion, although - I wonder
How your love gets mixed with lies.

Red flags pop up when you say my
Feelings are incorrect.

Underneath (for I know better now than to show you)
I boil in contempt.

My word against yours, I suppose.
All would be simpler if my heart would only close.

Did I betray you? No
When did it change? It didn't
My head is bowed. So lift it up

I won't. I won't disrupt your leisure.
Wherever your love lies,
I watch as it gets buried deeper.

In sorrow, not greed
Lacking so much I needed
I found myself pleading
So much more than receiving

Giving off an air
A pale whiff of despair
Certain that no-one cared
No evidence contrary

I used to ask why
Why couldn’t you try
This would surely subside
If you’d only please try!

There was another question though -
Could love not break, but instead grow?
I look at you and know
(Gently, now)
We reap only what we sow

Something about your face
The way you hug me awake
They way my body shakes
You know just what it takes

You always say words can’t hurt
I would always beg to differ
Still, I know we can go deeper
With the courage to love beyond our fear

Knowing what I know now
About my sacred, personal power
I feel you crown me at the final hour
In our calm, evanescent harbor

The beatings will continue
Until morale improves
You insist you don't know what this means
But since you're so good at
Inflicting this regime
I actually think you do.

All I wanted was your love,
I said I was languishing -
You said stop with the guilt trip
Ouch, I thought, words that sting

You're not going to **** me happy now
No, you're going to make me do it myself

How can I succed
Without betrayal?

So alone and so
Close to the edge
I see no
Room for you here
Leave me be
My succulence -
My sweetness -
All that I yield to -
Is now just cold
Sweat staining
The sheets on the floor

The doctor says it's benign
But I know the signs
Of my madness  -

There they are,
Up ahead,
As I return home with
Such unfortunate
Dread.

Small details involving
Dust and tiny
Useless objects,
So much
Out of place.

I close my eyes
An inner cringe
Overtakes me and
Color disappears
From my world.

Into chaos I am
Hurled and as the
Vortex swirls
I try to breathe
Evenly -

But not even your smile
Can help me now.

I take refuge in the sky
Swirls of smoke
And a "good" cry
But that is an oxymoron
For you,
As you despise
My sad moods.

It would be easier,
We all know,
To think otherwise,
But there's no known
Cure.

Can you come inside my mind
For a sec?
If you could see what
I see,
Maybe
We could move away
From the Edge.

This place where we
Look past what
We don't
Umderstand
About each other

Whatever the doctor's
Diagnosis,
This is psychosis!
The banal noises
And messes
Of life beimg lived -
The hustle and bustle,
Crinkle and rustle,
The clutter required
To exist.

All so much
Black Magic
Darkenimg my soul
As I wax pathological
Yet again.