How did it come to this
Who are you now to me?
I’m alright in this moment
Accepting to be lonely

Confused about the signs
The only move is to retreat
Again! But it’s deadly
For our love, this heat

Talking about anything —
Anything! A tug of war!
I retreat but you won’t come looking...
Here, near is so far

You don’t want to
Talk to me
Sit with me
Be with me
Grow with me
You won’t even be
Lonely with me
Or so, it seems

Logic says you’re wrong
You hurt me for too long
Love says you’re hurt
Persevere, find the worth
—
Later, the next day
Finding the words to say
You hearing me this time
Forget the past, just be mine

I am, he said, and
Though the tone fills me with dread —
I yank weeds of weakness from my head
I see beyond my familiar dead end

I ignore the hint of disapproval
I fill my voice with love
Sabotaging the sabotage
I make my voice small

Give me something to
Look forward to tonight
I said - and with a smile from you
Felt everything become alright

The thing is you do —
Very much and so do I —
Love is a given
With our children and
Despite it all
Every season

My prayer for you —
My greatest challenge —
My brightest love —
Is for you to always find
Safe Harbor somewhere in
My orbit, you said you hoped not to outlive me, darling that’s exactly—
Exactly!
How you love me and hurt me at the same time

You’ve told me how I do that to you, too.

Let’s not worry
About calling anything even
Lifting each other up
Is how we get to heaven

—

That evening, something I said
Reversed it all in your head —
Again
The tearing up inside has started —
Again
The loneliness you want me to hide —  
Again
Holding my weakness and humanity against me —
Again
Lashing out and then holding back your love!
Again

Help me
Show me a sign
I’m losing faith
Again

What keeps you here?
Shall I let you go?
How do I love beyond my fear
When I’m so very alone?