Look up, I force my gaze up
I face that unwanted reflection
The hated man, the other half
Still addicted, Dependent on ****
The realization hits again
That I and Him, The same man
Night and Day difference
Pros and Cons I weigh
His motivation beats me to it
It is a sickness and I am sick
Of it of not wanting only to want again
Of being unable to manage
Everyday tasks and hobbies I loved
Creativity seems to visit
When it’s the good ****…
Again, That man before me now
******* this ******* mirror
He knows how badly I hate him,
He feels no where near the same
Content with his poison
But I can see it in his eyes,
He knows that it isn’t right
Will he help me quit this time?

Money is not everything.
But life’s a struggle when you can’t afford a thing.
Life’s difficult,
when money’s not in your reach.
It’s as if it floats by on a leash,
with its ‘owner’ behind.
You stretch out the hand which has gotten so tired of stretching,
to touch it,
to feel it,
to hold it ..
Even if it’s just for a minute.
But as it’s about to land,
it gently flows off to another man;
whether to the doctor,
teacher,
the mechanic,
or the fisher woman.
Life’s hell when you don’t have it.
It’s hell when your hand is at your jaw,
and the other scratches your head like a dog’s paw.
It’s he’ll when you worry about your other meal,
because the fridge is empty.
There’s not even an orange seed.
It’s hell,
when you have to think about the light being gone,
the water being gone
and the internet being gone.
It’s hell when the amount of money left can be counted on your finger,
which means it’s a number: one digit – one figure.
It’s hell when you worry about the kids and what they think.
It’s hell when you have to borrow as if there’s no tomorrow,
borrow so much, it seems as if there’s a hole in your hand –
one the size of a rabbit’s burrow.
Mostly it’s hell when your throat gets hoarse from calling out to God for so long,
when you deprive yourself from food for so long ..
But still, no response.
It’s as if God’s saying:
*“Be still my child, that’s where you belong.”