i sat
in the
bathtub
staring
at the
broken
blood vessels
in my legs
and wondered
if they were
whole
before you left,
too.

there are cracks in head
the same way there are cracks
in the ceiling of your mother’s kitchen

i tell myself they all formed
from all of my thinking
and all of my feeling

your mother’s ceiling
kept crying all of those nights
she wouldn’t stop yelling

one day we won’t even notice them.

Some friends think they are so important. . . Essential

They aim to be very close to you. . . Residential

They take total control of your life. . . Presidential

They ride over your decisions. . . . Influential

And claim they deserve the merit. . . Credential

Then disappear when problems result. . . Consequential

~~~
my diet of ideas
is without carbs
that convert to saccharine;
a life filed by the pauses of milky hot coffee sips,
these are the protein compositional periods,
in my otherwise,
stuttering life

when they come to me,
these escapades of poems~moments
'tis the only nutrition this man needs

what am doing?

my strength is my coolness

hope I lost my power

am getting anger like a bullet train

applying brakes is a tedious job

and unfortunately I lack disc brakes.

am somehow not able to digest humiliation

not sure if am doing it right

but, definitely hurting quite a few.

a change which is undesirable

that's not me but, am transforming the way

I never want to

How deep is your love? I want to drown where others only wish to soak in
You cannot fathom the depth of my devotion. Left within the ocean of a love that had no motion
Still waters still bother, my will falters at ill altars. At will I will myself to swim farther
How deep is your love?

Every morning I'll wake up shaking from the things I lack in life.
So I'll add ***** to my coffee to help forget.
I'll mix my anxiety with more stimulants to help preoccupy my mind.
A million thoughts racing but you make it a million and one.
I don't think about him the way I think about you.
I still remember the way your hands would shake whenever they were placed on my hips and the way you kissed my neck never felt short of feeling unsure.
When the tips of our fingers graze each other, I still remember how hesitant you were to touch a square inch of my flesh.
Your absence left me nervous and that's become my new identity, but even though we've been acquainted before, we became close friends.
Afraid of letting go so we grew together instead.
My hands shake just like yours do and I still add anxiety to my liquid courage and pray that I wake up the next morning hoping to drink my coffee alone and maybe then I can tell you the reason why I am intertwined within his sheets and not yours is because he made me feel like someone wanted me, and that's something you could never do.