He made it very clear what he wanted,
and what he wanted was never me.


-bcg (it isn't meant to be read, it's meant to be yelled)

I still miss you just as much
I just don't say it anymore.
Because when I do
The look on your face
That mixture of pity and uncomfortableness
Makes me want to *****.
And I can't throw up with an empty stomach
And heaving is just unladylike.

-bcg (i miss you)

I know you care. Even when you told me things that hurt so bad I had to use a blade against my own skin for my body to make sense again. Even when you literally showed me how little I mattered to you. Even when you stopped loving me the first time. Even when you watched in silence as I begged for you to ask me to stay. Even now when I haven’t heard from you for so long and I am so close to the edge.

I know you care because you always cared, just not enough.

-bcg (i dont know how long i can keep holding on)

I keep on making the same mistake of
thinking I mean more to you than I actually do.

-bcg (there’s no sign of stopping)

He likes reading Russian poetry and she likes listening to him whisper it through the phone.

She likes watching sitcoms, dramas, and really anything available on Netflix steaming and he likes teasing her about it on the way home.

They like to distract themselves and pretend everything's alright. They like to text and talk every week night.


They fit well, like out of a storybook page, or a rhyme in an old song that you would hear on your dad’s iPod on shuffle. Except there was one thing they overlooked all those nights talking about everything and nothing over and over till the sun would rise.

She never could watch the last episode of the shows she binged, but he always read the last page of the books he read. She was afraid of endings and goodbyes.

So when the clock struck twelve and it was time to go home, only one was doomed to a life of bathroom floors, empty stomachs, and dull, dead eyes.

-bcg (i was afraid of endings and when you asked me i told you i would be fine

There's this thing about me that I thought you knew by now. I love hard and I love deeply. I love full and I love endlessly.
So when there's a shot, when I see a chance, I'm gonna take it. No matter the odds, or how bad things could get. No matter what could happen, I'm gonna take the shot. Because I'm in love with you and I will always think you're worth the risk.
So if I don't see you tomorrow, I want you to know, you were worth the shot, we were worth the shot.

-bcg (i missed and that was our last throw, but ****** if it wasn't worth every sad song lyric running through my head at 2:47pm on a wednesday as i stare at the picture of you that maliciously showed up on my newsfeed the day after i flushed all my blades away)

She still dances, you know? She still laughs and smiles. She still opens her heart to strangers. She’s still the girl you fell in love with.

But there are these little things I’ve been noticing. Like sometimes we’ll be driving and singing along to the radio and she’ll just stop in the middle of the chorus, pull out her phone, and just stare down at it or a full minute before putting it away. She doesn’t go on facebook anymore because she’s worried about seeing something of yours. She looks so small, her old clothes don’t look right on her. That glint in her eye she used to have after a few drinks is completely gone. Replaced by this empty glaze that is hard to look directly at. She second-guesses herself, not all the time, but for someone who never used to do that, it’s noticeable. It’s like this once confident, beautiful, intelligent girl was just spun around one too many times by this one person and she cant quite find her balance now that she’s back on the ground.

She’s still the girl you fell in love with
But you broke her, in a way that can never be completely healed.  

-bcg (please stop calling her, i’m begging you)