Let me tell you
about this crazy dream I had

I looked over at you and smiled again
You put your head on my shoulder
We've been watching the cars pass
Through the streets of the city
Like stars falling from our galaxy

Ever have those moments when
time
slows
down?
Everything gets quiet
And my eyes felt like they opened
for the first time
And i felt music and art and poetry
for the first time
And my ears could only hear our
heart beats in sync
And your breathing

This was one of those moments
Like the first time I met you

We played connect the dots with the stars
And drew each other pictures of the future
I felt your grip get tighter around my hand
And I couldnt help but belt out a laugh

Can you believe it?  
Of all the particles of matter
And molecules of life
Of landscapes
And creatures
And people
And planets
And timing
And chances
We slammed into each other
Like we've always been en route
For this crash.

And like two fireworks
We took the sky and stole the moment
In a wild display it took my whole life to perfect
I would do what I could to see you shine
the brightest
I went through years of fuses and duds and restarts,
sparks and false starts just for this moment when
You ignite me to the potential I never knew was there

See, your best brings out my best,
And the more I can do for you will enrich me.

Your warmth is something I didn't know was possible
Until it was.

You are proof that lotteries
aren't only won in monetary jackpots
And hearts aren't only made for
Beating in a singular rhythm  
But in a drum line to a symphony.

We danced in our own company
And your lips dropped breadcrumbs
across my body
So you'd find your way back up to my kiss.
I've never felt lips burn so deep like yours do
You left gulches on my neck with your breath
And dug out safe places
where you will always be welcomed.

Let me tell you
I wake up to sleep now.

They said my lines were weak
So I learned not to speak
     I decided not to speak

Now the lines are stuck in my mind
Driving me insane
Stay in your lane

I'm a girl who loves to dance
Yet too afraid to give it a chance
Utterly bored with myself
Wishing to purely connect

Aching for
the courage
the tools
the words
To get out of this rut

All my ideas swirl into gray lines
That fill my mind
And fuel the emptiness
That keeps me from feeling alive
Left only with a penchant for pleasing

I just laugh it off
Then cry dry tears at night
Where did I go?
Can you see me?
I'm lost in the monotony
Can you save me?
Can I save me?

I imagine the little things
Like you and I making breakfast together for the first time
And us sitting in a coffee shops enjoying each other company in silence
Me, writing you love letters and slipping them into your coat pockets
You, making us tea

I dream of the first time we kiss
And how I will grab you at the waist and pull you in close

I think of the first time we'll fight
And how it will keep me up all night wondering if I did something wrong
And you telling me everything is alright

The snow that once left soft curves
On top of everything ugly,
Had melted away
The world was full and empty at the same time.
Everything was solid yet up in the air
It felt like anything could happen.

There was nothing here aside
From a clean slate.
You know the kind, you never wanted.
A smile of contentment for things left behind
And a sting of sorrow for the things
You weren't ready to lose.

Suddenly the world was full of everything
You had always neglected about yourself.
There was air, the cold kind, that hurts your lungs
Empty of a warm promise yet full
Of a truth, kindly smiling at you.

You smile back, in realization
Life so bleak, suddenly looks
Like clouds are lifting
Warm air heading your way
Touching skin sadly neglected

The road stretching beyond reach
Leaving the truth far behind
Like yesterday's past
The snow that once left soft curves
On top of everything ugly
Now fades into a distant memory.

what is life but want
a line that embodies a whisper
fine as a strand of silk,
just as fragile

we crush, we stamp
we wreak detruction
but we also think we love
and we cherish

but is love love when you want more
more till they break
till they hate
till its over

what is enough

love we spoil by demanding more
eager to feed our rapacious mouths and our craving minds
always greedy, begging for more
insatiable
more
merely for us
what we get slips between the cracks
falling below our flaws
so that we are hindered, caged, by our own souls
and when this is devoured
we justify searching for more
desiring the exceptional

life oozes opportunity
it pours like the rain,
drips like condensation

and yet we stand
mouths gaping open, hands grabbing
how long will we stand before grasping a hand, an opportunity, a mouthful
how long,
how long do we stay yearning

our cold lives will never be full
our voracious bodies can never be blessed by satisfaction

we want to know
we want to love
love the one
love life
love ourselves

what we really long for is time

a clock strikes
the revalation that we possessed the world weighs heavy
hanging precipitously but it is not to be shaken off
it is a chain
a prison
forged of gluttonous greed,
regrattable malancholy,
gloom

what is this life but want  
and who should care
for your bleeding, your suffering, your tears
but those of whom you demanded the world
they were the world
now ravaged irreparably by our want

and now we sit,
wanting for all of time
until the end

humanity is hated by humanity

                                                                             -k.g.

I'm uncomfortable.
I'm uncomfortable with myself,
my body,
even sometimes my own personality.
Nonetheless, you encourage me that there is nothing to be afraid of,
and that I'm beautiful, it's all just a part of human nature you repeat.
I cower, and you question why anxiety is winning a battle so easy for you,
making me feel so small against the giant inside my head.
But how can one scold me for my anxiety for feeling so uncomfortable with touch, and the physical presence of someone else, when emotionally i barely know anything about you.
You're uncomfortable with the way you feel, what you feel,
and how you feel of the ones around you.
How can someone make such comments on me being uncomfortable when emotionally your battle is just as great.
How can i feel so obliged to win this battle when on your end you're doing nothing but throwing sticks?
I can't let go if you yourself continue to build your skyscraper of a wall to the sun and back,
only questioning I as though you are not guilty to the same crime.
And that is why this will never be, we will never be.
If I have to scratch into your soul and pull out what's most precious to you, then I don't want it, because it clearly does not belong to me.
I want to be given the most difficult, treasured pieces of you without asking, without hesitation.
To be given this just because you love me and want to share your entire being with me.
That,
that is when i will do the same.

For the meantime,
I feel like a puppet being used as just an object at play.
To satisfy your needs as if I am deserving of no such thing.
How can one be so consumed in their own desires they cannot tell that the person they hold so dearly is suffocating in their own toxic sea of love they allowed into their heart,
slowly filling their lungs till it is too late to scream for help.
Dear it is not that i do not love you with all my being,
it is that you do not.