It is not in idleness
That I justify my reproachfulness
That is where it is judged
Scathed upon
Laughed about
Debated
Still elating in my sorrowful bath
I reproach
Condensation lining the walls of my fragile heart
It feels like cold glass
Throbbing inside a marble cage
Every beat
In every way
Close to shattering it's tiny pieces upon the cold linoleum
That provides the floor
To my aching gut
It's in idleness
That I may remain...

I watch the trees
Cackle in a polyphony of sound
Writhing
Dancing
Crying
Yelling
Sleeping
The leaves even fall dead
Where is my ticket?
For this show
The velvet drapes of Carnegie Hall have never seen such beauty in all their days
And I wonder
Why do people chase
Chase away the days and lives with 9 to 5 jobs
Just to buy a ticket to watch some sort of unforeseen beauty
Working just to work more
And living to work

And who ever had the silent idea
To sit idly and watch the trees
Dance and sway
And cackle at my *******
While I drift away
Into the depths of the show
The show that never ends.

Typing
Writing
Watching the blades of grass
And lawn-mower
How I wish I could mow lawns
But no
My life is much harder
I have to be a writer
Now,
Or at least
Other times,
I don’t know what I am

Sometimes I find joy in the mountains
Sometimes I find joy drinking silently in the cities
Sometimes I find joy fiddling away with my guitar
Where the depths of my despair will end, I am unsure

I looked at my friend Anthony’s arm yesterday,
There was a scar on it
New to me
A large scar
With little dots on the outside perimeter
What’d you do to your arm?
I was drunk
Punched a window
Pulled my arm back in
And
It was covered with blood
I called my brother
He took me to the hospital
Hmm,
The world is fair for Anthony

The effects of sleep deprivation on the mind
Sometimes depression,
Sometimes bliss,
Inability to focus
Yet the mind rests exactly where it needs to be
I wonder if it is better to remain sane and neutral
Or insane, suffering the ups and downs of emotional detriment?

Sometimes I wonder if there is some righteous path that I should be taking
Should I be doing what I think is “right?”
But how do I know what is “right?”
Perhaps I should just do what feels “right”
And let the wheels that want to take me down this long windy road,
Take me