With our love
what I have
found and what I
have left
behind,

we are
the sum total
of everything
in my
universe.

that night
you walked
away in
shadows
like a stray
alley cat off
to look for
a tasty morsel.

and I was all
for the less
for it,

and you
have wandered
in and
out of
half empty
beds every since,

even back into
mine now
and then.

drunk in
the night
wondering
when anything
good might
come out
of this.

and now
30 years
of our love
has left
you,

and the color
of your
amber eyes
have gone
dark.

but you were
a child once,

and then
you grew
it all away
to runaway
from all
consequences.

and my arms
that just
wanted to
hold you.

and love.

now  time
is not
your friend
anymore

and our love
has left
your bones
cold and
old.

and what
will become
of you..

only God
surely knows.

and everything
in her eyes
and the reflection
in mine,

is the story
of our lives,

and at
night,

the quiet
slumber
is that of
clouds slowly
moving through
the sky
on a rainy
night.

and  in
our sleep
and in
our dreams her
hand always
seeks to
hold mine,

and never
do we
wake.

and in morning
her kiss is
deeper still.

and today
in the moments
we are apart,

are all the
moments in
my life
that I
will only
miss her
more.

and a hundred
times today
I will look
up to the sky

and say,

"she married me
she married me"

and for
that Lord
I will be

forever blessed.

Still water
resting
at the
bottom
of a
Pacific ocean
tide
pool,

reflections
of you
in my
mind
in the
Sunday
morning
light.

sometimes
I can imagine
I hear you
laughter
carried in
harmony
to me
on a
a salt-kissed
circling
wind.

and I
sit for
a moment
and smile.

I always
smile.

it is
a giving
thing that
you do.

your gentle
manner
of truth
and innocence.

I can always
feel it
there in
you eyes...

you are


where
good  poets
go to
die.

I pour my emotions
onto whatever will take them
and then, when they evaporate
they form clouds

eventually
they will get too heavy
and  I will
r a i n

to feel happy...
2. to feel loved...
3. to feel free...
4. to get a good night's sleep...
5. to not worry as much...
6. to feel beautiful...
7.to not look in a mirror and immediately look away because I hate the way I look...
8. to feel like my existence matters...
9. to help change the world...
10. to feel happy...

Seems simple enough, right?...

It's not.

Weightless and wordless,
she only saw the goodness
of my desolate soul

When she walked away,
I cried over the small
space between her lips

And just like the space
that separates her lips,
I was centuries away  
from seeing her again

When everyone has abandoned me,
my shadow laid there next to me,
and it whispered “let’s go home”

And when my poems
turned into suicide notes,
I sharpened the knife,
and put it on my pillow
to sing me to sleep

A bottle of pills with
my full name on it
White and motherly,
I heard them call my
name from a distance

I swallowed the pills,
I swallowed the knife,
my shadow swallowed me

I am finally home