Im not perfect. Yes.. I know
I'm still scared of letting go
all the pain that's in the past
Makes it hard for joy to last
Take my hand and say im fine
I just need a bit more time
You say it might hurt right now
But you know I'll make it through somehow

Why do you lie to me
Say i never need to hide
Why do you cry for me
When It starts to hurt inside
I'm not broken im just bent
this ain't hurt words can prevent
Look me right inside the eyes
And keep on saying pretty lies

Eyes get dark I moved too quick
Show me food and I'll feel sick
Body aches and dizzy spells
Can't fix me im too unwell
Six different kinds of pills
The kind of pain that can ****
You say if only I try
But I think it's best you say goodbye

Why do you lie to me
Say that I will be alright
Why do you cry for me
When I can't fall asleep at night
I'm not heartless im just scared
That when I wake you won't be there
But I will take off my disguise
If you stop saying pretty lies

Heartache and a pounding head
Wasting away inside my bed
I mess up and push away
All the friends I'm scared won't stay
I use sleep as an escape
And hate the way my body's shaped
You say you'll stay when it hurts to breathe
But when things get too hard you leave

So please don't lie to me
Say that you will never leave
I know you cry for me
When I say I don't believe
That I'm worth the effort it takes
To fix the bruises and the breaks
But if you tell me one more time
I might believe your pretty lies

I'm sick of my own mind
tired of being sad all the time
tired of never being able to sleep
and when I do it's never enough
One of these days I'm afraid
I'll  lay down and never get up

they give me meds but they barely work
and angry words only make it worse
I'd tell the truth but I'm too afraid
that those once kind eyes will fill with hate
I'm trying so hard I swear I am
but I'm too broken for you to understand

there's lines on my thighs that aren't easily explained
and I find it easy to ignore the hunger pains
I'm starving but I can't make myself eat
I  hate myself but love watching myself bleed
I say that I'm fine and put on a smile
But really I've been broken for quite a while

What the hell is wrong with me?

im "the happy friend"

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to rely on drugs for happiness

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to wake up everyday, and wish they still were dreaming

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to be the mediator of family fights

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to avoid looking at themselves at certain angles

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to constantly **** in their tummy- making sure they're still paper thin

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to lay in bed- tears welling in their eyes

the "happy friend" isnt supposed to feel the constant weight of the universe resting on their chest

why would i feel that

after all

i am the "happy friend"

It’s easy to love you,
But hard to believe it is possible
for you to allow it