Remember when you told me you forgot your middle name.
And that you didn't remember if you even had one.
That your parents weren't particularly religious; that they forgot God.
And that you've been forgetful lately.
You couldn't
remember
the last time you picked flowers.
Or a president.
Or shot a gun.
Or put a flower in a gun.
And that Vietnam was like Iraq.
And France would bring WWIII.
"What's my middle name?"
You asked.
"Where's the Middle East?"

"Didn't the nukes dropped in the Nevada desert sand create glass?"

"How many windows does this room have? Can you see?"

"The eyes are the windows to the soul."

My eyes feel old
Is what my grandmother would say
when she was tired.
She would play solitaire.
After each game she would
shuffle the deck three ways.
I would always mix them up
scattered on the tabletop.
That's what I remember
from the sixties.

Years of neglect is abuse too.

Swiftly flow the years
Like foam upon the waters
Leaving memories of songs
And girls with juicy booties

Packing a snack
For the road ahead
You need to eat to survive
But a little extra food wouldn't hurt a man
Unless you ate food size of a caravan

There's a weight in my chest,
Dear God,
I'm so Depressed.
I'm not crying,
No, I'm screaming.
I'm so stressed,
I'm sorry Lord,
But I must confess:
That even though
I tell you all my Sins,
This cycle Never Ends.
I wake up,
As though I never went to sleep.
Sweet Jesus,
Even as I weep,
For all the promises I can't keep.
There are Demons,
That plague my dreams.
Even worse are the demons,
That hide as humans.
I'm at the edge of my sanity,
No light, no hope,
I am loosing my humanity.
I'm just a beast,
Hiding under a smile.
My misery is my feast.
This monster is killing,
The once sweet girl,
That was living.
That once sweet Girl that I used to be.
Sweet Mother Mary,
Please end my suffering,
I cannot win.
There is nothing,
That can save me
From myself.
I walk this earth,
No this Hell.
Hoping They can see,
This monster that lives within me.
Is it wrong,
That as I plan to end my life,
I'm hoping God will understand,
My Sacrifice?
Is it wrong that I'm still praying,
For help,
For a saviour,
For eternal peace,
For Heaven at least.