my bridge is falling down
it is falling down
where have i gone
i am gone
the bridge is gone
i am down
the wall has gone up      
it is high up
the bridge is down                
where is the bridge
there is a wall
where is my soul
there is no bridge
it has fallen down
the wall is up
i have gone                      
the bridge is down                    
do you see the wall
where is my soul?

So I took a sleeping pill.
For hours I lay awake staring at the ceiling,
Thinking of what I've said, done and how things could have been.
Thinking of tomorrow, and how it might be different,
And I lie awake because I don't know if I'm brave enough for it.
I lie awake thinking until my head starts to hurt
From imagining a world where I'm whole and not broke.
I see this world and it's so crystal clear,
But only when I'm lying awake trying to disappear.
And so a took a sleeping pill.

I took a sleeping pill.
And pray to sleep, because when I sleep I get to dream.
But wait, who actually who wants to dream
When the images seen are like that of a birds broken wings?
The bird tries to keep moving but the pain holds it hostage
And my wings, just like that birds, no longer move nor fly.
So rather I analyse all the little things in my head
And I tell myself I won't look any stronger if I'm both asleep and dead.
So I took a sleeping pill.

Intruder. Intrusion. In my personal space.
Violater. Violation. What you took, I cannot replace.
Material. Materialistic. But that that's not the point.
My thoughts. My feeling. Have been shattered open.

Intruder. Violater. You didn't just steal.
You took something from me more valuable.
Than diamonds and rubies and all the queens gold.
Intruder. Violater. You don't know what you hold.                              

Intruder. Violater. You've taken my purge.
Letters and answers and maps to my worth.
Intruder. Violator. You've taken from me.
Memories of where I was, who I am and I am how I came to be.
You've taken my heartache, my sadness and pain
But also the joy and happiness from life I have gained.

Intruder. Violater. Maybe something to sell.
You took my whole world and spun me around.
Material. Materialistic. Harmless. Maybe to you.
I'm shattered and heartbroken and there's nothing I can do.

This role I'm playing is exhausting
Of watching you watching me
Of smiling, of laughing
Of not cracking when you blink

This being human is tiring,
Its not as great as they said it would be
The acting, the pretending,
The standing strong when you're weak

This staying alive thing is excruciating
Of being in pain and wishing to be free
Of trying, of crying
Of not being able to be me

Sometimes I wish I were an insect. So small and insignificant. Where all I had to worry was where to eat and where to sleep.  Under a rock or deep in the ground away from the world. My only worry the trample of a boot or the squawk of a bird. Sometimes I wish I were an insect.    

Sometimes I wish I were a tree. Strong and sturdy. Where all I had to do was stand and watch the seasons change, the people change, the world change. My only worry the chop of an ax or whether my roots are deep and strong enough to stand against the howling winds. I wish I were a tree.
    

Sometimes I wish I were a river. Moving rapidly and easy. Where all I had to do was go with the flow of my current. My only worry the unbearable heat that brings on a drought or the toxins of man. I wish I were a river.

I wonder if I could Speak from my
      Eyes
         And See from my Mouth
                 Would I have Worded any of
                        My Decisions better?