Remember those old floral mugs
that we used to have.
I think they are in a box somewhere.
I never really liked them before
but I do now.
So do you think it would be okay
if I brought them with me
when I go?
That is
if I found the box they’re in.
I never really liked them before
but I do now.

Oh, she’s a killer
A knife-shaped *****
She’ll rip through your guts
In the rain-stained
Metro station
Down-town east-end
Blood spills on the bathroom floor
And she just smiles
Beautiful
And familiar
Walking along
Coffee in hand
Going to work
When she hits you fast
Black arrow to the eye-brow without warning
Stamped in the carpet
Cigarette-**** burned and bruised
And just when you thought you could be ok
**** you, Nostalgia!
You know just how to play me
Just where to slice me
All the right words
At all the wrong times
I’m a sucker for your curved blade
I wear your scars and curse your name
Nostalgia
**** me quietly
I am always, only, ever yours.

You bend your knees at the edge of your bed and clasp Ya hands together
"Dear ma, You are my definition of forever."
You fix your gaze up to heaven and Ya mind begins to wander, wandering back to the day you were 4 and your life became an unending dark abyss, the day that you stared death in the eyes of your mother, you proudly told me that you have her eyes.
The day you wish you could go back to and alter but never want to relive. The sound of a gun takes you back 13 years ..
This is the day Mother's Day lost its meaning.
This is the day Ya heart broke and grew shallow, never fully able to let anybody else in.
The day you realized you'd have to teach yourself all about being a female. Why every 21-28 days Mother Nature takes a toll on you, why you grew balloons on your chest, why some boys ain't **** and that its okay to like girls.
This is the day you developed a million dollar smile and half hearted laugh that never seems to fade.
As Ya BestFriend, I can see through Ya barricade and I know that you are never to be fixed and your walls will never come down and Ya guard will stay on instant alert.
But take my hand and grow with me, run with me .. Learn to breathe, learn to smile and laugh without having to fight back tears, let's learn to live in the moment and not dwell on the past. At such a young age you gave up your entire world, it wasn't easy and yet you make it seem so.
My definition of forever is also, Ya mother.
-a.m.r

As I stare in the midst of darkness
My mind invite you in my thoughts
I shake my head in the hopes of getting you out
You forever present in my thoughts
But fail to show up on my doorstep
Or send a mere text

I hate how my mind always defend you
"Maybe he hasn't forgotten you", it says
"Maybe he lost your  contact details" it adds
"Or maybe he's  just to busy to contact me" I correct it
"Or maybe he never wanted me" I add

Everytime my phone beeps I used to wish it was you.
Maybe you finally remembered that I exist
Thanks to your absence,
My heart is as cold as ice, and
Hard as a rock

Now when my phone beeps, I hope it's one of your BELOVED family members
With a message that you got hit by a bus.

It clamps my heart  hard in it's hand
Trying to stifle
The pulsing beat
Stop my breath
My words
My truth
But I can't
I have to speak
I can't stop the river
That flows
It is truth
And truth be told
No matter what the cost

There's a knock on the door
I said don't come in
Anxiety lives beneath my skin

It sits on the couch
which is my heart
tearing my whole world apart

It never cares to wipe its feet
trailing my chest
with bright red streaks

Get out of my house
this isn't fun
oh my God my arm is numb

Pick up your **** I want you out
I can't even scream
I can't even shout

Close the door
behind you tight
I hate this ******* fight or flight

What did you steal what did you rob
I'm so confused
I'm in such a fog

It's all coming back now
I see it clear
Just exactly what I fear

           ...You've left the door cracked...