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Who Am I
so you think you know me
well nobody knows me
who am I
what am I
I wear an invisible mask
buried deep inside a flask
one day, I might come out
show you what I'm all about
my real identity
might never be revealed
it's in an envelope
and secretly sealed
my real name
you'll never know
I'm more famous
than Vincent Van Gogh
am I woman
am I man
I have a goal
I have a plan
someday you'll
know the truth
meanwhile, I'll just
keep playing a sleuth
When you touch me I am immediately turned on.
Your hands are always warm
and your skin is soft.
I love when we are about to stop kissing
the last few kisses grow
slower
and longer.
When you press your pelvis against mine I can't help but think
about how wonderful it's going to be to make love to you
I can't wait
To be back
In your arms
To feel our
Passion
Soar as we
Explode from
Utter joy
From simply
Being in each
Others
Presence again.
Poems **** sorry been in a poetry rut
I hear the tick tick tick...
and I feel the tock tock tock,
coursing through my veins
while the hours are becoming decades,
decades becoming centuries...

We are fed through lapse of time by figurines dangling on the wall.
Ticking and clicking.
A beat.
An ever incessant beat that our ever stumbling feet never seem to balance with.
We are always a second ahead, or seemingly so,
a second behind;
grasping and searching,
desperate to find,
an answer in how we capture the seconds creeping so casually between our fingers.

In that struggle with the tick,
and with our folly of the tock,
we stare in anguish at the clock,
missing moments that matter the most.


All the time we throw aside...
On a sunny brae alone I lay
One summer afternoon;
It was the marriage-time of May,
With her young lover, June.

From her mother's heart seemed loath to part
That queen of bridal charms,
But her father smiled on the fairest child
He ever held in his arms.

The trees did wave their plumy crests,
The glad birds carolled clear;
And I, of all the wedding guests,
Was only sullen there!

There was not one, but wished to shun
My aspect void of cheer;
The very gray rocks, looking on,
Asked, "What do you here?"

And I could utter no reply;
In sooth, I did not know
Why I had brought a clouded eye
To greet the general glow.

So, resting on a heathy bank,
I took my heart to me;
And we together sadly sank
Into a reverie.

We thought, "When winter comes again,
Where will these bright things be?
All vanished, like a vision vain,
An unreal mockery!

"The birds that now so blithely sing,
Through deserts, frozen dry,
Poor spectres of the perished spring,
In famished troops will fly.

"And why should we be glad at all?
The leaf is hardly green,
Before a token of its fall
Is on the surface seen!"

Now, whether it were really so,
I never could be sure;
But as in fit of peevish woe,
I stretched me on the moor,

A thousand thousand gleaming fires
Seemed kindling in the air;
A thousand thousand silvery lyres
Resounded far and near:

Methought, the very breath I breathed
Was full of sparks divine,
And all my heather-couch was wreathed
By that celestial shine!

And, while the wide earth echoing rung
To that strange minstrelsy
The little glittering spirits sung,
Or seemed to sing, to me:

"O mortal! mortal! let them die;
Let time and tears destroy,
That we may overflow the sky
With universal joy!

"Let grief distract the sufferer's breast,
And night obscure his way;
They hasten him to endless rest,
And everlasting day.

"To thee the world is like a tomb,
A desert's naked shore;
To us, in unimagined bloom,
It brightens more and more!

"And, could we lift the veil, and give
One brief glimpse to thine eye,
Thou wouldst rejoice for those that live,
BECAUSE they live to die."

The music ceased; the noonday dream,
Like dream of night, withdrew;
But Fancy, still, will sometimes deem
Her fond creation true.



Published in the 1846 collection Poems By Currer, Ellis and Acton Bell under Emily's nom de plume 'Ellis Bell'.
I am not afraid of death.

I am afraid
of leaving nothing behind:
no legacy, no memory, no lasting impression.

I am afraid
I will not have a mark, a footprint,
a story worth telling generation after generation.

I am afraid
everything I ever do
will have absolutely no meaning
after my conscience is inevitably whipped from existence.

I am afraid
all of the tests and assessments will count for no grade:
none of the points will have ever mattered,
whole nights awake and exhausted stress for nothing.

I am afraid
each word I wrote and every line I drew will be erased,
the rubber shavings swept to the floor by a careless hand
vacuumed away in spring cleaning,
and emptied into a trash bin months, even years later.

I am afraid
the lyrics that sprang spontaneously from my lips
soaked and soapy from shampoo in the shower
will only survive dripping through dank, rusted pipes
echoing with hollow drops in an empty bi-centennial home
for no one.

I am afraid
what I saw, what I understood, what I thought, and what I spoke
will have no impact on the interpretation of the universe
through the eyes of others;
there is no continued learning through humanity,
only amnesia
forgetting and loosing
until our entire species dies of sheer stupidity.

I am afraid
my essence will be forgotten.
But then again,
I am also afraid if I am not.

I die and then what?
Mourning?
Wailing and depression?
Screaming and fury and reverberating shrieks?
Pure, blessed joy at relief from my existence on this Earth?

I cannot decide which I fear more:
my last breath passing as not an eyelash bats with nerve for care
or my memorial lasting eternally.
 Jun 2014 Anggun Russell
Jack
I practice what I preach,
but we all make mistakes
 Jun 2014 Anggun Russell
ThisIsMe
Once, you told me I was your sun.
Once, we spent the sleepless nights that were stolen by our pasts borrowing time
Time to talk, time to cry, time to dream
All through the pinprick holes of a cracked screen phone that let me feel your voice and hear your heart
It was in those forums that we lay everything bare
Naked and unashamed, we approached one another in honesty and vulnerability fearing no judgement
Intertwined by the secrets that kept us together and pushed all those others away
Together we dredged through our dreams, no, not dreams, for dreams are bright and filled with joy and curiosity rather nightmares, for nightmares creep in the shadows of the night and display the worst of our subconscious  no, not nightmares, for even they evade you in the day. These were demons. Demons that did not leave you or I, Demons that followed us through the day and through the night haunting and menacing. A constant reminder of our imperfections
Yes, demons that is what they were.
Together we dredged through the demons that filled us.
And together we waged a battle.
A battle neither fearless nor brave but merely a battle to survive
And it was in those moments that You called me the sun in your darkness
But If I were your sun, the reason you breathed and lived. The source of your strength and your joy Then you were my moon
Reflecting, the strength which I bathed you in to get me through the darkest of times. To keep me resilient when my Pandora’s box dared to open dared to bring out the evils I kept so neatly tucked beneath the surface. Standing beside me when it did.
But I am not your sun
The sun does not forget to shine
The sun does not disappear or fade away
The sun is constant, day by day, always and forever.
The moon
The moon waxes and wanes.
It is half, it is whole, it is nothing
Covered in the strength of the sun, even at its strongest, it reflects a mere dim glow to that of its counterpart
So you see, you are wrong, I am not the sun, I am not your sun
You kept my darkness at bay and in your darkest night; I was but a faint globe of light
Two celestial bodies forever entangled in time and space, we are eternally connected
Yet now we find ourselves in an eclipse
With Iong shadows that have created a seemingly cavernous distance between you and I
Shadows that have left me dark and cold
For what is a life without the sun other than lifeless
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