put all the words
in the world
in my two hands,
each a microscopic dot
of near invisible,
teeming, heaping,
ricochet intersecting
colliding,
cell splendid splitting
leaping,
until they,
wordlessly forming
a sign inquiring,
in neon flashing:

“What did I demand of them?”

”New combinations,” my reply.

how we
laughed together...
as they procreated
My Happy Request

Words do not impress
Weaved web of heavy thoughts
Intertwined with feelings of moments
Trapped in time.

When poetry, tender love
Shattered the seal of darkness on my heart.
Only falling empty on now deaf ears.

Rotting in the pit of my stomach
The sonnet of souls attempting to reach me
Eroding, like the poison of this forked tongue.
Slaying the beauty of life.
I retreat to blank pages.
Uninspired, how I bore of you.

Stuck in a rut.
Becoming accustomed to this sophomore slump.
Searching for creativity and coming up short.
Avoiding conformity,
I am unable to contort.
To fit the mold of the personality society expects me to be.
To restrict myself to the boundaries you’ve laid out for me.
Trapped in this modern day suburbia
With a dull canvas of street signs and strip malls.
Trying to show creativity by posting eloquent diction on bathroom stalls.
Experimenting with drugs just doin’ it for kicks
Until I kick the bucket that’ll be my ultimate fix.
Searching for something deeper in the trendy tikes that surround me.
It’s like finding a Warhol hung on the pasty wallpaper of a Motel 6, unlikely.
But they’re blinded.
These superficial tendencies are a filter over the eyes of the feeble-minded.
And when I fall into that materialistic wonderland, I stumble
I come back to reality and instantly, I’m humbled.
Uninspired, stuck in this middle class wasteland.
I’m drowning, reaching for a helping hand.
Encapsulated in a series of track homes and industrial lots,
Yearning to venture past these white picket fences;
To stray from these social pretenses.
I’m meant to be more than a big fish wading in this murky puddle.
So, I’ll swim to the depths of the ocean till I find a life style a little less subtle.
And just as I retire from this constant search,
I see a light glimmering in the distance, like fire.
Unaware of what it is but knowing that it holds everything for which I have aspired.
I’ll chase it till my whit’s end, I am inspired.

Some things in ourselves are really hard to change
My main concern in life was
not being enough
for something
for my courses
I was self-doubting
I was really afraid
How could I start again after all the fun months I have spent?
How can I keep a routine?
How can I get back to study and
focus on myself?
How can I spend more hours in the library
and become more confident?
Waw how much these questions are important
And how much they involve
Every student in the world

And I answered them with other questions
Why do I need to be the best to succeed?
Shouldn’t learning be a fun thing?
Where it is all about accepting yourself
And expanding your knowledge
Why do I always feel the need to be more than I am?
Why do I have to become better?
Who said that the version of myself right now isn’t enough?
Why do I compare myself to others, to phones , to machines?
Why do we do this to ourselves setting up goals
Instead of waiting and seeing what life will offer us
Why can’t we trust that good things will happen
They can take time some time
And that’s okay
We should be patient with our fragile souls
Observe this world and see its hidden beauty

I need books to make me feel better
I need to read about a writer’s boring life
Accept life as absurd, boring and alienating as it is
Accept that everyone has a dark side
Involve emotions and feelings in everything I do or say
Let go instead of holding on