Alcohol,
drugs,
love.
They are choices
we make
that break us apart.
We use them to fill
the voids in our heart,
to cover the scars
we've had since the start.
It's a petty game
that we play,
even when we're smart.
We pour kerosene on fire,
then cry when it starts
burning holes in our life,
and chars up our hearts.
We love that it burns.
We love that it hurts.
It's never enough,
they always play their part.
We love them more,
than we love our own hearts.
We can't get enough
of ripping ourselves apart.
We gaze in the mirror
to see our black hearts,
and smile at the feeling
that pain makes us art.

I look deep into the woods

"Play with me!"

Dumb looking kid waves at me.

Then she kicks me over and rolls on me and starts punching. Biting.

I run. "Who was that"

I search for myself. My real self.

I see tears               from a girl

"These isn't fair" what?

Depression. Got no time for that.

I run.

I see a fading image of a girl. This time she's with many friends.

When she reaches her hand to them- when it almost touches, they disappear. Every single one.

She cries.        I run.

Oh. Who's that?

Me? That foolish kid?

With crowds of friends?

Best friends?

Is she dumb? Doesn't she know that they will once go away?

Especially.... she knows.... that friend......... the one she liked so much, almost loved.......

Will leave her.... like told before.....


Foolish! Foolish! Idiot! What are you doing there!

What am I doing? I'm suppose to be looking for myself!

Oh.



Ohhhhhhhh.....






That's me.

I wished
our little dreams came true
Just like a little bird's dreams to fly turned real
But someone still has to be the Ostrich who has wings yet isn't designed to fly.
Then I accept I was created to run into miracles, not to fly into fury.

I wished
our happiness knew no bounds
Just like a baby laughs and plays and actually knows no bounds
But every baby has to grow and learn to feel unhappy too.
Then I accept I was developed to be laughing even after all the unhappiness and not to stay unnecessarily in pain when there actually was only happiness all around.

I wished
our minds could find tranquility
Just like the green leaves of the trees in the path of our travel swayed in peace
But every tree has its yellow, green and brown days
Then I feel blessed to have in my hands, the ability, to turn the unhappy browns into bright greens and yellows.

I hate myself entirely
for not really taking you seriously
when you offered an embrace.
I have wished since then, so desirably
that you would ask for the fourth time.
For the past 3 times
I thought you were joking until I saw your face.

And now I guess I've missed this opportunity of just a simple hug
because now you're with her and all I can do is shrug

today i saw a thing,
something that caught my eye
i was shuffling down the sidewalk
as
c o n f u s e d
as could be,
when I saw a dull like flower
just.. staring up at me.
this flower had been abused,
fooled by its own love
it had been brutally stepped on and bruised from some careless person "above."
and you may find this funny, but maybe you'll understand
but i*  *heard  that flower

when i speak its words, i speak them for a few
some harmful things in life just don't make sense
**and i can only hope this flower's story can help you.

I play our history like a broken record.
Trying to piece together
the exact moment I let you go,
unsure of how it happened.

I miss the us we had,
our conversations and silly jokes,
long silent hugs that feels like home,
and your smile that warms my heart.

I fear too much time has passed.
It drifted us so far apart,
erasing the way back to your arms.

I want you back by my side.

I'm holding onto forlorn hope
of dreams that only involves you
and all the endless possibilities
of what we could be...