As the twilight starts its dance with the shadows,
My limbs silently break from their tin man sentencing.
Hanging from the ceiling in ornamentation,

Only to be ignored. That is,
Until everyone goes to bed.
I'm in the child's room overlooking the balcony.

Just before he goes to sleep
He lays there staring. Paralyzed.
For he knows I am alive.

As the shadows creep further
Through the windows my body
Becomes the more freer.

He thinks I can't leave my perch..
I wait until his eyes are closed.
It never takes long.

Just wait for that little pulse of his to stop galloping.

Standing in a corner
Back turn towards the light.
Focused on the rhythmic judder.
Not of the heart, or of the soul.
For what I am feels soulless.

Hands held close to my body
My breath beats back onto my face
I'm shut in so close
To the total recess of what
My life has been reduced to.

Eyes slowly open and close
While my head dips down again.
Rises up, I stare off, and down again.
Habitually poised in shame.
Always in the end left with some sardonic understanding.

Dear god, he's so sweet! Too sweet in fact.
I don't even have to be sultry, or bat my lashes with this one.
I knew I had him when I noticed his glance
As we passed each other earlier.

He's quick too! Of course, I get told all time how pretty I am,
But they all start to flush when I tell them that's not so.
He may be quick, but he's also too quick to hand out his trust.
I know better than to do that!

He so stiff sitting like that.
He'll relax the longer I lean into him.
So still.. Normally they get courageous by now.
Better be careful, I may start to like him.

I can tell he's enjoying the attention.
Seems like he's starving for it deep down
The way he talks so openly to me.
Cute.

"I've only had two or three girlfriends."
"Two or three?"
"Well, I guess one month doesn't count as a relationship."
I don't find it hard to believe this kid.

"Better be careful," He says after a pause.
With genuine curiosity I look up at him
"I'm starting to like you."
Don't think I've met a more honest guy in my **** life!

I almost melted in satisfaction, and got ever more cozy in his arms
Right after giving him a hard kiss on the cheek -just in front of his ear.
That gave him the dumbest grin I think he's ever had.
Or will ever have.

Feeling his chest rise and fall as I lay against it almost reminds me of…
He feels so strong too.. Just like..

Stop it! I'm not here to bring back stupid memories.
He may be sweet, but every guy's the same in the end.
They all wind up leaving more than marks
On your heart and on your face..

Finally pulled his arm over my shoulder- hand nearly on my breast
Just take the bait for god's sake!
This nice guy **** can only take you so far
Gonna need some action sooner than later.

Must have been two weeks since my last romp.
****, I'm so hungry..
I wish he would just take me back to his place already..
I'm starting to get bored now.

What *****! Actually leaned in
And kissed me on my cheek
Maybe this isn't a bust after all.
"Sorry." Soon escaped his lips. - Bust.

He's too innocent. Shame.
What a ******* shame!
He could've absolutely taken me
Bent me over... anything! But.. (sigh)

He's still warm though.
I can sit here for a little longer.
But sadly, I'll be sleeping in a cold bed tonight.
Tomorrow may bring someone with more promise.

Of course I love you!
I've always loved you..

Just never loved myself.

I found out just last night
As cruel clouds were rippling in from the West
And while the sun was settling down.
Hurt, once again, started to push every other feeling out of my ******* body.

So disarming.
She took my breath away
Caressing her lips against my cheek
And lacing her fingers with mine.

Was I taken for a ride?
Was I being used?
This silence I've been given audibly says yes.
My dignity has been left marred.  

To me, this is why
This is why so many women
Will never
Find a good man.

..Do not waste my ******* time..

I need some time
To spell out the words
Associated with the feelings
That are writhing within me
Carving out some story
Onto a cement wall
The dust gets into my eyes.

The walls with which make up my room
Eventually give way
To a new dimension
As I press and carve deeper
and deeper
and deeper
The story continues
Even though there is no more time
Nor space

So I must keep carving.
My room is much bigger then whence I started
I can't find the door
and the windows have collapsed
I broke out and into a new void.
What does this mean - I do not know.

Wake up to the grinding pulse of my heart
Beating erratically
Shallow breathing and tear soaked eyes
Last I remember dreaming I was laying in a pool of blood.