I can hear his heartbeat beating next to me
Thump-de-thump-de-thump-de-thump
It’s like a drum
Beating to the rhythm of life

I was 13 when I found him.

He was strong
The way he used to stand next to me
Towering, but not quite
He was a tree
A figure of authority
Show of power, confidence, poise

We weren’t the same
Everyone dubbed us ‘the couple’
He was the popular nerd
Always knew the answers to everything
Strong opinions
While I was…well
I was the wallflower
Sheltered and supported by his strong and tall roots

We were young love
A relationship built entirely on chocolate and flirting
The way you could weave your words around me
Like a warm fleece blanket
In the glistening snow
Around the hearth
His arms wrapped strongly around me
Holding me in, but never letting me fall

My hands fit perfectly in his
Always
Like puzzle pieces
Little nooks and niches resting in each other
At the end of a long day

And his eyes
They spoke of the ocean
Waves crashing back onto shore
Coming back to me every time
A clash
The way my chocolate eyes met his candy ones
And I knew that everything would be all right

I want to fall in love with
kisses in the morning, and
cuddling at night;

baking cookies on Saturday afternoons,
where I get to find flour in my hair at night;

singing new music in the car,
discussing politics over dinner.

I want to fall in love with
deep eyes, soft lips, strong arms;

movie nights, karaoke, open mics,
slow dancing, fancy dinners;

goofy inside jokes,
relentless teasing,
and a bit of friendly competition.

I want to fall in love with
outdoors summer adventures,
bright city lights over the holidays;

long walks on the beach,
nights spent under the stars.

I want to fall in love with
acceptance, tolerance, unyielding love;

forever and always,
you.

And maybe
I like the sound of rain
at night

because it means

I’m not the only one crying.

dear crush,

i hate my ability to imagine what together would be like with you and not have it now

but i know i love your eyes when you like something

and everytime you say you heard a pickup line and wanted to use it on someone i wanted you to use it on me

i love that you don’t get mad if i know something you don’t

but that there’ll always be a competitive edge in you with me

i love laying down and watching bollywood movies, thinking it could be us

and i hate thinking that i might not mean anything to you at all

i love the stories i hear about you talking about me

i hate my lack of courage to say something to you

i love to imagine what forever would be like with you

I fell

[through hugs and kisses,
arguments,
Italian takeout,
suits and dresses,
texts at 2 am,
summer karaoke nights,
missed curfews,
coffee,
****** movies,
classic '70s songs,
stairs,
health food and vegetables,
fights,
antagonism,
test scores,
spaceships,
and happiness]

in love.

He's cute.
His soul is beautiful, despite every imperfection, forcing me to crave the moments he opens up and takes me into it.

He has gorgeous brown eyes.
Under a layer of determination, arrogance and confidence, his eyes tell the story of rejection and self doubt. They are strong. They tell a story.

Messy hair, don’t care.
I’ve never known someone who could care less and seem so beautiful for it. Captivation without trying shows the true person.

His hands are strong.**
Yet for every twisted weakness within, I can melt in his arms. I wish I could stay there forever.

“That’ll be $58.16”

The delivery man waited patiently,
      hands outstretched for our money,
but tonight, the only other thing we
      had was our young love.

Tonight was magic.

Broken fingers,
      Fortune cookies,
You in your sky blue Dr. Seuss shirt,

      and me shivering in the
sub-zero space between the
hotel lobby and your heart.

But no, tonight we were sophisticated.

Tonight was love.

Nerdy couples,
      a fake dance floor,
no room for any of us,
      let alone our love;

me teaching you how to Wobble,
you falling all over the place,

but I still remember the way you
smiled at me.

Tonight was serenity.

Long lines to get water,
      aching feet,
            glitzy strobe lights,
                  cheesy music,

John Legend,
All of Me, of course.

Room keys that got us nowhere,
except maybe my heart,

and phones that died all too quickly,
just like the night did.

Tonight we were rebellion.

We danced all night,
      rushing blood in shaky palms,

Not Coke,
but Dr. Pepper in our cups,

it was just you and me, in
this dizzy world of
      hot pink and aqua blue disco lights,

I knew that if I fell, you would catch me,

      and no matter how strong I felt,
you still pulled me in
      and held me close,

because tonight we didn't care what others thought.

Tonight we were together.

Hands and hearts entwined like leaves on a bush,
      young, awkward, naive brushes,

the classic teen nerd couple.

Just for the night at least.

Because even if you could hold me in your hands,
I’d never be the one in your heart.