it’s funny how they said
you need someone to complete you
and i spent so much time
looking for the light in another
and neglecting my own
not even realizing
that darkness only attracts more darkness
and hatred only begets more hate
and they said listen up,
you’re a douhghnut
you’ve got this massive hole inside you
and okay, maybe not a doughnut because
it wouldn’t be a doughnut without a hole
but maybe a cream puff or a pie crust
or something that needs filling
so i went everywhere
looking for a special kind of light to fill me
forgetting that i had my own
and it is like the color purple
looking for more of itself
and not realizing that
you could not be more purple
even if you tried
and what could someone just as full
of the same darkness and light ever give you
that you could not give yourself?
you are not an opposite
your existence does not depend on one needing the other
darkness needs light
and lightness needs dark
but you contain both, and everything and nothing
and there isn’t a single thing in this universe
that could make you whole
other than you coming back home to yourself

when the moon rose high in the sky
like a white tiger ready to pounce
he said breathe
and when the sun peeked out behind grey clouds
like something hot and new and immortal
still he said, just breathe
and when the rain came and swept everything away
including the white pearls
picked from oysters falling in love
still he whispered,
just breathe,
the moon is not what you think
and the sun can bear more than you know
and the rain
will bring everything to you
when the river is ready to flow

if you don’t like what you see
in the reflection—
it’s okay
just step through the
looking glass instead
to a place where
none of that matters

at 2 am
i am more myself
than anything:
a butterfly
with kaleidoscope wings
and a tiara
made of teeth and bones
held together with honey,
crowning me
the queen of myself
and all the lands
i had to cross
to get here.

after a while
trying no longer feels
like the new black
so you fade off
into a distance whose color
you won’t recognize
until you get there
and along the way
you play a guessing game
where you place the cool side
of blue rain
yellow sun
and red poppies
to the flat of your palm
and then you press that
to your heart
and you wait until
something
anything
lights up inside you
like christmas lights

i do not need
a man
i only need
the wandering light
of the world
that has touched
every rosebud
that has burst to life
and lived to tell the tale
of the traveling light

there is a room
of light
that even blinds the sun
and when you sit down
it is the silence
that speaks louder
than any dance
or boardroom meeting
and the windows
are not even windows
but eyes also
blinded by the light
and all four corners
of this room
are birds ready to take flight