I watch as she break in the corner of my eyes
While I endulge myself in the company that others bring

She took a few breaths, picked up the pieces
And she sew her tattered heart with iron strings

He liked me first, but that doesn't matter.
He loved me after that, but that doesn't matter either.
His feelings don't matter -
I told him that.
And ever since August, I told him it was better
if we both, reluctantly, stopped talking to each other.

But how do you scare your only hope away?
How do you tell the person who tells you that you're beautiful that it's not right for him to stay?

So I told him this, and I told him a lot more.
I made sure he heard me as I locked the door.

But he pursued me, quite relentlessly
And did all the things boys in love do.
He hugged me, complimented me,
assured I was capable of loving people too.

And I told him that he doesn't get it.

So now I'm sitting in this suffocating room,
I'm looking at the boy whose heart I mercilessly broke.
I think about how the words between us vanished into silence.
And I wonder if it's worth repeating -
That his feelings don't matter,
because if I can't love myself
I can never love him either.

Home is not a place for me
It's not where I have grown
Home is waiting patiently,
somewhere yet unknown

I'm taking my life. to the pawnshop on a dusty summer-fall morning
     Because at this point I'm not sure what to use it for anymore
               And they'll give me cash for trash
   Like a mountain of crushed cans in exchange for a dream money can buy in a clear plastic baggie

It's unfortunate
That you had to die
Even more so
Because it was me who
Had held the knife

******, you cried
******, so perfect
The way you screamed
When your stomach
Was exposed

Your heart was racing
In a fear unspoken
Your breathing was slim,
For your lungs would not open

Blood paints the walls
And I take a taste
Someday maybe I
Will share the same fate
Welcoming death's
Eternal embrace