I can hear my steady breaths
Synchronised with the whirring of the fan.
My fingers tap the edge of the table in a rhythmic pattern
Tap, Tap, Tap,Tapa, Tap, tap.
My ears are finely tuned, eager to hear the crack of of the door as it swings open
To hear your rapid footsteps as you traipse in to greet me once more.
I showed up on time with a handful of flowers and an eager heart.

* 2 hours later

My palms swear profusely
As I pace nervously from one end of the room to another,
Tak, tak, taka, tak, tak.
The heels of my shoes click repeatedly against the wooden floor
As I sit and stand and walk and pace and move and race and STOP.

6 hours later *
I wait and wait and wait some more
My head is throbbing and my eyes are dull
My makeup has come off and my hair is undone.
But,my breath is steady again
And my fingers are still.
I trudge and linger and stall and sigh
The door creaks open and I walk out, head held high
Memories now forgotten, but my pride is intact and the flowers are rotten.

Adored you from afar,lacked the courage to talk to you.
For someone who claims to be so confident, you made me weak.
My only weakness, my Achilles heel,
Dearth of you would make me scream.
Scream out loud,loud, LOUD.
My mother told me love hurts but she never told me that it makes you breathless,
Gasping for breath as I realize that my love is not just my love,
My love is my reason, my reason to live.
My reason to live, you get me through the dark days.
The dark days turn to dark nights that terrify me,
You're my beacon of light, my lighthouse.
This ship lost its way and the captain has give up,
The sailors are missing and the waves are ruthless.
Ruthless, ruthless, I take the blows.
That's only because I fall back onto you.
My wall, my security blanket, my therapeutic ice cream.
If you were ice cream ,you'd be vanilla,
I'd be chocolate because chocolate is nothing without vanilla.

I know right now your heart is broken,
The days are never ending and you're feel like you are.
I know that sometimes, it's hard to breathe,
Sometimes letting it all go away is not too far.
Your head hurts and your heart aches,
There is this heaviness that is weighing you down.
Somedays are so long that you wonder what made you like this,
You curse, you cry, you scream, you sit in silence.
Silence was usually comforting but now it allows the darkness to seep in slowly.

I know you're hurting,  I know you're bending.
But don't break, honey.
Things may hurt you, scar you, bruise you,
But don't let them break you.
You're worthy of all the happiness in this world.
Somedays, you might just exist and just existing is fine,
Don't break honey.
I promise you, it gets better.

I think of you in words that don't mean anything.
I think of you in places that don't exist.
To believe in reality is hard because reality is brazen and I've always been meek.

I see you in all the faces I see,
Some have eyes like yours,  some have your hair.
Nobody has a smile like yours,
A perfect melange of shyness and mischief topped with genuineness beyond compare.

I hear you in all the voices I hear,
They all talk like you yet they don't.
They don't make sense to me,
Your voice made me feel like home.

I catch your fragrance when someone passes by,
That enticing smell of cigarettes and cologne.
Now she smells it everytime she hugs you,
It fills her head with euphoria and inexplicable bliss.

I paint myself blue to remind me of your melancholy;
White to remind me of your smile,so holy.

I paint myself green to represent your calmness;
Yellow to represent your charm.
Pink for the times I knew I loved you,nothing more nothing less;
Purple for the endless times I desired to cup your face in my palm.

I paint myself blue to remind me of your melancholy;
White to remind me of your smile,so holy.


I paint myself red to symbolize your anger;
Orange to symbolize your madness.
Brown for your eyes full of danger;
Black for your soul spilling with grief and sadness.

I paint myself blue to remind me of your melancholy;
White to remind me of your smile,so holy.


I scrub myself to wash your scent off of me;
I mix all the colours until they form one colour.
I wash it all off until my brown skin is all I can see;
I may have lost you but I can see myself clearer.