Dear ex, you used to tell me I was a liar.
The truth hit stop signs on the tip of my tounge.

Dear ex, i found someone who took my seeds that you starved.
And within the technicolour blooms that now florish.

I found truth.

The Only lie I ever told, was I love you!

I stopped waiting by the phone
I stopped pressing my glass to the wall
straining for vicarious sound
I stopped waiting for distraction
to prevent me getting bored

I am alone
I am alone
but feel loneliness
only when I feel I ought to
The rest of the time
it is music
or the silence in between

I stopped pacing the floor
as if movement meant
I was doing something

I stopped looking for love
as if desire were the same
as feeling something for someone

As if holding out for change
was as good as holding a person
as if sleeping alone
caused dreams without reason
as if snatches of warmth
gave purpose to the seasons

I stopped collecting forget-me-nots
I stopped bleeding out my liberal heart
every time there was suffering
or hate in the spaces where
love should have been

I stopped waiting for someone
to doctor the still
where sorrow pervaded
the canned laughter of living

I stopped looking for someone
it was only then
I could start forgiving

When I was young I was told not to swallow seeds.
For a great tree would lay roots in my stomach and grow out my head.
boys were told to sow them, lay their wild oats.
I never read between the lines, never knew I was the field to be ploughed.

So on a cold winter's morning, you forced your seed deep inside me.
Its roots grew through my feet, parasitic branches curled around my mind.
Gorged on my sanity, ****** the self-worth from my bones.
In the desolate emptiness, hollow and alone, no flowers grow in this empty winter that has captured me.

every word is a privilege to speak, and what a time to be alive!
After millennia of grunts and babble, language forming nonsense.
I am here, with a twisting tongue and dancing lips and a belly full of words!
Entwined in my fingers are yours, sending all the words out of my mouth at the same time.
Like a dam that's breaking, like a balloon that's bursting, until language forming nonsense comes babbling out.

I haven't evolved yet to love you like I do.
An octopus has three hearts, and my measly one is trying too hold more volume than an octopus could carry with 8!

So, when I Say I love you I mean it!
When I'm being pedantic, be patient.
Remember, language has not yet evolved to tell you how much I love you.

My body rotting from day one.
Death a guest star at every birthday.

There is no day dark enough that my heart shall close.
No storm great enough to keep my head under water.
The collosoal tide of time must always nip at my heels.
But my legs will carry me until weight they can bare no more.
I expose my gashed soul to the world because internal infections are hardest to heal.
Flowing crimson red, my fragility, my weakness.
These i offer to you as lessons.
Lessons in my strength and the insidious power that i keep secret.
Behind my teeth, a blossoming garden of bullets dressed like flowers.
My hands, lashing, thorned vines, alluring beauty and a deadly mind!