You were
every song I've kept on repeat
while on long drives

You were
the story I told when I taught
people, true love never dies

You were
the sun behind the rain cloud
outside you'd watch me dance

You were
my waking thoughts, night time
nostalgia, and happily ever after trance

You were
my favourite pair of shoes
*but one day you wouldn't fit

You became
the chair yanked beneath me
when I went to sit

When your song plays on the radio
I have to change the station

Your story's no longer about love;
but the consequence of temptation

You used to be the sun
you're not even the rain
you've become no more than
Arthritis pain

The memory, a living nightmare
your words, a sharp scream
this hurt that will forever haunt me
all started with


*A dream

It takes
15 seconds to fall in lust
30 seconds to fall in love
2 seconds to fall on your face
And forever to fix a broken heart

Darling, the years have flown
around the earth and back...

And I still don't know what we are

She destroyed herself
Too many thoughts*
She fell apart
Too many little pieces
She fell in love
Too many little feelings
She discovered herself
Too many little stars
She believed
Too many little moments


And
         In
              The
                     End


She was home
Too many little things
That reminded her
of  *herself

There are moments in the day
          When we are tired
          And we are done

Baby girls become the mommy
          There was no time
          To be young

This doesn't grant us complaining rights
          But geez, give us a break
          Sleep deprived
          Night after night

Life keeps us awake

Momma was born a hip hop head
She'd whisper beats and rhymes to me right before bed
She gave me my words when i was four
from then on i thought i needed nothing more
And for as long as i could remember
or at least since the 24th of September
She spited dad
promised me she'd always give me all that she had
Wasn't long until she broke it
2 years since we've spoken
but we manage
Momma checked out
left me and my siblings behind
left me alone to make sense of the world with half of her mind
And so here i am now
ripped from my bed
An old beat drew me to write about the love that's dead
12:39 am

Momma was born a hip hop head
She'd whisper beats and rhymes in my ear right before bed
We played dress up every day
she'd do my hair up real nice
when daddy had the good dough
mamma partied dripping in ice.
and even when the jackets were too heavy
and my braided head too tight
as long as I made mamma look good,
I was doin' alright.
How can I blame her
I only know pieces to her story
there were whole other lives
a long time before me
and to this, I owe her credit
not every day was a dog day
even when I didn't know what to say
I mean she gave me my words when I was four
it made life a little easier when raising the children she bore
And for as long as I could remember
or at least since the 24th of September
She spited dad
promised me she'd always give me all that she had
Wasn't long until she broke it
2 years since we've spoken
but we manage
Momma checked out
left me and my siblings behind
left me alone to make sense of the world with half of her mind
And so here I am now
ripped from my bed
An old beat drew me to write about the love that's dead
12:39 am

April showers bring you flowers
But today there's only snow
It isn't winter
It isn't spring
'Tis a season left unknown

Outside the window is like myself
Unpredictable yet tamed

Some things are more appreciated
When they cannot be explained

(dedicated to my ride or die)
I'm never that far
No matter where you are
Believe it we can make it come true

We'll do it our way
No matter what they say
'cause no one's gonna do it for you

But I
I'll never say never
as long as we'll keep it together

If you're living a dream
and you know what it means
Then you can't let them change your mind

It's the life that we choose
and we still break the rules
but it's all gonna be just fine
yeah we're all gonna be just fine

You and me are gonna be just fine
-S&C

It's all lies
Don't you dare tell me different
I'm here asking you what's the matter
Yet you complaining no one will listen

When I ask you how you is
"I'm Ok"  isn't sufficient
I can see you deteriorating
Cut the **** be explicit

Tell me what words hurt you
And whose mouths caused the pain
I know you know they didn't mean it
But the burn will still remain

Was it your man that ain't your man
Or was it that girl who doesn't have to try
Don't keep telling me they mean nothing
I see the tears behind your eyes

It's okay to have feelings
I'm in them all the time
I feel heavy if I don't express em
Baby, why you think I rhyme

Tell me what it is girl
Tell me what it ain't
Tell me how you feel girl
'cause I know you ain't "ok"

You've betrayed the girl with a heavy hatred for change

Selfless?

Maybe.

Forcefully brave?

Since birth.

Broken?

Beyond repair.

Growing up, my grandmother always tried to hold me back from the girl I thought was my best friend.
Her name was Society.
My grandmother made it very clear that I was not to associate with Society and so that is what I did
for a while.
By the age of 7 I had an impressively large entourage of friends, whose parents also steered clear from Society.
We watched movies, made hot chocolate and talked about our hopes and dreams.
However just because the light burns bright, doesn't mean it's going to burn forever.
By the time I was 11 our coterie had fallen through.
The more we grew, the less we would hear our parents.
11 years young, and completely detached.
All my friends were now strangers.
Society was the only one I had left.
I always desired to be equals with her.
I tried so hard until there wasn't any ME anymore.
I was caught in between fitting in with the world and becoming estranged from myself
Society dug up every last seed that all sane adults plant into their children.
Mum raised me to believe that every inch, every atom and every molecule inside of me was worthy of love.
Society had taught me to pinch and pull at my body, accusing every bump, every scar and every imperfection for being some of the many reasons I was alone.
Society led me to rip every mirror off of the walls of my life.
"You don't wanna see that" She would whisper.
She was wrong until she was right.
For every 1 thing I found to love in the reflection,
Society would find 3 things to hate.
Society had taken the sparkle from my eyes because the other girls couldn't see past the glare.
Society silenced the protest in my gut because there weren't enough people on my side
but as I moved on to better people
I realized she was all a sham

Yes. Valentine's Day is just like any other day
No. it does not make it any less special
I will not look at the couples and curse their PDA
I will see the chocolate and flowers and smile
I will not roll my eyes at the teddy bears for sale sign
I may even third wheel for a while

Today is meant to recognize happiness in pairs
Not to degrade national singles because who really cares?

I don't need a man to keep me busy- I mean happy
I don't need chocolates to feel loved
It's beautiful to have someone beside you
But my best friend is already enough
when you see me without my flowers
I plan on picking my own
Don't judge my date with Netflix
Because if you love yourself enough
You'll almost never feel alone

Snakes no longer hiss anymore
They greet you with a smile
and call you by your first name.
They say they love you and
They congratulate your successes
They hand you tissues while you cry
And if you're real unlucky...
the biggest snakes you've met
Are family

I never expected to be hit with the
"Who are you?"
While filling out a job application
for a Lush Cosmetics  department store
Seriously though,who am I?
I mean, I'm just Alyssa
Alyssa is just too
human

You know, the type to complain about the sea of heart broken poets while browsing on poetry sites

But for some reason finds herself ranting about all the oblivious people on instagram, whose most traumatic experience was probably a paper cut

She's a weakling compared to the elders at home

Yet sick of the "how do you do it" remarks from colleagues and friends

She isolates herself inside her house and she can feel the crushing sensation named depression

But after lunch with Devon, she begins to fantasize about how her eyes light up when she hears that sound from the heavens;
DING ****
Hot digitty dog it's uber eats!
She'll never have to leave her house for McDonald's ever again!

She has no idea what she's doing with her life, and sometimes wishes someone could just come to her rescue
But god forbid you attack her ego by bringing up her goals and achievements

Best believe she will make you fall in love- trust me she loved you too (at some point)
But her favourite things about you slowly became the things she cringed the most at
You're laugh was cute and ***** but now for some reason
she refrains from telling you jokes

She's constantly changing
Not because she's unhappy with who she is
She has yet to finish creating Alyssa  with each passing day

You get what you give
And you give what you get
We curse all that is wicked
Yet we are our own threat

Feel the world inside you
We shape our every day
Better your intentions
And watch what you say

Karmas a *****
But at least she plays fair
The universe is in you
Beyond your mask

Bare.

I saw your face in a crowded place
The rest were just shadows and a blur

Your head carried high
Your wandering eyes
Strangers lips no longer smile
But when I look closely yours were

**DRAFT

You're either lovesick or lonely
I don't know which ones worse

Give me peace in mind
To prepare for newer days

Give me a little challenge
Not to change,
But strengthen ways

Give me some respect
And I'll return you the favour

Give me a little time
And one day I will no longer
Hate her

But I everything I ask,
as simple as it may be

It will never be handed over
Because nothing is for free

When I have next to nothing
You won't hear me complain

I help others, praying
Others will soon do the same

This world unkind
Yet we write our own destiny

So I keep my strong smile
Because happiness is ahead of me

"I'm sick of saying he wasn't mine
Because indeed he was
I know about the other girls, but
I know he loves me because..."

He loves you? He  loves  you?
The man barely remembers your name

"Yeah, but he needs me
He needs-"

Are you blind or do you just like
playing his games?!?!

If you were to lock the door to your
bedroom, you'd never see him again!
You'll let him leave with everything.
What for? What then?

"Despite all your warnings, dear. I'll
have to let him take it. Just know I was already
nothing, dear. This case...It's fake it till you break it."

The sky was white and the air was cold
he willingly gave me his hand to hold

we've known each other for years; man time flies
I still get queasy when I stare into his eyes

I matured fast; now an old soul
he's my better half and makes me feel whole

If I trip he's there to break my fall
when I'm in a jam he's the first person I call

I've let him go so many times
but in the crowds, it's me he finds

he knows when I 'm ****** or dying inside
in each other we're not scared to confide

whispers in my ears so softly blown
his soothing voice on the phone

kisses on my neck are sweet

I cherish our hugs goodbye or when we meet

its the little things that keep me stuck
you found me and it]s more than luck

other guys aren't worth my time
I'm so glad I can call you mine

-Alyssa De Marzo

Someone please take my pen
Teach me to become numb
I wouldn't need my ink
If I could stop caring for everyone

I don't want to want to write
I hate relying on cheap lined paper
Pain should be ugly
I was told life's a lady and
I should love her

Burn each of my notebooks
Rip out every page
Numb my every feeling
Put my heart back in his cage

I'll stay off the poetry sites
I'll be lost with not in words
Love will be beautiful again
And crows will be nothing but birds