But the light
That beams
Is a beacon
In your eyes.


-- Eleanor

when will it be over
this arbitrary struggle
and longing to belong
still to distinguish
oneself from the rubble
of a crumbling world?

putting out a half-smoked cigarette
think to cut the cord
curling up in blue sheets
think to make it stop

a love was torn from me
merciless nonchalance

i am that rock
falling still identical
the rubble of a crumbling world

The heart can heal all.
That's why we fear
Opening it up
For a fickle other.
We can lose our
Best chance at
Self-defense.

I don't fear
The break,
So I send mine
On a plate.
Recipients are
Used to games.
I am, however,
Fiercely straight-forward,
With self-confidence
Coated in
Uncertainty. Vanity. Candy.
Recipients simply run from me.

This is why I focus on me,
Expired of all of my romances.
Thankful Universe gave us chances
To quickly flee the scene
Before the heart dances.
Lonesome creatures are courageous.

I imagine myself
A few gentle decades older.
Finally grasping the cusp
Of success.
Living in my own apartment
In New York City, nonetheless.
Wearing an Armani coat
(Whatever those look like.)
Walking idly yet prestigiously
Through winter in the city.
Taking care not to laugh too loud,
Talk to myself, smile too much.
A small, attractive female
Has to be serious to get ahead.
Customers will buy from a happy girl
Only if she is early 20's, at most.
That is Marketing 101.
I am a small fish in a large sea;
The principles of Darwinism
Still apply to me.
I've learned long ago to succeed,
I must stifle the welcoming smile.
So along the familiar concrete
I stride,
Carefully manicured hands
In pockets.
The Filipinos know better
Than to rush on the hands
Of a businesswoman caressing
A successful career.
She tips well and lives well.
I walk along with cool calm
And feminine grace.
I have regained the safety
To be feminine once again.
The criminals know better
Than to infiltrate
The Business district
And cause trouble
To working professionals
In Armani coats.
I imagine myself a few decades older.
Kissing snowflakes unenthusiastically.
Yes, I marvel in poetry, in Nature,
But I have matured
Much like the snowflakes themselves.
At the end of a cycle,
No matter how beautiful.
My actions flow gracefully and delicately.
I melt into New York City
Like a cell in a body.
Pumping fuel into the *****
To sustain the mass.
A tumor.
I smile subtly as I slosh along.
I recall, once upon a time,
On my lower-class youth.
***** jokes, crude dancing,
And cluttered apartments.
I approach the high-rise building
I call home and greet the doorman
With the obligatory disregard
For his innermost being.
Poetry truly is in the strangest of places.
Even in an enigma like me.
I enter the marble floors,
Wiping my feet,
My rent as sky-high as
The building itself.
Elevator. Comforting motion sickness.
This is success.
The pit of my stomach sinks.
I tell myself it's the motion sickness.
I return to my apartment,
With its symmetrical details.
My thoughts return to you.
You've never stepped foot in my home,
But you've always been here with me.
I get dinner started.
I set out the extra glass, like always.
Rituals like these serve
As my Sunday mass.
I drink your glass with my evening medication.
Dare I say like always?

Hey,
How are you?
I hope you are doing fine
but if you are not fine
here's a message for you.

I want you to know,
You cannot please everyone in this world
even you did something good,
something that helps the society
something that helps you,yourself
something that help your friends

There will be people unsatisfied with your actions
they'll haunt you with criticism
they'll compare you to someone better
they'll barge into your life
and bring you down

No matter how good you are
how kind you are
how talented you are
how much you wanted to be you
be yourself completely
You will never,ever
get to please every single one
in our society

I want you to know,
that I want you,
to be yourself.
Be YOU

Whether you are
straight,
gay,
bisexual,
transgender ,
queer,
love yourself.

Do what you love,
Do what you enjoy,
as long it can please you,
satisfy your day,
you are happy,
it'll make me happy.

I want you to know,
you have friends and family,
that'll always be by your side
they will help you through
the ups&down; in life.

Ignore what other people say about you
Do not let them pull you down
Be strong,
fight back,
move forward,
Care about what you think,
not what others think of you.

I hope you'll soon be fine,
I've been there,
I know how it feels.

My final message for you,
is to be you.