I doubt you still care to read my ****** writings, but if you do I think that's a sign you're still here. Last night you hurt me in a way I never thought to be possible.  But I still don't think you meant what you said, i swore it wasn't you talking. The words you said cut so **** deep that I wish I was exaggerating when I said I'm still bleeding.  I wish I wished to hate you for breaking my heart, but I can't.  I know I'm young dumb and in love, but I also know my heart hasn't stopped pounding since I met you. And I know that sometimes love makes you feel crazy so I'm hoping your words last night were a form of grieving. I hope you come running back to me. Please, never doubt that my arms will be open.  My arms are always open for you and I promise I will hold you close. I will keep you warm and dry your eyes

My forever love, please, listen... You are so ******* beautiful.  It's no coincidence all the constellations spell out your name.  Cliches seem to be all I know anymore, but I have always thought we were more than a cliche.  Maybe that's a cliche in itself.  I'm not sure.  Maybe I'm blind, but all I know is I was writing to you until 3 AM and that's all I've been doing since I woke up at 8.  It's 11:11 and we both know my wish.  I wonder if you have made any.  You know I'm all about my signs and I can't help but tell you I've not missed one 11:11 since you left. I think the universe wants you back here, too

Darling, remember we were enough.  Remember the days where everything went wrong, but we were always right.  Or how we would go out knowing the entire time we couldn't wait to be back in bed next to each other.  Remember this night, last year, when we drove home from Chicago.  Remember how we got off the highway so we could pull over because we couldn't keep our hands off each other. I remember how gratifying it felt waking up everyday knowing you loved me. Remember the nights of endless binging and soul calibur. Before we met, remember how we talked hours on end, everyday. Not once has there been a dull moment between us.  Remember the shows we started and finished. Or how every movie we wanted to see, we waited to watch together. Remember the night you picked me up and danced with me in the kitchen. Remember how there was never a world outside of us...

Lover, my hands were created to be laced around your neck.  My body is your home and it's crying for you to come inside. My lips are cracked and I can't stop biting off the dead skin that once was kissed by you. And every night I wrap around my pillow hoping somehow it will turn into you. I know how hard love can be. Sometimes it feels as if we're a puzzle scattered throughout the house. But I promise we will find every piece and the end will be beautiful. Please do not forget that. The sun always rises and just as it sets, the moon appears. They say to live by the sun and feel by the moon, but like us, they work together. And today it's cloudy. And I know you're hurting but we are always in this together

In another universe we don't meet.  I go away to college and you got your wish of 20 years in the military.  Or the one where we meet at a party and are too drunk to care about the other's presence.  What I'm getting at is there are countless versions of ourselves that could have made different choices.  We both had endless opportunities to take a different path every single day, but for some reason we played our cards right and our paths intertwined.  I know my heart hurts now but I can't imagine how it would feel if no version of myself ever met you.  Try to convince me that we weren't built to fulfill all that we are missing.  Kinda like the sun always rises and as it starts to set, the moon never fails to take over.   I know that some days we seem like a puzzle scattered throughout the house, but please remember the beautiful picture we will create in the end. I promise we will find each piece and put it where it belongs.  And all the effort will be worth it.  Please, just wait and see.  My love, we are made up of the exact love, each of us needs

I miss your lips and arms around me. My love, it's my heart, it hurts. Darling, pick up the phone and tell me to come home

Everyone is exciting at first.  New attention.  New flirting. Love is what comes after the excitement.  After the giddiness and nervousness.  The hurt.  The overflow of unexplained emotions constantly pouring out.  And being in love is what makes you stay.  Being in love is the voice you hear in the back of your head, during an argument, telling you to calm down.  Be more empathetic, listen.  Being in love is knowing there will be storms, but knowing your love will remain safe.  It's whispering, "I love you" in your sleep.  It's finding comfort in another person and feeling safe with them.  The invincibility.  That's a word I always used to describe us.  We thought we would last forever and now I'm left here begging you to let me come over.  Being in love is wondering how your exams go.  It's pushing you to study instead of binge watching netflix.  Love is easy.  Being in love is what's hard.  You can love 1000 people throughout your life, all for different reasons.  But being in love, having a person that feels like home, that is rare.  You don't wake up and decide you are in love.  You decide you're in love when you first see their flaws.  Their emotional baggage.  And you choose to stay.  It is always seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  It's praying, no, pleading to someone you hope is real in hopes that they can bring the other person back.  Being in love takes patience. Forgiveness.  Selflessness.  It's wanting the last piece of pizza, but offering it to them because you know they haven't ate today.  It's making memories on a silly car ride. It's being strong for the other person because they need you.  In time, you will need them to do this for you.  It's finding other people attractive and leaving it at that.  There are no desires to pursue anything.  Being in love is all about being yourself, unapologetically, and being loved for all the things you are.  It's about loving a person for who they are and not what they are not.  Being in love is knowing you can live without this person, but wondering you would ever want or need to.  And darling, if you couldn't tell, I am madly in love with you

If you're reading this please tell me the door is unlocked

I don't think there has been one moment where I don't miss him. I'm constantly wondering why he won't come back even though I should be wondering why I'm still here. And I often wonder if there is anything I could have done to make him stay.  

I remember this exact day last year and god, what I wouldn't do to go back..... We were getting ready to take our first little trip together and oh, was it memorable. We have always been messy and gone with the flow, but I still don't think this is how things are supposed to be. He would hold my hand everywhere we went and all I could think about was how proud I was to be loved by him. How proud I was of him being proud to call me his. He would love me on my worst days. My ugliest days. The days I couldn't bare to love myself. And I would love him the same. And still, I love him the same.

We used to argue on who loved who more, but this was an argument I didn't want to win. I did anyways. I loved him so much more that I let him crush me and begged him time and time again to fix me. I still am begging him to. I have always said it will always be him and my entire heart wishes this wasn't true. And I hate that he still isn't here but what I hate even more is that I still wish for him to come back. I am longing to feel safe, in his arms, again. I wonder if that day will ever come

I can never sleep anymore. I've been tossing and turning the past hour trying to close my eyes for just a little longer. He said it's always me but that's not the only lie he's told me. He claims it's not about them, but they are all he is about anymore. And maybe he doesn't see it now but he will always be comparing them to me. I will be in his every thought while he ***** that girl in that apartment we made home. He will compare her to me throughout every conversation. He's hurting and I don't blame him for searching for these distractions. All I know is I'm trying to stop missing him. I don't want to see him everywhere and remember the laughs we shared.  I'm ready to wake up and be excited for the day, rather than dreading it. I'm ready to stop waking up thinking today will be the day he asks me to come home. I'm ready for my heart to stop breaking all over again every single day. I'm ready to accept that he was a part of my past, but will no longer hold a place in my future. And one day I will find someone who makes this pain worth it. He will love me and all that I am, even when we get on each other's nerves. He will love me unconditionally. He will always choose me, despite the circumstances. Like he should have done

Today, I have decided to move on.

Everyday, I have sworn that I have missed you the most. But today, today was different. Today, I missed you the most. I can't quite put into words how I have felt. I will say that I'm sitting on that country road behind my house, fighting the urge to drive straight to you. All I want is to come knocking on that glass door just to see you've had it unlocked all along, waiting for me.  But I know the door is locked with the stick in it. I know it would remain that way. Today, I drove down this country road and remembered how dark it was that night you needed me. Today, I looked at the moon and gasped. And I thought of how you used to smile when I would do that. Today, I felt you. I felt you at the reservoir when I was scared to walk back to my car, alone in the dark. I felt you driving down that first road I take to your place and for a minute, I was happy. I remember always being so excited to finally be back home with you. Today, I tried on a dress I knew you'd love. I loved it too, I just know you REALLY would.  Today I watched a movie on Netflix and I couldn't help but be so upset that you weren't there. I should have been watching it with you. Yesterday, I couldn't feel your touch. Today, I feel it everywhere

Hopelessly in love with my EX

yes I got home safe...no, this time I didn't need to talk to anybody on my way home. But I missed you the most today. Today, I haven't been able to feel you. I can feel my heart aching but I can't feel the way I felt that day. I'm too high for this. Does it make sense though? For example: I can't imagine what it feels like to sit beside you so happy and content laying around together in silence. I can't imagine how it feels to not have to worry about you leaving. Or how it feels believing in us, promising we will last forever. It's always us. But now it's not. Now it's me. And you're who knows where, doing who knows what, talking to who knows who.

You always swore I was the one for you. You promised there was nobody prettier or sweeter, although we both know that was never true. You didn't waste anytime finding those girls again after you left me. And I'm not sure what hurts worse. The fact that you left me and are giving your attention to irrelevant *******, or that you left me and you'd rather try to fill the void by staring at their beauty, opposed to just making things right with me. You can **** anyone and give your attention to anyone. But love is different. Random hookups have nothing on ******* your lover. Love is always feeling complete, whether you're talking at the moment or not. Lust makes you talk to a million ******* at once and still feel nothing. Don't you see? Don't you see we've had our entire lives to **** around? Love is supposed to make you stay. Love should make you choose me always, undoubtedly. Were you thinking of them while falling asleep next to me? When weighing out the pros and cons of us, tell me, was getting attention from countless girls a pro? I can't help but wonder what all really goes through your head. I know that you loved me, and I genuinely believe you loved us. But if I meant to you, what you mean to me, you'd still be here. You'd have chosen me, despite the circumstances. Just as I have chosen you. Just as I would still choose you

I always knew there were prettier girls than me but I never thought you'd leave me for them

There is nothing worse than knowing because you lack my affection,
You search for it through all those ******* who mean nothing
You want someone to take the pain away
Or make you forget how special I made you feel
But,
That's just it
How special I made you feel,
As a person
Not just a compliment on your photo
Or a million likes just to catch your attention
You can **** anyone
But we had so much more than that
Love,
Companionship
Love.....
And I'd take love over a **** anyday
It's sad that you search for solace
In the same exact ******* you did before me
When really,
You should be fighting to make it right
With me

I made you love...

I will never forget the way it feels to rest my head on your shoulder. Or what it feels like to rub my hands through your beard. I wish I would have kissed you goodnight harder. I wish I would have stayed up all night kissing your face and wrapping our bodies together. At the end of the day it's all about how empty I feel when you're not beside me.  Small things mean the most which is why I always tell the story of that one time you just grabbed my face and kissed me. Or the countless times you'd say, "shmile shmalls" until I finally did. I don't know if I'll ever find someone as special as you, but if I do, I hope he chooses to stay. With you, I got so very lucky. Having you as my best friend and my love. Only bad part is- now you're gone. And it's just me

If given the chance, there are so many things I would do differently. Firstly, I wouldn't make you my entire life. I would realize the importance of balance. I would realize the crucial need for alone time, friend time and you time. I would get my own apartment and create a life. Aside from solely living in yours. Secondly, I wouldn't let my feelings be hurt every single time something didn't go my way. I wouldnt let silly things have any importance or validation to me. Thirdly, I would accept the silence needed after an argument. I wouldn't try and make you feel guilty for still being angry. Your feelings are valid, too. Lastly, I wouldn't feel the need to be included in everything. This goes back to balance. I'm sorry it took you walking away for me to realize these things. I'm sorry it's too late

This week has been hard. Today is harder

Wherever you are, this is how much I miss you. I can't keep myself busy enough to get you off my mind. I can't convince myself there's really anyone for me, aside from you. Despite how hard I try to see that differently. Maybe you do want other people now.... And though that kills me, maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it'll show you how special we are together. At first, new things are always fun. But nothing beats true love. Which is why nobody could ever take your place. You give me all I want and so much more. You give me love, happiness, friendship. Comfortability. And I miss you so badly that I know there's no way you could miss me half as much. I don't think about anyone, I think about you. You have always been the one for me. If all I end up being to you is a faint memory, please remember that. Please remember that from the day we met, I have never given up on us. Not even when you have given up on me. Remember how I spelled "I love you" on your back because I was too scared to say it so soon. Remember how you told me that night, you loved me. I never ended up canceling our Valentine's Day reservations, so if you want, let's go. Let's forget this past week and be warm again.

I don't think about men anymore, I think about you

When I woke up my necklace was all tangled around my tank top. I miss when you were there to help me fix it. When I went to sleep, after many countless hours were spent tossing and turning, I wrapped my legs around a pillow and pretended it was you. My feet never warmed up like they would have on your back. When I went to make breakfast, I accidentally made 7 eggs instead of 2. Because I know you always want 5.  Walking out the door doesn't feel the same without you there to hug and kiss, while telling me to have a good day. Knowing I'll come home to an empty house, instead of coming home to you, makes the days go by even longer. When I go to the store today, I know I'll stop in the Powerade aisle just for you. I wonder when these habits will stop. You are everywhere, even though I haven't seen you in days. I miss you. Come home.

I hope she's a better lover than I, whoever that may be...

******* **** it's really oveeeer forever:(

I know this won't change anything but I'm still here. My arms are still open and you're still holding my heart. I still have yours, too. And I swear it's not too late to make things right. I swear I'm still craving to come home. That's the beautiful thing about love- forgiveness. Forgiveness for hurting one another, forgiveness for doing the wrong thing that was thought to be the right thing at the time. Love. And I love you. So very much. Can you feel my heart still beating? I know it comes in waves. It comes in the morning as a hurricane, but at night it comes as the waves trying to get further and further up the shore. Longingly. Slowly.

I wish you could remember me as the calm before the storm, but we all know I'm quite the opposite. I hope every time you think of me, you remember all that I am and not all that I am not. By now, you'd think I'd have learned things are never as they seem. And life hardly happens as we wish. And I have been begging the priest to beg god to make you come home, but so far I'm just losing my faith

I've been driving around for hours and I'm leaving this voicemail to tell you that ever since you left, my head hasn't been the only thing out of whack. I have the heat on high with your favorite hoodie around me, but I can't stop shivering. I've never seen so much rain in January and I can't help but think the sky is mourning my loss too. I'm always nodding off if I'm not in bed, but whenever I'm in bed I can never shut my eyes. I called to make sure you could fall asleep knowing how adored you are. I called to make sure your dinner was more than just ramen. I called to make sure you locked the doors and finished your homework. I called to tell you that guy you don't like tried to contact me, but I blocked him, again. I called to see if you've been hugged today. I called to tell you I went to my favorite spot to watch the sunset, but I left just before it set because I couldn't stand to watch something so beautiful, so familiar, end like we did. Tell me, is it easier to sleep without me beside you, oblivious to how you really feel? Today on my way home I realized you weren't myhome anymore and I had to turn around. I wanted to tell you that my keys are in my car and my bags are still packed, just in case you ask me to come home. I called to make sure you're still smiling even though it's not because of me. I'm leaving this voicemail in hopes that you realize you're the reason I ever stopped wanting to die

So much has changed and I have always understood why this happens but I can't quite understand how you stopped loving me the way you used to, unconditionally

When will I stop calling you mine?
When will I stop thinking you'll see these?
When will I wake up and not have the constant pain in my stomach, forcing me to remember don't want to be here anymore?

I hope you find a better love.

Sometimes it's hard to dismiss the constant clenching that takes place underneath my rib cage

What's even harder, is that my heart breaks all over again once I realize I am not always strong enough to fight for myself

As I sit here, on the edge of my bed, wearing your clothes, hugging the sheets and pillows as if they are you, the emptiness surrounds me..

What's the hardest though, is the fact that you're worth every little fight. And it's so ******* hard to look past that.

"I loved her...and it was the beginning of everything..."

Pathetically in love, pathetically a fool for you

there is nobody I crave more than you. ****** your body into me, lose yourself...with me. As I have with you. Press your body down, into this body that belongs to you..

Sometimes I wonder if the distances we've shared are still in sync with when and where we say I miss you. I wonder if I told you, "i miss you" 4 times today because my body knows that 4 months ago I was craving your mouth in my ear and your hands on my cheeks. I wonder if everyday I'm not with you that I tell you I miss you so many times because I'm trying to make up for the 5478 days spent without you

i begged God to beg the priest to beg you to come home

We have always had that undeniable type of love
You know?
Whenever asked about one another, our cheeks would turn bright pink
And just as our lips curled upward to smile,
sweet words escaped from our mouth, no matter how tightly we tried to seal our smile
Who ever we ended up talking to
had to think our lover put all the stars in the sky
by the endless praise we gave one another
The kind of love that stained your sheets,
despite how clean they were
Our pictures have voices, next to our smiles you can hear us screaming "I love you...I love you with all I am"
Our voices became love,
we, in everything we do, have become love
The kind of love that made us encounter multiple strangers,
just so they could inform us of our obvious happiness and glee

I hope you never get new sheets
I hope you never bite me out from underneath your fingernails
I hope you never remove my stray hairs from your beard
after a long makeout sesh
I hope we are never apart long enough to where my scent fades out of your clothes

Leaving me was never an option and now it's the only option

i love you and I'm so ******* sorry I make those words feel terribly tragic