Breaths drawn
against saline skin,
hands murmur apologies
as all absence is forgiven.
Seconds stretch without end
battle cries, faint now but rousing
disturb the whispered dusk.
A call to arms, precious in its cadence
sings of life to forgotten senses
and finally subdues the longing
felt only in dreams of home.

A dove just flew by
it sat on a fence nearby
she is so beautiful
pure and white

I want to reach the sky
as easy as she does
high above tedious lives
of people chained to ground

So I caught her in my arms
tore her feathers
ripped wings apart
but she was still alive

So I took a stone
and crushed her skull
red my lips with her blood
and put her feathers on my coat

I might not be able to fly
but neither can she now
She is such a cruel beast
to turn beauty into cruelty

The sun beats down on my body
But I don't care
Because here there is love
There is peace
There is hope
We play cards for hours but never get bored
We climb trees because it makes us feel alive
We skip rocks because we like to think we're good at it
We play music because it makes us feel whole.
And I realize that I'm in love.
Not with you, not with today,
But with the sun, and the sky, and the earth.
I'm in love with being alive.
My hearts feels full
I have no blood in my veins. Just peace.
The way I always wanted it to be.

I remember
not sure I will ever forget
all these years of...
trying to find words
but none can do you justice
looking up on that shower head
and the water pours down on me
I have my hands tied by a power cord
and you burnt my arm with your match
there is blood on my forehead
that made me spit in your face
you smash my head on the bath tub
this time I think you cracked it open
and the water is just as cold
as you are, my friend
or what is your name
and the water is almost boiled
and it starts all over again

I look forward to seeing him everyday.

What is this torture?

How do I stop castigating myself
and throwing myself prostrate
on the burning coals
those spitting embers
spider web cracks
spreading like contaminants
foreboding of the epidemic to come
intricate designs carrying grave warnings.

I tremble.

I have never trembled before.

Not in response to the mere
idea
that image in my head of
his arm tenderly around my shoulders
to shelter me from the inevitability of the future
the dancing spectre of his face
lingering in the goose flesh
that breaks out like a cold sweat
when my heart aches
and my mind cries out in anguish
at the terror and sheer immensity of
that crushing longing.

Never have I wanted so wantonly
a wildfire consuming
ravaging every inch of my world
reducing me to a snarling beast
bared teeth
hair standing on edge to lash out
the power of the entire universe
pulsing through my veins.

A mother’s love pales
to the ferocity of my fight.

I have nothing to lose
I have seen the mountaintop
I have seen the destruction
the darkness and storms which
lie ahead for the burning chasm of
pain and beauty and love
that is my very essence
and I must continue
I must go there and know
that I can survive the gale winds
and the pelting rain
slapping my face
with a lace glove
as if that could somehow insulate me
from the sting of your absence
and the looming murky world
that you leave in your wake
expecting my gratitude
for the silt and dust that hangs around me
whose hollow presence
doesn’t keep me warm at night.

I feel my control
slipping through my fingers
the sieve through which my power is filtered
and I am left with only the dregs
why did you have to come here?

Why did I listen to your whisper
to open my eyes and
see
and have your face be the first
image haloed in the sun’s glorious offering
of light
bathing my retina in the warm liquid matrix?

How long could I have held onto hope
that two parallel lines
could one day diverge from their path
their arrow-straight shot to infinity
and converge
to know that touch for even a fraction of
a femtosecond?

How long will I continue my self deception?
To listen to the dulcet tones of that uninhibited
purr in the back of my mind
which exists outside of knowledge and logic
inhabiting the world of unmentionable desire
a longing that I suppress
a wanting that I can never trust.

Crumbling facades and fading frescos
are all that lie ahead
as time’s march crushes all dreams
under its steel-toed boot
stealing everything away from me
until I subsist on arid dust
and musty, time-worn clocks.

to my darling who feels she's not:
our separation is mere illusion.
truly, your pain strikes me as i write this;
your sensations of abandonment,
and the decisiveness they have caused,
bleed from my skin into the fibers of my clothes.
i am no longer clean.
i do not feel pure.

to my severed arm and shortened tendons:
destruction is merely another side of life.
out of disappearance comes all things-
without space, there would be nothing to contain us,
nothing to allow and enfold our beings' spirits,
and they would sputter and cease like my love's flame.
i am no longer yours.
i do not feel full.

to the farthest star that my eyes can see:
your light reaches me- i glimpse you!
in the perceived emptiness between us
there is no distance to be found;
around us exists the infinite potential for
further connection and deeper growth in closeness.
i am no longer alone.
i do not feel sorrow.