grades
grades
grades
...
they are important.
**** grades.
Use luck.

why do you follow me?
watch everything I do?
Why do you read me
when you have the wrong book?
Why do you vow to destroy me,
but ignore me the entire day?
Why do you pass me by
look me in the eyes,
but say no words.
Is this your plan?
Its working.
its working
but may I say
leave me alone
If you don't want anything to do with me,
than stop pretending like you do.

right now,
I crave conversation.
I sit alone.
Waiting for her to finish.
I sit here
hearing all conversations.
One is about football
another is about plans for this Wednesday.
I want to be talking.
I want to be apart of something.
right now
My spirits are low.
Right now,
it seems like these gray tables are going to swallow me whole
these chairs hurt.
there is a model rocket above my head.
I want to fly away in it
Zoom past the stars,
the planets
and everything in between.
I want to be one with the air.
One in the soul.
forever
I feel alone.
Alone
I wait...
still waiting
but what can I expect?
Some things are really important.
Sorry I tried to keep you,
but this feeling is why.
Woops.
So yeah,
I feel alone.
So alone.
Its noisy,
yet I feel the silence.
Dark, silent silence.
Why did god create this feeling.
Its quite ugly
this is getting repetitive.
I know.
but I cant help it
I feel alone

My day was fine
Except for the yelling
And the tears
and the bruises
The cussing
The fussing
The overall day was bad I guess
No, no your right
I did have a good night's sleep.
I have a roof over my head
Carpet beneath my feet
And a warm place to stay
But in the place that I stay
I have to deal with abuse
Denial
I just feel off
No I don't
I feel great.
I want to get away
but getting g away could lead to uncertainty
And you don't like uncertainty
I don't
I hate these conversations
*with myself

You, honey
You are so beautiful.
You are the one I want to be with forever
You,
You are so stunning.
Call me insane,
But I want to give you my life.
The way you are.
With me.
The way you look
At me.
I can't control myself.
I feel my heart thump.
It keeps going.
I cannot work up the nerve to say something.
I'm too scared you'll leave me.
And thats the point.
I'm scared
I'm scared that if I ask again
You will introduce me to hell.
I want you so bad.
But I know you will never love me.
I want to hold you,
To show you that I'm different
different
I swear.
I want you.
You don't understand.
I think about you every **** day.
Everyday I think about what we could be.
Am I a creep for that?
All these ambitions,
All these feelings
Cooped up inside this body I call my own.
I want to kiss you.
So so bad.
I want to feel what perfection feels like against my lips.
That is who you are.
Perfection.
I know you don't think so.
But no one thinks of themselves as perfect.
That's the beauty of others telling you that you are.
It lifts you.
And that's what I want to do.
I want you to feel beautiful,
Because you are
Describing you is impossible.
Yet I try so hard.
Can you see I'm struggling?
Honey,
I love you.
You will never know.
I wish I could tell you
I have.
Here.
Tonight.
This is it.
I love you
I,
Love
You.
So
God
****
Much
Do you love me?
How could you?
I'm me, right?
I am not worth your kiss.
But I still strive to meet your expectations.
**** for getting so close.
I wish,
My one wish
Is to have you
forever
Am I too much?
Has this gone too far?
I'm so afraid
But
Honey,
This is all I know how to do.

i write about him
so much
because i keep hoping
that he'll finally
let them in,
let them love him
comfort him
transform him
into the person
i'm actually writing about

but the questions kept coming.

do you love him?

do you love him?

and all of a sudden my eyes couldn't speak.

from one day to another i wasn't sure if my heart wanted to love you anymore.

I look at the boxes of letters I sent to you and the empty ones I kept just in case you missed me so much you had to write me back.

these boxes they haunt me, because they could have been full of the words you'd wished you'd spoken but never did.

but they stay empty till this day, proving once more that your love was nothing but artificial and that when you finished emptying out your boxes into mine there was no use for me anymore.

"this will not end in heart break" you said to me as you entered my soul and stole all that had meaning.

now I'm a wandering crow, soulless and hungry.

haven't you heard? when you feed a bird just once, they'll always come back for more.